When rape is a gift

I know, I know, it's a dangerous title, and I'll get hatemail. So let me say straight away that on no account do I advocate or in any way condone rape or abuse of any kind. Indeed, I urge all women (and men!) to use whatever force is necessary to defend themselves against would-be rapists, muggers and murderers. The last stranger in the street to be so misguided as to think that I would make a good rape victim probably didn't end up in hospital, but judging from his screams as I incapacitated him, and the way he staggered as he made his escape, he probably regretted having picked me to mess with.

The sort of ‘rape’ that is a gift is the sort given by a man to the woman he loves because she wants it. Many women do.

Many men reading this will be feeling very uneasy. Nothing is guaranteed to bring a man out in a cold sweat faster than raising the subject of rape – except actually asking him to rape you, of course. “Oh, I could never do that!”, a man will say in a tone of alarm. No decent man wants to be a rapist.

But it's not rape and it's not immoral if the woman wants it. Is it?

It's a gift.

I have talked to a number of women about this over the years, and several have spoken of the deep gratitude they feel to the man who trusts and loves them enough to do this. These are dangerous waters, legally, so the man must trust the woman not to run to the police and cry “rape!” He must have the strength to risk making himself vulnerable in this way. He must have faith that she knows what she wants and is willing to take the risk. He must believe in his ability not to misjudge the situation, and in the woman's ability to deal with it well if he does. He must be willing to be profoundly and intensely intimate with the other person. And for some men, contemplating such action forces them to face their own dark and troubling desires – desires they fear make them a monster. All this takes courage, strength, trust, and nerves of steel. Not for the faint-hearted!

And not something to do cavalierly. Extreme caution is advised. If you are not careful, your gift could be the psychological equivalent of a lethal letter bomb. Do not proceed in haste. Be sure to discuss it thoroughly first, to ensure that, as one woman put it, you are on the same page. If she wants more of a set scene at an agreed time but you think she wants you to take her completely by surprise – such as by creeping up on her in the dead of night when she thinks you are on a business trip two continents away – things might not go quite as well as you'd hoped. When in doubt, discuss it explicitly and in great detail first. And assume that the two of you might be mistaken about it all, and be ready to backtrack, make changes, and (if you both desire it) try again.

But enough of all that. How can it possibly be a gift? What might be going through a woman's mind before, during and afterwards? How does she feel?

How she feels beforehand depends upon the individual circumstances, but she may well feel fear – and she may well want to feel fear. Her heart may be thumping, her adrenalin pumping, her mouth dry, her palms sweaty: an exhilarating sort of fear, not the fear of a victim. She may be experiencing the most intense desire to be taken she has ever felt: a desire made only more intense the more strongly she resists and fights.

She may feel the need to fight as hard as she can, while willing you to prevail. When you do, the physical shock may be indescribably exquisitely pleasurable. She may feel as though she has billions of nerve-endings she had never had before. She may have the most intense climax she has ever had. She may scream as you have never heard her scream before. You may notice that her whole body suddenly relaxes, submitting, welcoming, worshipping. The whole experience may leave her feeling absolutely ecstatic, utterly peaceful, deeply submissive, totally yours. Connected. You may see in her eyes deep love, reverence, awe, soft submissiveness, deep gratitude, adoration, and belonging. She may well be moved to tears.

Hold her. Stroke her hair. Kiss her softly. You have taken her. She is yours.

the boss

[A note about the comments on this thread: there is a bug in the software, such that the links to later comments do not work. To see the most recent comments on this thread, ensure that you have comments set to flat rather than threaded, and click on the last page link at the foot of this page.]

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The alpha male and masculine power
Learning the ropes
Who says you have to be submissive?
Equality isn't all it's cracked up to be
The difference between dominant and domineering
Acts of love
The Night Porter: movie review
Do you have a commanding presence?
The subjection of women

2004 Mar 15 - 14:49 | login or register to post comments | latest article | previous article | next article |

Rape Fantasies

I've alwasy had rape fantasies too. I love the feeling and experience of being forced and overpowered, made to succumb to the deepest urges of a strong and powerful male.

Amber is right. "Rape" is a bad word for this want. As she wrote, rape is violence, not sex. Now, I have no idea how to differentiate in words between that violence and the fantasy of being taken, but there IS a difference.

It may have to do with the man, because as I wrote in the first paragraph here, I want to be "made to succumb to the deepest urges of a STRONG and POWERFUL male"; NOT a man who violates a woman because he lacks power. Lacking power is a characteristic of a rapist. And a real man that can take you in hand is not lacking in power. That may be the difference.

by DaddysGirl on 2007 May 15 - 03:20 | login or register to post comments

Objectified

I kind of like to be objectified....

by DaddysGirl on 2007 May 15 - 03:24 | login or register to post comments

thank you...me too

I also find pleasure in rape. I have been raped several times, and never felt so used. It was a great feeling. I like the surprise and force,and the pain, to teach me. I love to fill my man's needs , and i am a breeder so i want hiis seed.

Thank you for writing this.

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2007 May 17 - 10:25 | login or register to post comments

Well done

What paitence you must have 'the boss'. I have not yet managed to read all the comments on this one but by the end of the first page I realised how misunderstood your article had been taken.
I too have been raped on more than one occasion. For real and I would not wish it on my worst enemy.

However.. back onto the subject. Where I live, we refer to the type of rape fantasy you have spoken of as "mock rape". It may be a more palatable use of the word with less negative interpretations. Maybe you could edit your original post with the "mock" inserted? To help allieviate the willfull misunderstanding from the moral highgrounders. I thought your article was well written, clear, concise, self explanitory and without need for change or explaination... and absolutely spot on. But if changing one word would make it easier for everyone to digest then I hope you can make use of it.
Blossom

by Blossom on 2007 May 24 - 10:56 | login or register to post comments

Please take me!

I particularly like, and always have liked, rape fantasies. Until I heard, from research and anecdotal evidence, that these were in fact very common, I felt quite uncomfortable with them. It would be very difficult to try to explain to an eager partner what your fantasies were when they begged you to ask for information. Nevertheless, once I opened up my fantasies, the result would be that it shocked a prospective suitor to the point of retreat!!! But now I've met my match - it's easier to explain, it's consensual and it's fun. And no, I've never been abused as a child, etc. And yes, if it happened for real by a stranger with truly violent and aggressive intentions, it WOULD scare me like it would for any woman. I like to fantasise that my match is a highwayman after more than my jewellery. I told him about this with extremely pink cheeks (hence the moniker!) and he seemed quite amused. Indeed, on occasions he has stood and delivered, worn a mask and pointed our son's toy gun at me. He's an alpha male and gets enjoyment out of it, plus he knows that I enjoy it and he gets pleasure from his empathy. I respond by gratitude, a sense of inner peace and contentment afterwards and our relationship is hot! Now, where's the harm in that?

by Pink Cheeks on 2007 Jun 15 - 22:18 | login or register to post comments

I can understand this...

I myself can understand this. And this is coming from some who WAS force raped twice in the past.

I've been married over 10 years and have been raped by my husband and that was completly different from previous times. My husband has the right to my body whenever he wishes and this had been established from the start of our marriage. I loved him for it. I respected him for taking me as he did.

These 2 situations are VERY different for me. I think everyone just has to accept that we all have different views on what constitutes rape that is unwanted by the other party. If you are married and you think your husband is forcing himself on you unwillingly then maybe the marriage isn't just that... a marriage. In a marriage these fine lines would be sorted from the beginning.

Kudos to you for your honest message.

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2007 Jul 20 - 15:44 | login or register to post comments

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