Impregnation

If you run a controversial website like this one, you get a lot of hatemail. Taken In Hand seems not just to touch raw nerves, but to set off nuclear explosions inside individuals all over the world. The hatemail tends to be sexually graphic, extremely crude, insulting, threatening, and likely to offend all but the toughest readers. If the illiteracy is anything to go by, it must have taken considerable effort for them to express their hostility. Sometimes I feel almost guilty for having incensed a person for whom writing is such a struggle. I save the most interesting hatemail I get and occasionally read my ever-growing collection with uneasy sadomasochistic pleasure.

Recently, I was just about to delete the hatemail when I noticed two comments posted by someone rather inaptly calling him- or herself “Men” and writing from Brazil (yes, I have your IP address and know the ISP you were using, “Men”). Whether the comments purport to speak for all men or only some of them, I don't know, but either way, the troubled author clearly intended to convey the impression that the message being delivered was of considerable importance.

What our friend in Brazil said – if I may take one or two liberties with the texts to render them suitable for our more fragile readers – was that I personally am “the proof that women are stupid animals [who] think with [their] womb[s] [and that their] sole purpose is [sex and impregnation]” The author then kindly suggested that I should don a thong and offer my body to “the first stranger”, adding darkly that I will die of a venereal disease.

In the second message, presumably intended to elucidate and expand on the first message, inter alia, the author reduced women to a particular part of their anatomy which he or she described as “walking”. Either I have led a very sheltered life or our friend had taken a few too many tablets before writing that. He (or she) then reiterated that women are only good for sex, and that I am the proof. (Full texts available on request, but be warned that they are not suitable for those of a sensitive disposition.)

So I was looking at these little gems and wondering what I can learn from them, when it struck me that our friend in Brazil has a point. The grain of truth here is that Taken In Hand relationships are, amongst other things, intensely sexual. Over and over again, couples have reported that changing their relationship from a conventional one to a Taken In Hand one has brought both deep intimacy and a white hot sexual connection. For those of a Taken In Hand bent, the effect is very powerful. It feels overwhelming and elemental, and perhaps even, as our friend in Brazil says, animalistic at times.

While many conventional couples desultorily try all sorts of toys and tricks and porn and partners to paper over the cracks of their expired desire, couples who have made the small but fundamental change to a Taken In Hand relationship report that that has swept away the need for props and playacting, in a tsunami of raw sex. Ideas that once seemed sexless now seethe with primal eroticism. Take impregnation, for example. That “turn-off – something to avoid”, as one man put it, can suddenly become an overpowering need, an expression of possession, control, and the acceptance of and delight in that control.

“You bet it's a turn-on!” wrote one husband. “What could be more erotic than looking into my wife's eyes and impregnating her? I decided to make her pregnant. She submitted to my decision. Watching her waistline growing I'm seeing the results of my control and her affirmation of that control. I caused it. I made it happen. It's a HUGE turn-on. She said she didn't want to breastfeed but I told her she's got to, and she got that dreamy submissive look in her eye that tells me she needs a trip to the bedroom.”

For a Taken In Hand woman, letting go and surrendering to the inevitable consequences of her husband's decision to impregnate her can be one of the most intense experiences she has ever known. Such women embrace and glory in their choice not to have a choice and even in their fear of pain in childbirth. Instead of feeling irked by the discomfort of third trimester pregnancy some experience it ecstatically, as masochistic rapture. Their expanding waistline is hard evidence of the man's control, of his power as a man, and of the woman's submission to that power. They glow not just because of the pregnancy itself but because they are high in the heaven of subspace. Owned and mastered, protected and loved, they are liberated and flying free in their bondage. Women thinking with their wombs? If you want to put it that way.

If you are the kind of woman who is thrilled by living under the control of a man, it is not unlikely that you too might thrill to the idea of your man having control over your body and life in this profound way. And it is precisely because it is, as one reader wrote, “the ultimate form of control over a woman” that some find it disturbing. Others just have zero interest in having children, and that is fine. This is definitely not for all Taken In Hand folk.

Even some individuals who have children or would like to have children will be feeling uncomfortable, disturbed and even sickened, upon reading this. I casually mentioned to a handful of easygoing friends the idea that some people find the idea of impregnation and pregnancy erotic and was met with horrified expressions and forceful statements to the effect that there is nothing less erotic. Several actually seemed sickened by the idea – as though I had just suggested that they might like to have an important part of their anatomy nailed to a bed post. There is something not quite decent about finding the idea of impregnation erotic. Especially if the man is in control of it and the woman is submitting to her husband's decision to impregnate her.

When I asked readers to answer these questions, some Taken In Hand readers reported finding the idea repugnant, but more interestingly, many readers reported either that they find the idea erotic, and in some cases that they had never found it erotic until they switched to a Taken In Hand relationship.

“When my husband took control, it was natural for him to take control of my body and of my body's ability to procreate. He takes me whenever HE wants, which is all the time now we're in a Taken In Hand relationship, and if it [impregnation] happens it happens!”

“I am the first to admit that I find the idea of impregnation highly erotic, not to mention the physical evidence of the man's control in the woman's pregnant body, and I am the first to admit that it feels like a very primal, possibly even animalistic thing, and I am the first to admit that I go weak at the knees at the thought of a man controlling me with his penis as well as his rod. I did not feel like this until I was in a Taken In Hand relationship. I regret that when I had kids in the ordinary marriage I was in before, there was nothing erotic about impregnation and pregnancy but now there is. It's the control that makes the difference to me.”

It is a terrible shame that so few women experience pregnancy and even impregnation erotically. It seems such a waste! How can something so thrilling be reduced to something so devoid of any erotic power? As a Taken In Hand friend wrote to me a while back when we discussed this: “All this time I thought I was the ONLY woman who was turned on by certain things, like having been pregnant (it made me feel submissive, as if my husband had finally ‘conquered’ me by impregnating me. Anyone else would think me loony, but I know you won't.”

No, I don't. I understand completely – and so do many of the Taken In Hand women, and indeed men, who have responded to my little survey:

“The idea of impregnation, making your woman pregnant and causing her to have your baby, requiring her to breastfeed the baby, the idea of YOU controlling all that, the idea of her being yours, submissive to you, in bondage to the inevitability of the consequences of YOUR decision as a man. I had never thought of those things as erotic until I met a woman who was prepared to give my dominant impulses free rein.”

“In the context of your relationship, do you find the idea of impregnation erotic? Oh, YES. VERY! Not the raising of the children (I actually find that unsexy...the word ‘mom’ to me is not a sexy word)..but the act of getting pregnant, of being pregnant, of giving birth, breastfeeding...YES!

Pregnancy? Breastfeeding the baby? Yes. and Yes.

Being sexually available to your husband (if you're a woman)? YES!”

“I have a fantasy that my wife loves. Here it is: My wife is reclining on the bed, naked and sweating in the heat of the day. Her belly is large and she is trying to find a comfortable position that will match her gravid state, but I have other ideas for her and she submits to my attention and to my demands, for she knows that she is mine. That she is my lover is obvious, but more than that, she has accepted me as her man and I have taken advantage of that acceptance and put her with child, my child. The bond now is deeper and more intimate for the changes it has wrought in her. Her very body has been altered in ways that make her even more beautiful, with the glow that only a pregnant woman can achieve and sustain. Her belly has swollen and grown to contain my child, but her breasts have also swollen and grown to meet my demands for the sweet nectar that she is able to produce for the babe, but which I have laid first claim to as is my right.

My thirst is insatiable and sometimes think I treat her little better than a dairy cow, though she has no complaints. I am constantly emptying her reservoirs to suit my thirst or sometimes simply to enjoy the sensation of her fountains of sweet and sticky juices cascading onto my body as I allow her to mount me and ride me, while leaving her breasts open to my attentions. I love to caress her generous mounds and squeeze them to the point of ecstasy where pain and pleasure collide and streams of fresh milk explode from her, covering my face. I savor the taste as it drips down over my tongue. Each time I take her and suckle at her breast, taking all she can give, is a pleasure greater than before and each time she recovers and her breasts grow even larger than before until she must beg me to help her relieve the pressure and once again we fall into a cycle of pleasure. There will plenty of milk for the baby when it arrives and she will enjoy nursing even more for the echoes of pleasure that it generates.

So yes, I can certainly see the erotic aspect of pregnancy within a Taken In Hand relationship. In one sense, this is an ultimate surrender of self and acceptance of a man as head of the household, for a woman to allow his child to grow and develop within her body. As far as writing a post, you can use whatever you like from what you’ve just read. I can’t fathom how any man could turn away from the sight of his pregnant partner without enjoying the physical changes and benefits.”

“Yes, I find the idea of being impregnated, pregnant and breastfeeding all very sexy. When my husband takes me he tells me he's going to make me pregnant and that he will look after us and love us and be the HOH I need to obey. We both find this very sexy.”

“I find many of the things you mentioned slightly erotic in a fantasy way, but my husband and I were both divorced with four children from our previous marriages when we met, and we do not have any children together. I very much wish I had been able to have gone through pregnancy, babies, and breast feeding with my husband, but that was not meant to be. However, I find the idea of erotic lactation interesting and I'm pretty sure my husband would love it!”

“I didn't find impregnation or pregnancy sexy at all until I started taking my wife in hand. It's not likely that I'll make her with child as we're not a young couple, but we share the fantasy that we are young and fertile and that I will implant my seed in her and that she'll give me a baby. She would look very beautiful pregnant with my baby.”

“I find the notion of continuous sexual availability extremely exciting. I make myself available to my man any time he wants me. In our 6 years, I have never said no to his advances, because I always want him, especially when he wants me. He is dominant in bed and sets the frequency for us, which is usually every 3 days. This is fine with me and I receive his advances (or make my own) with pleasure. … The notion of impregnation is not exciting to me (largely because of the practicality of it, him having had a vasectomy and I quite happy not having children younger than mine now is, 14). He occasionally speaks of having the vasectomy reversed and ‘knocking me up’, so it must arouse him.”

“I never used to find things like impregnation, pregnancy and lactation erotic – anything but! It was not until I started thinking about being in a Taken In Hand relationship that it started to appeal to me. For me, a Taken In Hand relationship means the man having control over me. Having control includes having control of my body. The ultimate kind of control is to impregnate me and cause me to bear a child. The idea of being brought into subjection in this way is one of the most erotic things I can think of. That, to my mind, is the ultimate level of control. The idea of being impregnated and then watching and feeling the inevitable changes in my body, all caused by him, his will, his decision – then giving birth to his child, and doing so naturally and without pain relief, then nursing his child until he tells me I may wean the child – these ideas haunt my fantasies.”

“As a society we have come far away from our natural primeval desires. Where sex used to be erotic for its power to impregnate, now we have to employ a host of props and artificial stimulants to make it possible for us to perform sexually. My wife and I have moved away from that. We have stripped sex to its natural state. I do not permit the use of contraception and I require her to be available to me whenever I choose. Both she and I find the idea of impregnation erotic. She is fearful of pregnancy but she does not resist when I enter her and her body is always ready for me. If I make her pregnant she will bear my child. We joke about her being barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen but she knows that that is how I want her, and she loves me enough to accept that it is my right as her husband to make her pregnant if I so choose. She accepts that if I make her pregnant, I will need to exert even more control over her than I do currently, for she will be carrying my child, and I have a right to protect the health of my wife and my child.”

In a follow-up email message, the writer quoted in the previous paragraph confirmed, indeed stressed, that his wife is not merely acquiescing but actually finds all this very erotic. Not everyone does – there were some very negative responses from older women in particular – but the more I think about it, the more exciting and fun I think it is to view what can be quite difficult, stressful experiences (pregnancy and breastfeeding) erotically. Experiencing these things so many women find unpleasant, and so many men find repulsive, as being hard evidence of the man's control and thus thrilling instead of off-putting, is very valuable if you want to have children. Couples who view impregnation, pregnancy and breastfeeding erotically bind themselves together sexually. And when a couple is bound together in this way, other problems are often much easier to solve.

So if ‘our friend’ from Brazil wanted to upset me by reducing me to my fecund female essence, well, he picked the wrong woman. Call me brazen but I embrace it!

the boss

Taken In Hant Tour start | next

Have you seen the following articles?
The subjection of women
I don't want to be a servant or slave
Don't wait too long to tell her
Taken in hand by tenderness
Taken In Hand means different things to different people
Is this really consensual?
The erotic power of the unshackled man
Keeping the lines of communication open
Asserting dominance physically forcefully
Being taken in hand is hot!

2005 Aug 6 - 20:58 | login or register to post comments | latest article | previous article | next article |

To the boss....

You are far too intelligent of a woman to dignify such a cretin with a response... however, you have used it to introduce an excellent topic, so I suppose that is "creative license".

My man and I plan to have children and I find the idea very erotic, but for slightly different reasons. First, I am thrilled with the notion of bearing his child, even though I have two already that are half-grown and at 38 should be thinking of calling it a day.

To me, the thrill is in knowing this glorious man will be planting his seed inside me, and I will bear the responsibility of carrying and mothering his child. It makes me feel, even more, Woman. It will be an extraordinary addition to the bond between us. He is 51 and was not able to have children in his first marriage (his wife had a hysterectomy at an early age), and the prospect of being able to provide him with this glorious gift, borne out of our love, is thrilling to me.

I have two children and I know it will not be easy, as I am not as young as I used to be, but I am delighted to have this chance. Even though it will not be a decision he will demand of me, I still find it erotic, to be the woman he has taken as the mother of his children.

Ah, and I must say that in pregnancies past, I never once couldn't get interested in sex, no matter how tired I was. Something about the raging hormones combined with the extraordinary physical changes and the already overactive libido made it very welcome indeed. Like many others, I found making love to the man who had produced this enormous belly very, very erotic.

And the erotic nature of lactation... there is something wild about making love and experiencing this uncontrollable fountain of milk whenever I am aroused... he has two choices, drink it or bathe in it. It is an unstoppable flood.

My thoughts... Oh, and congratulations on turning lemons into lemonade.

by InMyDreams on 2005 Aug 6 - 23:13 | login or register to post comments

Lemons into lemonade

You are far too intelligent of a woman to dignify such a cretin with a response

:-)

I very much doubt that that writer will see this response. I just make a point of trying to learn something from any and all criticism I get, no matter how worthless the criticism might appear at first glance. Think of it as an interesting intellectual exercise. ;-)

Turning lemons into lemonade is such a good idea, don't you think? Whether being inspired to write something fun by a worthless piece of hatemail, or finding an overwhelmingly positive way to view the difficult aspects of pregnancy and childbirth. If one can find a way to turn those lemons into lemonade, one is going to be much better able to deal with any potential difficulties there are in having children. Turning lemons into lemonade is likely to be good for the resulting children too!

by the boss on 2005 Aug 7 - 05:22 | login or register to post comments

Mind the seeds

Ah, this is something close to my heart as well, having had some of the most erotic moments with my wife as a result of impregnation. Well, if the truth be told, we'd never have wed without the added impetus of pregnancy, so that was the first indication of how powerful a motivating factor it can be. In fact, that worked out so well that we decided to do it again and planned on having our second child, which actually turned out to be our second and third child as we were blessed with twins. Now *that* made for some interesting lactation experiences, based on the supply and demand nature of breast feeding... and the fact that I was responsible for taking care of the overflow .

It's unfortunate that not everyone can bring themselves to enjoy the immense benefits of pregnancy: no need for birth control, sex drive off the scale (and I hear the women get hornier too!) and the knowledge that one and one makes more than two, which is the greatest equation in relationship mathematics that I can think of.

Very sweet response to the *boys* from Brazil, boss.

by Rumjack on 2005 Aug 7 - 22:57 | login or register to post comments

Re: Impregnation

WOW...

"Even some individuals who have children or would like to have children will be feeling uncomfortable, disturbed and even sickened, upon reading this."

Add "blown away" to the list...

by G. on 2005 Aug 7 - 23:11 | login or register to post comments

Impregnation

I always found being pregnant, and the idea of being impregnated, very very erotic and sexy. This was even before I discovered Taken In Hand, but I guess it stems from my submissive feelings which at the time I was still refusing to own up to.

I actually spent much of my life not wanting to have children, which was why when I hesitantly agreed to have a child (this was 13 years ago), I was secretly amazed and surprised at how sexy being pregnant made me feel! And the idea that my husband was impregnating me... oooh! The ULTIMATE in a control I at the time secretly loved but refused to admit on many levels.

Even now, that I am no longer able to conceive (for me a good thing--we have all the kids we wanted)... I sometimes secretly pretend my husband is trying to impregnate me when we make love... often it makes me orgasm right away!

And all this time I thought I was the only woman who felt this way!

by BlueRose on 2005 Aug 7 - 23:16 | login or register to post comments

Erotic pregnancy

I try in vain to imagine the scenario. My husband walks into the room and announces dramatically "I'm going to stop using birth control because you are my property and I will get you pregnant whether you like it or not!" Is this a turn-on? Er, no. If he said to me "Darling, I would love to have another child, how about it?" Then I would seriously consider it, even though at my time of life it would be a doubtful prospect to say the least.

Being treated as if it doesn't matter what you want AT ALL (especially with something as serious as childbearing) Is that really what real Taken In Hand women want? Being denied pain relief in childbirth, ordered to breastfeed whether you want to or not? Even having your husband appropriate your breast milk (which, contrary to what some men on here seem to imagine, is intended for babies rather than men).

This is so far from being erotic to me that I might as well be on a different planet. Being treated as if your own needs are of no importance at all, I did not think this was what Taken In Hand was supposed to be about. Evidently I was mistaken.

by Louise C on 2005 Aug 8 - 03:55 | login or register to post comments

You are not mistaken, Louise

Louise, you are not mistaken. It is absolutely vital that the relationship (and the man) take into account the wishes of the woman. It would NOT be a Taken In Hand relationship if a man were to do that to YOU, because YOU would hate it. But for a different individual woman, what I described and what others have talked about would be highly erotic and most definitely what they want.

The only mistake you are making about Taken In Hand is to think that it is a one-size-fits-all thing. It is not. We are all individuals and have our own unique preferences and wishes and concerns and problems. What will appeal to one woman will not appeal to another. The relationship needs to reflect that.

You cannot expect to like what some other woman likes. That is just not how it works.

But the important respect in which you are absolutely right about Taken In Hand is that the man cares about the woman's wishes and wants the woman to be happy and acts accordingly, in whatever way that might mean given that individual woman's wishes. (The same is true in reverse of course.)

I hope this reassures you.

by the boss on 2005 Aug 8 - 04:31 | login or register to post comments

Sexism: enemy of attraction

After reading the messages the “Brazilian” reader wrote to the boss, I (myself a Brazilian) can only come to the conclusion that this person is a very aggressive sexist, to begin with.
Sexists are people who are in essence afraid of the opposite sex, for some reason.
They try to make their emotional incompetence more palatable to themselves through lowering of the opposite sex.
These attempts can only lead to more and more frustration, because this behavior is repellent to those they wish so badly they could attract.
The intensity of sexism varies from constant joking to intense, bitter cursing. Usually it gets more aggressive and coward with time.
All of us who are or strive to be in a Taken In Hand, DD, D/s or any kind of relationship where sexism doesn’t have a place should, in my opinion, feel blessed we could find the possibility of a fulfilling interaction that (re)generates attraction and makes us all powerful and immune to the psychological misery of the external world.
We are all fortunate enough to have the gift of bringing deep love, confidence and happiness to our daily lives, by living the way we really want to.
May our example help poor creatures like the one who wrote the messages the boss received find a solution to their frustrations.

Valley

by Valley on 2005 Aug 10 - 00:18 | login or register to post comments

Hmm, never thought about it like that before

I have two children from a previous non Taken In Hand marriage. I am now remarried and we are trying to get pregnant. I have always loved being pregnant even with the misery, but this thought gives it an added bonus.

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2005 Aug 11 - 13:57 | login or register to post comments

In retrospect

Well, my husband and I were not Taken In Hand when I was pregnant with any of our children and we are not having any more. Also, since two of them were happy surprises, he couldn't very well have impregnated me on purpose.

I do remember, however, that some of the most possessive, pre-Taken In Hand stuff he ever did was when I was pregnant. He would get very insistent about me not doing things that were less than good for me. He was also very protective at that time and I would let him be, whereas I used to really get annoyed at stuff like that when I wasn't pregnant. Also, sometimes he will tell me that he is going to impregnate me whether I like it or not when we are doing rape scenes, even though he knows he can't.

He also always found pregnancy a big turn on. Of course, it doesn't hurt that after the first trimester fatigue is over, I get very interested in sex and I get very excited about the baby moving and feel really wonderful about my body at that time. I love the anticipation and all the attention that you get when you are pregnant and I think my happiness and excitement translates to being more attractive.

My husband also thinks lactating is sexy and not gross at all. I am still nursing and he still likes it. I know lots of other men who also like it.

From the other side of the fence, I have also heard of cuckolded men getting turned on by their wives getting pregnant by other men. I am not sure what I think of that idea but it is an interesting flipside to this pregnancy coin.

Otter*

"The moment that I looked into your eyes, you owned me."
-Kenny Chesney

by Otter on 2005 Aug 12 - 21:04 | login or register to post comments

Pregnancy IS the most blatant sign of submission

This article really resonated with me. When I was pregnant with our children, I never felt more feminine, sexy, and cared for. Back then, I was in serious denial of my submissive needs, and I didn't really understand where those feelings were coming from, but I knew I never felt more like my husband's woman. As a result, I was hot for him ALL the time. I remember making love and thinking about possibly getting impregnated (during non-pregnant moments, of course), and it was such a turn on! I remember hearing my friends talk about how miserable pregnancy was, and wondering if I was a freak. Looking back, I regret that I wasn't able to reconcile erotic feelings with breastfeeding in my puritanical mind, therefore, the breasts were for the kid, and I was uncomfortable having my husband touch them until the kid was weaned. Poor guy, I nursed one kid for almost two years!

by Schmoodle on 2005 Aug 16 - 23:12 | login or register to post comments

Great topic!

This is such a hot topic! I recognized my own comments in response to your poll, and I realized they were mild in comparison to others!

This is such a primal and sexy topic! There is nothing better than feeling those hard-core Male/female feelings of impregnation, pregnancy, and breast-feeding. It's what we were meant to do!

Unfortunately, some of us experienced that wonderful experience with the wrong person, or in the wrong way. I, personally, found out later in life how much better it could have been.

I am still very grateful and happy for the beautiful child I have, and also for the beautiful children my darling husband has, but it would have been great to have experienced those intense feelings together with the man that has been my husband for the last ten years.

We lovingly parent our children together, and have a very strong, loving family life, but we both sometimes wish we had met each other earlier - in time to have children together. We're lucky that we share such a strong fantasy world and sex life together - we both fantasize about him impregnating me or me being able to breastfeed.

We truly cherish our time together and our children are very happy. All of us feel deeply blessed to be together and love one another as much as we do. Your family is what you make it, no matter how it happens!

by babydoll on 2005 Aug 17 - 08:50 | login or register to post comments

impregnation/lactation

Oh Wow!! I just read this for the second time and am still just blown away. My only regret is that we are long past the stage of actual impregnation. However. I have seriously considered relactating. I am so turned on by the idea of his suckling my breasts and having the milk just pour out all over him, and then drinking his fill. When I was nursing our children I enjoyed the feel of my breasts so tight and bulging and even a little sore from being so full. The idea of its all being there for his pleasure is a tremendous turn-on. I know that he would love it too and has started to suckle more than nibble lately. I love both, by the way. Taken in Hand is a great site. Keep it going!!

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2005 Sep 20 - 21:48 | login or register to post comments

Having his Baby

I just now read this article. I was pregnant 3 times and thinking back it was kind of an erotic feeling because it made me feel more than ever that I belong to him by having his baby. Though with my first pregnancy that feeling kind of scared me, everything was so new and I was afraid of being totally dependant on him. It got better with each pregnancy, though when my stomach got bigger it was kind of in the way during sex. After the baby was born we didn`t have that much sex because it seemed like every time we started the baby cried.

What I do regret is not having enough pictures during that time. We do have some though and one of them I had inlarged, it`s hanging on the bedroom wall. It`s of me standing topless by the window with my hands on my stomach when I was 9 months pregnant with our son. I love that picture.

Autumn

by Autumn on 2005 Sep 22 - 06:01 | login or register to post comments

Having his baby

Ah, one of my favourite topics.

It's almost the most dominant controlling thing a man can do to his wife. Of course he consults her, discussed it and determines their situation but he's in control of it. If I have another child if I marry again, I would be quite happy to cede that power to him.

by Hera on 2006 Jan 12 - 22:39 | login or register to post comments

Having 'his' baby

I never thought of it like this. I always thought of it as 'my' baby during all three of my pregnancies. He was the one who got me pregnant, but it was always 'my' baby while I was having it. I never felt dominated or controlled as a result of being pregnant, quite the contrary. He never came in and said "I'm getting you pregnant whether you like it or not", if he had I'd have just laughed myself silly. I simply do not get this business about pregnancy as a form of control, it never controlled me at all.

I only ever started to think about the children as 'ours' rather than 'mine' after they were born. When I saw him holding them with rapt joy on his face, then I realised fully that they were his as well as mine, but not until then. I think he did see them as a way of attaching me to him, he expressed pleasure when I get pregnant with my second son because, as he explained, he always thought I would leave him when our oldest son grew up. I was touched and surprised when he told me that, because by then I had long since got past any wish to leave him, and I hadn't realised that he was still afraid that I would. But this was more of an indcation of a desperate wish to hang onto me rather than a urge to control me.

by Louise C on 2006 Jan 13 - 06:57 | login or register to post comments

Explosive sex and impregnation

‘It is a terrible shame that so few women experience pregnancy and even impregnation erotically.’ I don’t agree with the statement on the front page article and I refuse to believe that I am just on of a small minority that justifies you using the word ’few’.

Neither of us had enjoyed a more profound sexual experience than when we decided to conceive a child. All the mystery and power of the sexual act had been brought into focus. This, deep down, we decided was what this whole business was all about. It was utterly beautiful and deeply biological. We both felt as if all our nerve endings were tuned as finely as a concert grand and it made for explosive sex.

Aphra Austen

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2006 May 27 - 03:40 | login or register to post comments

His baby would be great

His baby would be great, if only I were younger. Remains only imagination... I agree with Louise that my babies were "my". Once I read that a baby is mother's little god, I agree. I don't know how this would be in my nowadays takeninhand relationsship but I doubt that anybody wold take babie's first place of my focus.

One comment to breast-feeding. It is erotic. The kid is mother's little lover! (Recently I read that during orgasm is produced oxytocin, the same hormon which participates in breast-feading.)

Hali

by HaliH on 2006 May 29 - 19:50 | login or register to post comments

Amen

You could not be so more right!! I have been taken in hand for about 6 months now and a few weeks ago he took my pills and threw them away and told me it time that I gave him a child. Sex has been intense since then; I always hope this is the time. I have been told by many women they knew it happened, so I am waiting for that feeling.

So you do not think its one sided, I am 26, he is 42. He has no children, neither do I and we have talked about it before, and decided last year that this would be our time to become parents. So, yes it was our decision, yet it was his to decide when. How did I feel when he told me it was time for him to impregnate me? I cried, and they where happy tears.

I try my best to be a good wife, he has only spanked me and grounded me once (and yes I deserved it, you can ask me why if you wish), so I cannot wait to be a good wife by being a good mom to his children.

by tonismith on 2007 Feb 13 - 19:03 | login or register to post comments

His children

I muust say I've never thought of my children as 'his' children, I tend to think of them as mine. Sometimes I have to remind myself that they're his as well, especially when he's laying down the law about something to do with them and I want to argue with him about it. A man is useful for getting you pregnant, but after that most of the work is done by the woman.

I wouldn't go so far as Alice Thomas Ellis, who was given to saying things like "The perfect couple isn't a man and a woman, it's a woman and a child" and "There is no recipricocity. Men love women, women love children, children love hamsters, and hamsters don't love anyone.", but I don't think I could ever take the view of seeing the children as 'his' and myself as just a sort of incubator for his seed. My husband seems to take the view that the children are my accomplishment rather than his "Aren't you clever to have had three such beautiful children" he frequently says to me admiringly. This is highly gratifying and I am glad that he thinks there's something I'm good at.

Louise

by Louise C on 2007 Feb 13 - 21:40 | login or register to post comments

Re. Amen

I don`t think it`s a good idea to plan a child like that. The man throwing away the pill and than more or less ordering you to get pregnant? Have you thought about how he`s gonna react if by any chance you can`t have children. It`s not like going on e-bay and buying something. There are more than enough people out there who can not have children. I don`t believe when it comes to having children the man should tell the woman that it`s time for her to get pregnant. Because with this attitude he`s gonna disappointed in you if it doesn`t happen.

Autumn

by Autumn on 2007 Feb 14 - 12:53 | login or register to post comments

She said it was a mutual choi

She said it was a mutual choice, that he just dictated the exact when, and she was so happy she cried. If we were financially in a position to have children I would probably react the same way. Of course it wouldn't work for all couples. If a woman really objected to it I'm sure she would have not so kindly suggested some other things he could do with his penis.

It's true some couples can't have children, but would he or she be any less disappointed if the decision to have children had been made over a 4 hour discussion of whether the time was right? If they love each other the inability to have children, I'm sure, would be something they would get through painfully, but together.

by cj on 2007 Feb 19 - 02:44 | login or register to post comments

A mutual choice

Yes, she said that it was a mutual choice for them to have children, but she also said it was his choice when it was going to happen. I believe a couple can plan to have children and the man can even order the woman to stop taking the pill, but it is still up to nature whether it`s gonna happen or not.

We never had a 4 hour discussion of whether the time was right either, we didn`t use any protection against pregnancy and actually never even talked about it before we had our first child. But I would`ve been worried if he would`ve said that now is the time for me to get pregnant and then it might`ve not happened. It could make a woman feel like a failure. Where in our case it wouldn`t have mattered so much if it would`ve took 10 years or more for me to get pregnant.

Autumn

by Autumn on 2007 Feb 19 - 09:21 | login or register to post comments

wow...you have a lot more pat

Wow...you have a lot more patience than I do. If I were trying hard to get pregnant, even if my boyfriend hadn't told me it is the time, I would still feel really dissapointed if I couldn't. I'd imagine that if we both knew I'd stopped taking the pill and we both wanted to get pregnant and I couldn't, he would be equally dissapointed, but not with me, with the situation.

I think even the most arrogant man knows that he cannot truly control when his wife gets pregnant. Beyond stopping the birth control, women have little control over it either. To me the action and the statement were symbolic of the couple's mutual desire to move onto the next step in their relationship together. Sometimes our desires go unfufilled. That's disappointing, but I don't think that means we shouldn't dare to desire in the first place.

by cj on 2007 Feb 19 - 13:55 | login or register to post comments

As long as it is a desire and

As long as it is a desire and not an expectation it is ok. Life can be quite disappointing if you have to many expectations, but to wish for certain things is ok.

Autumn

by Autumn on 2007 Feb 19 - 17:24 | login or register to post comments

Impregnantion

I have often thought about the subject of impregnantion to have an orgasm with sex during my boyfriend. In fact, it was I who iniated it and not he! After I let him know MY feelings on the subject of pregnancy, it's turned him on to know that I want to grow with his seed. Of course, this might sound weird to a lot of people but it's one of the most powerful orgasms I've had thinking about this. It really does sound primitive sometimes but I just can't help it.

Growing with his seed and breastfeeding his baby... Maybe it's instinct, who knows. I even have a personal friend whos says that after her first pregnancy she had dreams about getting pregnant too. (in a good way) I think some women like the whole take-harge male type of scenario but that is totally different than what me and my man experience.

I think its more about wanting to have something more special than just sex, just knowing that what you're doing with someone you love means more than just gratification, it means to me mixing two spirits to become one and the feeling is just intoxicating during sex. I'm glad to feel I'm not the only one who has these feelings!

by AmyUSA on 2007 Apr 30 - 02:40 | login or register to post comments

I'm torn, because in some way

I'm torn, because in some ways you are very right, it is the ultimate marker of a husband's power - BUT - and this is a big damned but - It's also the birth of another life, and a lifetime commitment to parenting, putting everything (even eachother) as secondary to that little life.

Pregnancy was amazing, and I did feel intensely female (though we were not Taken In Hand at that point) and there was definite the hint of where our relationship would go (me feeling very much "precious" carrying his child, and him feeling very proud that I was carrying his child)... BUT, to say that the decision to have a child is just an extension of the power exchange in a relationship is a terrifying concept, because when it's 3 am and you haven't slept for more than two hours in a week, and haven't had time for sex in that whole time because you're learning to parent, welllllll.... It's a very very different feeling (and I know there are a lot of Mom's on here who know that feeling)..

So *if* you want to have children, revel in that possession, revel in that ownership and power (be it by using it or by feeling it used on you), but *do not* have a child because you get to revel in those things. They are a fantastic side effect of parenthood, but an atrocious reason to have children, and I've seen people decide to have children for the wrong reasons, and it never goes well for any of the people (all 3 of them) involved...

by treitell on 2007 May 30 - 14:35 | login or register to post comments

His baby vs. my baby

I must confess, I don't understand this school of thought at all. It takes two to make a baby. Both partners are equally vital in the process. Yes, I felt the sole responsibility of prenatal care of my children, but in no way did I ever feel they were mine. Maybe if he'd wanted to abort a baby. Then, your darn straight I would have assumed full ownership! Nor did I feel that they were his. I never considered myself an incubator for his seed. Rather, they were always ours in my mind. They were something that we created together. They were our accomplishment.

"I muust say I've never thought of my children as 'his' children, I tend to think of them as mine. Sometimes I have to remind myself that they're his as well, especially when he's laying down the law about something to do with them and I want to argue with him about it. A man is useful for getting you pregnant, but after that most of the work is done by the woman."

While I agree that women do the work during pregnancy, I certainly don't think they do all of the work afterwards & men are kind of tossed to the side in this area. Maybe I took that point wrong. In our household, I am the one who spends more time with our children, as he works outside the home and I don't. However, he is very involved in raising them. He plays a vital role in our family. He brings to our family the male leadership they (we) need, he brings his values, his love, and he teaches them things from a male perspective that I couldn't possibly teach them. I'm not trying to discount anyone else's opinion, or say that their husbands don't do these things. I just think we shouldn't be so quick to dismiss the importance of our men's role as fathers. They are extremely valuable. Just because we do much of the legwork, doesn't mean they're more ours than theirs.

As far as pregnancy being erotic, I'm sorry to say that I didn't experience that. I wasn't in a Taken in Hand relationship then. We're done having children now, so it's too late. I do however think it would be a highly erotic thing! Definately the ultimate form of control!

Great article!

Dynomite

by dynomite on 2007 Jun 1 - 15:15 | login or register to post comments

A few observations.

There are a few thing that I have observed over the years.

When a couple says they are trying to get pregnant, they have a glow in their eye that says, their sexual behavior has suddenly gained in purpose and frequency. This is similar to a Taken In Hand relationship where the couple gives sex meaning when they say it is his right and his way to control. To put the two together would be intense.

The second thing I have noticed is a man's protective nature of his pregnant wife. The average Joe will be seen opening car doors, getting her a pillow for her back, and even rubbing her feet. I can see how the Taken In Hand wife would benefit extra by his making her feel sexy even as she gets "fat".

What I have found to be one of the most interesting thing, is that it is usually the man who decides how many children they have. (With the exceptions of women who have been told by their doctor that it is unhealthy for her to have more.) The man is the one who decides if he will allow her to have more, or if he thinks they have enough. A women will emotionally waver on the number of children they should have. I have yet to meet a couple where the women firmly decided the number of offspring against her man's will.

by Good Girl on 2007 Jun 7 - 15:49 | login or register to post comments

Whose baby?

When I talked about the woman doing most of the work, I meant during pregnancy, i.e. the work of actually producing the child. It is the reason why I am disconcerted by the idea that a man would just tell a woman that she is to have a baby,, when she is the one who is going to have to endure nine months of sickness, exhaustion, high blood pressure etc (yes, I know there are women who manage to get through pregnancy without any of that, but women like that really piss me off, and I don't want to think about them). Not to mention the gruesome process of childbirth at the end (and yes, I do also know that there are women who sail through it without difficulty, but I'm not one of those either).

And although my husband has always done a lot for the children, and is quite good with them (when they're not actually driving him mad), I still have a tendency to be quite possesive about them, and I do find it difficult to not spring to their defence when he is telling them off about something, but instead say something like "do what Dad tells you". It has been one of the major changes in our relationship since we started Taken In Hand, that I do try to not intefere between him and them. It is very difficult sometimes. It can annoy them as well.

"Who is the leader in our house?" no.2. son said to me recently. "Dad is" I replied. "and who is second leader?" he asked hopefully. "I am" I said firmly. "That's what I thought" he said resignedly (I think he had aspirations to the post himself). "Why can't you just be equals?" he asked me. Oh God, how to answer that one! Feeling he was a little too young to be directed towards the Taken In Hand site, I replied rather lamely "Because it suits us best like this", and hoped he would let it go at that. Which he did, for the time being.

And despite all my best efforts, when it comes to the crunch I think I do still have a tendency to think of the children as being mine rather than ours, and I do have to make the effort, sometimes, to remind myself that they are as much his as mine.

And I am still quite unable to think of pregnancy as a form of control, or as being in any way erotic. if I got pregnant again now (which God forbid), I am sure it would be all as before, tiredness, sickness, a lot of "Oh God, I wish I was dead". When you are pregnant, it's Old Stepmother Nature who is in control.

Louise

by Louise C on 2007 Jun 17 - 07:16 | login or register to post comments

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