I think that what you are saying here is quite reasonable. I do think that there is a lot of pressure on women in some circles to be very autonomous, and it makes me uncomfortable. I think that both kinds of pressure are bad, that is, pressure on women to be submissive, and pressure on women to be autonomous. I agree with you when you say that it should be based on individual choice, based on what feels good, and that people should not look down upon women who choose to be either autonomous or submissive.

Wow, you have no idea how thrilled I am to find this site.

I've known about my sexually submissive side for many years, but I never knew how to find the right man to match it. In fact, I didn't even know anyone else felt anything similar at all. I had at least heard about "whips-and-chains" stuff, but I didn't connect that at *all* with what sexual submission meant to me. With the internet I finally learned that 'BDSM' had something to do with D/s (Dominance/submission), but once again it seemed like so much of it was peripheral to my own interests and inclinations. (All the technical talk of equipment felt like a trip to Home Depot, and all the rules and ritualism sounded like liturgy from a Masonic Lodge. Not that all that's a bad thing, but it's just not my main interest.)

What I was looking for was something specifically MaleDom/femsub - something made the connection between *masculinity* and sexual dominance, and also between femininity and sexual submission. For me that includes fantasies of ravishment and erotic wrestling in a loving romantic relationship - not just bdsm "scenes" and "activities checklists" and trips to the hardware store for new toys.

I've only read a few of the articles on your website, but it seems like just what I've been looking for. I loved the article on masculinity and the alpha male, and also the one on the "gift of rape." I also like the fact that you don't confuse the sexually submissive woman with a woman who's insecure or submissive in everything else in life. (Like many sexually submissive women, I have a confident and assertive demeanor in general, and that has given many men the mistaken idea that I would rather be on the handle end of the whip. If only they knew.)

I'm so happy I found this site, but I just read that you're planning on "pruning" out the articles very shortly?? Please don't! Or at least maybe have a rotating archive so those of us who missed out on this at the beginning will get a chance to catch up. And one more time: Thank You!

- Dee

PS: And please stay online forever. :-)
(I don't ask for much, eh?)

I am new to this site but this post was wonderful. It really rang my bell.

I have always wanted a submissive woman and wow, did she get my attention.

John

My husband has been trying to control me. He is a great man and father, he loves me and spoil me rotten. But he wants me submissive. Now I try, I really do, I want to make him happy but I accidently hit this site while typing in take one and I was shocked that he was here. I will never be able to look him in the eye again without lauging myself in a frenzy. I will try not to tell him and play dumb but I have never laughed so hard in my life then when I clicked on here by mistake...

in case your wondering, resistant women in the house.

Cheerio

How would you feel if your husband could not look you in the eye again without laughing himself into a frenzy because of an aspect of your sexuality or a philosophy you had concerning the relationship? You may not agree with him or share his desires; you may even be shocked, but is it a good response to laugh at him? Communication is primary in a marriage. If one party cannot communicate something they consider important (and if your husband has been posting here it indicates this kind of relationship attracts him) and expect to be taken seriously what does that say about the quality of communication in the marriage?

A truly good laugh!

I must say, your laughing back in time (Nov -05) still lingers through your words. Your comment made me smile at first and then I was laughing too. It was easy to see the humor in what you described and I could soo identify with your reaction. If one of my former lovers or husband had been "caught" they way yours was, it would have been hilarious. In fact, your comment made me remember one of them more clearly. This boyfriend of mine wanted me "back" after I broke up with him after two years, as I had found another man. He, then weighing about double my weight, extremely well trained physically and beyond a black belt in martial arts, grabbed hold of me, pushed me on the bed and started to grab my clothes. I started to laugh so hard I could hardly breathe. I was equally well trained but could of course not do anything to fight off this man. But, it did not even start to dawn on me then what he could have done, as I was laughing so hard I was more a danger to myself than he was. He could not continue this domination thing with me laughing so hard at him, so like a puppy he withdrew from his position on top of me. I sat up and could not stop laughing. Every time I met him after that incident I could not help but have a real toothpaste ad smile.

Several years later, and a few relationships wiser, I had come to the conclusion that I would not marry again. I was tired of not having men reach me higher than to my knees. I could have men a lovers as it suited me was my take, but life took me by surprise. I met a man to match me. WOW! That was a new one. A man I could respect and a man that had the intellectual capacity to do battle with me. I have never argued so hard with anyone. I loved him but was close to give up on our relationship many times, as he would simply not change what I wanted him to change. He was as upset about us arguing as I was, and he was heartbroken that we fought. But would he give in? No, he would add my demands as a request for change and if it made sense to him he would do them, in his own time. Utterly frustrating. I could not believe that someone sooo gentle, logical, loving and caring could be so "hard" to change. I had to take another approach to be successful was my conclusion. I thought long and hard. It took quite some time. Had I found my "Master"? Hell no! Growing up in an environment that not only saw women and men as equal, but actually saw women as better than men in almost everything, this was a truly tough one for me (Yes, I come from another country). As an entrepreneur, CEOing several international companies, financially independent, breaking in my warm blood 1400 lbs stallions on my own, I just don’t see the reason to be submissive to men. That has been a totally ridiculous though, or actually more of a laughable one. So you can understand when I say that my worldview is not of a typically submissive woman. I am more capable than he is - at a lot of things. Just as he is way better at some than I am. So, what was going on I wondered. I then gradually tried to let him decide more, and tried to let more of my female side out (felt very strange at first, both things….). Suddenly things clicked. I started to feel better in all aspects and our relationship greatly improved. At that time I did not know, nor care really, how he felt about it. But he seemed almost as if nothing had happened, my changes and all. He was too focused on dealing with pressing matters in our business on a daily basis to be able to think about this as much as I could, at the time. For him it just seemed to be natural to be in an alpha male position and have me respond accordingly. So, believe me, I can more than relate to your laughs, as I have had a my generously large share of such in my life . I am just hoping that you ever get the same opportunity that I have been given, to be married to a dominant man, one that is more dominant than yourself. It is a heavenly feeling. Even better than a seriously good laugh at a man who is simply trying, unsuccessfully, to climb on top of his woman.

Best of luck to you!

Marianne

My husband found Taken in Hand a few weeks ago. He showed me the site as we knew we wanted somthing but really were not sure where to get any info. We read different articles, together and apart. Then most importantly we had real heart to heart talks about all of our new ideas.

Both of us had been in bad relationships before,and realized that we both needed more from our relationship. I was also a little unsure of the male HOH . As I have a history of being abused, health problems and depression that goes along with it all. I thought "sure here it goes again" out of a bad marriage and another getting ready to go bad. Oh How wrong I was, I have never felt more relaxed.

We have discussed all aspects of anything new we try before and afterwards. In some articles we decide that we only like one or two of the new ideas we find. So I don't think we are completely D/s or BDSM or any particular label. I do know that having a tender, loving , our kind of Taken in Hand relationship, has made our marriage more relaxed and harmonious. Enabling BOTH of us to be the kind of partners, lovers and friends that we have always yearned for in the past.

Same here, I was familiar with the site, and admit to having 'lingered' I suppose, some while ago. There are many things to contend with, for us, the fact that we have not as yet found a way to communicate to our friends how we feel. I don't want to be put in a position of justification as it seems to me that this site and a Taken In Hand r'ship are commonly mis-judged through not being understood.

My girlfriend and I have decided to embark on our married life in this way, and while it is not without conditions and a few residual apprehensions, we feel that this will work for us and also wish to 'trial', with a view to fully embracing it when we marry. I certianly take it seriously, and while I often disagree with (mostly men) on this site, I am looking forward to the chance to develop my own conceptions, and with that become the best husband that I can be.

I am slightly apprehensive: as a 31 year old man, currently in higher education, it is, to say the least atypical, but but here's hoping...

In the last month or so, I have been reading the articles in this site. I am very happy to find this site. I was beginning to think there really was no explanation for the feelings inside of me, the desire to submit to a man and have him dominate over me, the desire to be told what to do and the absolute need to give him control. I really thought there must be something wrong with me. I checked into different sites including BDSM sites, and I knew that was too harsh for what I was looking for. I can really relate to the articles and comments and look forward to reading more.

~Lady in the Dark

Way to go Cheerio...I honestly think that this crosses the boundary on the issue...yes it is free will, but why can't you settle differences with verbal communication and discussion...sometimes you have to agree to disagree. Women have fought for years to gain economic and social independence, and this seems like a giant leap backward in my opinon...

It is comments like this that really make me realize "why" men are so out of tune with their own instincts and desires and not in any rush to expose these things to their wives or girlfriends.

I can't help but believe that if men were "allowed, encouraged, supported and respected" (instead of laughed at) to be the men they were put on this earth to be, they would be more apt to respect who and what we are as women!