Could this kind of relationship be for you?

What kind of relationship are we talking about?

A couple of weeks before my grandfather died, I visited my grandparents and was moved by the sight of them sitting hand-in-hand, smiling and gazing into one another's eyes like young lovers. They were devoted to each other. My grandfather was very much the master of the house, and made all the major decisions. My grandmother was positively proud to by his wife. She obeyed him and deferred to him. She would have done anything for him, and from the way happiness shone out of her, it is clear that she felt not the slightest bit down-trodden or resentful. I remember her almost dancing into a room and filling it with warm smiles and joyful laughter. Head of the household my grandfather may have been, but he was no bully. He was an old-fashioned English gentleman who was kind and gentle and did not want anyone to be intimidated by him even though he was frightfully clever and had the presence and authority to command obedience. I very much doubt that he ever used any kind of ‘discipline’ on my grandmother, whether physical or otherwise. My grandparents had a Taken In Hand relationship.

That is one kind of Taken In Hand relationship. Others look very different. Some look less like a traditional marriage and more like a hardcore high intensity TPE or absolute power relationship. Some involve total obedience and no way out (yes, that is what the woman passionately wants). In other Taken In Hand relationships neither the man nor the woman wants total obedience, preferring light-hearted disobedience of the spirited but lovable brat. Some aren't remotely interested in obedience or the lack of it. Some Taken In Hand couples think in terms of dominance and submission; others have no interest in dominance and/or submission. Some think in terms of two strong individuals engaged in a fascinating and totally friendly battle with one another as they jointly explore the world and each other. For others, a Taken In Hand relationship is not about any of the above; instead, it is about men being masculine and women being feminine. Some see it very differently from any of these descriptions.

In some Taken In Hand couples, the woman sees herself as a shrew being tamed; some women want to be brought to submission; some think in terms of having their resistance broken or of being conquered. For others, the idea of being broken, tamed, or conquered sounds awful. They prefer the idea of willing surrender. To some, the idea of surrendering is quite unappealing. Some have no interest in submission or surrendering at all, but they like the idea of the man wearing the trousers in subtle ways or they like the idea of being with a man strong enough not to allow them to walk all over him.

Some are drawn to difficult and intense interactions, others are prefer the idea of peace and tranquility. Some women want to fear their man; for others, nothing could be worse. Some Taken In Hand couples enjoy violent physical force; some Taken In Hand relationships involve no physical force of any kind. Some like the idea of the woman being owned by the man; for others that is an abomination.

There are many possibilities, and what I have said above is just to give those new to Taken In Hand an idea, it is not a complete list of all the variations by any means.

What do these relationships have in common?

What Taken In Hand relationships have in common is that both the man and the woman are strong, but the man is in charge. He ‘wears the trousers’. He may also be the ‘master of the house’ or the head of the household. In controlling the woman, the man might lovingly straighten her out. The man is in control. And not just as a game or a sexual fantasy, not just in the bedroom, not as a ‘scene’, but in reality.

See also:
What you need to know about Taken In Hand,
The erotic power of the unshackled man,
What Taken In Hand is, and what it is not and
What kind of site is this? D/s? TPE? CP? DD? ABCD?.

Is this about denying women their right to choose?

No. Some Taken In Hand relationships look very traditional, but unlike what may have been the case in the past, the Taken In Hand woman is living under the authority of a man by choice. The woman could have chosen to live in a more conventional relationship in which there is no control, or she could have chosen to be in a relationship in which she is in control. Taken In Hand is a personal choice for the individual, not something we want to foist on others against their will.

Is it really consensual?

Yes. See this article and the other articles cited there.

Why would any woman want to be controlled?

The man's control is all very erotic for both man and woman, and it is also deeply relaxing. To those drawn to Taken In Hand relationships, it feels right. It is very connecting; it facilitates deep communication and bonding. It is exciting and enlivening; it feels safe and protective; it brings passion and peace. For more about this, see also this article and this article.

How do you create or switch to this kind of relationship?

There is no recipe, and no relationship springs into existence fully formed the moment the couple decides they want it to be a Taken In Hand one. Relationships evolve over time. Trust takes time to build. Take it very slowly. Think of your relationship as a journey of baby steps, and be prepared for some of those steps to feel like giant leaps backwards. That is the nature of progress. Learning, developing, growing is not a tidy process organised along a straight line. Be kind to yourselves when it feels as though you are lost, and have faith that you will find the path again. But keep an open mind about where you think you are heading. You may want to take a completely different path.

the boss

[Editor's note: If you would like to translate this page into another language, or write your own introduction to Taken In Hand in another language, leave a comment below.]

Taken In Hand tour start | next

Have you seen the following articles?
The sexuality of ‘non-sexual’ dominance
Is there more to life than sexual fantasy?
Does being submissive mean not saying what you think?
Wedding vows – I promised to "obey"
A new journey
In praise of Fascinating Womanhood
Why Taken In Hand isn't actually unfair
Moving into a Taken In Hand relationship
The difference between dominant and controlling
What kind of site is this? D/s? TPE? CP? DD? ABCD?

2005 Jan 28 - 12:15 | login or register to post comments | latest article | previous article | next article |

Yes this is for me

I recently came across this site, actually last night and I was so moved. This is exactly what I am seeking in a relationship. I crave this ability to put my trust completely in a man. It makes me feel so cherished and cared for. Are there places where I could meet a man interested in taking me in hand?

by lizzie8844 on 2005 Jan 29 - 17:27 | login or register to post comments

Look at the personals page

Hi Lizzie,

You might like to take a look at the Taken In Hand personals page. :-)

by the boss on 2005 Feb 9 - 20:51 | login or register to post comments

No one wants a man they can walk over!

(they like the idea of being with a man strong enough not to allow them to walk all over him)

I need this. It's only my feeling, but a man should never allow a woman to walk all over him. It's just not right and I lose all repect for a man who does this. Sure, it works for some men and if that makes them happy, more power to them. But for me, it's wrong.

My husband lets me get away with murder sometimes, but it's murder that he feels is still ok...lol. Once I cross that line, it stops. Most times with just a look or a stern "Enough" This shows me he cares enough to let me vent but is in control enough to know when I am going too far.

by happy_wife on 2005 May 26 - 14:15 | login or register to post comments

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