The paradox of the master and the queen

This article reminded me of an apparent paradox I've been wanting to analyze. In my own experience and on this site, it seems that our men, when we ask them to take us in hand – to be our masters, you might say – they become ardent slaves to our happiness. Not instead, but at the same time. Their mastery enslaves them, you might say. The expressions of love for the women on Taken In Hand, the devotion to them and their happiness that is expressed here, is breathtaking.

I think part of the secret to this is in an earlier piece I wrote describing my husband's aversion to responsibility and obligation. He hates to be reminded of what he SHOULD or OUGHT to be doing. Motivation, for him, springs from self-determination, from his wants and desires. When I became submissive to him, I ceased to represent a lot of SHOULDs and OUGHTs. With those out of the way, the fact that he WANTS to make me happy is more present in his mind.

So, we bow down to offer ourselves to our masters, and find that they have crowned us queens.

Melanie

Taken In Hand Tour start | next

Have you seen the following articles?
Do you have a commanding presence?
Obedience
Wanting a masterful man
To let go
Creating un unbreakable bond of love takes time
A love letter
Why I, a dominant man, prefer a strong woman
Leadership, strength, emotional intimacy
In praise of Fascinating Womanhood
She wants to be taken in hand against her will?!

2004 Feb 28 - 08:14 | login or register to post comments | latest article | previous article | next article |

Wonderful Imagery

Hi Melanie,

that image was incredible, and fits in perfectly with what I believe many men want -

"We bow down to offer ourselves to our masters, and find that they have crowned us queens".

I believe that most men want to protect, love and nuture their woman and will do all in their power to make them happy. I know that if I were involved, that is what I would want to do with my partner. For many men, it is not about being in charge, it is not about "telling" someone what to do, it is about being FREE to do ALL that they can to help and support their partner. This is where I think Random had it right about Freedom. He said (I think) that though he felt complete freedom, he also felt that the trust placed in him by J meant that he also felt the responsibility that came with that.

Melanie, please write more on this subject - as a man, I find it interesting and insightful

Best wishes

Paul

by Paul on 2004 Feb 28 - 09:15 | login or register to post comments

writing more

I would like to elaborate on that idea, and several others. It's just hard to find time to really settle down and write something - so many other things I should be doing! I will try, though.

by Melanie on 2004 Mar 1 - 14:08 | login or register to post comments

Well Said

Melanie,

You have accurately stated that which I have experienced as a man. While I feel that I am the master of the relationship, I also sense the wonderful responsibility to focus on my woman. She has more than my attention. She has my FOCUS. Her well-being is at the top of my radar screen and my attitude, and something else, is always pointing up.

As others have requested, please write more on this topic.

Tiger

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2004 Mar 1 - 19:38 | login or register to post comments

Alpha Males - We Bow ... Crowned us Queens

Love this entire site's threads, especially this one as it is the core of the alpha male - alpha female issue for me! Thanks.

I love alpha males / alpha Yang energy (same thing to me) -- I feel cherished in the presence of their energy; it unveils my Yin, or feminine side. I feel safe and at greatest ease.

I am an alpha female, but I am feminine or Yin energy (receptive, sensually oriented) so I almost intuitively respect alpha/yang people, and respond to their lead as long as it is legal, moral, ethical and non-destructive. I am smart, have run businesses over the years, have a lot of skills I bring to the table, but I know that I neither have the logical thought focus nor physical strength in most cases to lead the show, and I don't want to do that.

My forte, my role is -- I am a fabulous support person (loyal, encouraging, non-manipulative), and I am learning thru the methods of Dr. Pat Allen how to communicate effectively from this role. I categorically hate to tell alpha energy anything about their choices. I prefer to share how I feel, express understanding of their rights to their choices and when appropriate to verbalize what choices I will make to care for me when I don't feel good. They then have the choice to cherish my feelings and choose actions which will cherish my feelings, or be faced with my chosen action. My role is to wait for Alpha Yang leadership, respond to it, and then give back. If I should find it important for the relationship in some tangible way that I share my thoughts, I ask for permission first. This permission is merely to signal to the Yang energy to switch from their logical brain, which is focused on action and does not generally mullti-task with ease, that some data is coming in and they need to listen to it.

If the Yang energy person does not wish to hear from my Yin-based Yang thoughts, I gracefully keep my mouth shut. I am generally assured in such cases of an interesting story to write in my journal as the outcome is sure to have very knotty aspects. lol

It helps that I am most interested in problem solving based using "our way" or "a way that works," as opposed to a competition or power struggle pitting "his way" against "my way." My focus is upon being happy; I divest being right of any power in my life as best I can.

For me this is not a gender issue regarding alpha males -- and although rare, there are women who can lead in the alpha role and I find that very sexy and powerful. And, in my relationship with such a person sexual chemistry endures 24/7 -- my first experience of this was with a boy I bonded to at age 5, and knew into my mid-40's where that energy was stronger than ever, and at the time I saw him as an adult, I had lived as a lesbian for 15 years.

BTW: We never made physical love, but our physical relationship sizzled! (His diabetic habits and residence in a cold climate blocked my acceptance of his pursuit of me as adolescents -- something I consider youthful folly today. Today I'd rather have a short-term marriage with someone I respect, than a long-term relationship with a negative alpha or to be bored with a beta.)

It's amazing how my spirit comes to life around alpha energy.

We are an endangered lot though ... some estimate only 20% of the population are positive alphas and within that group there are fewer ethical alphas. Dear God, please help me find an ethical alpha woman!

Regards,

Dee

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2005 Jun 3 - 20:25 | login or register to post comments

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.