A man with quiet authority is a rare man indeed and one I would like to find. This is someone who is confident in himself and has no need to bully or threaten, etc. It is UNDERSTOOD that he is in charge. As a new signle woman embarking on this journey I can only compare it to how I relate to my niece and nephews. I would never raise a hand to them but there is a tone in my voice and actions that I fully expect them to submit to my authority. I do not yell at them, threaten them, or abuse them in any way. I play with them and interact wonderfully but there is that understanding that I am in charge. Why does this seem to be so hard for men (or at least the ones I meet?)

Tmir

I hope that not everyone who reads Taken In Hand believes that all wives who submit to the authority of their husbands are subject to corporal punishment. While I wish to be obedient and to follow my DHs directives, I don't want the threat of spankings or standing in the corner or other punishments hanging over me. I accept that he is in charge. I accept that he "wears the pants in the family". In addition, I believe that obedience is sexy and romantic (like Tracy & Hepburn, etc.). It means that I trust him and that I respect the fact that he is a better "life manager" than I am. I have other skills.

I am the mechanical one in the family--if something breaks, then I fix it. If it is mechanical, electrical, mathematical, or computer oriented, then I do it. If it is financial or labour intensive or has anything to do with an automobile, then he attends to it. If it requires interpersonal skills, then it is his domain.

I take care of housekeeping with his help. I do ALL of the cooking and laundry (fuel magically appears in my automobile and clean clothes magically appear in his drawers and closets -- it is an AMAZING THING!!!). I submit ideas for his approval. I think we do have a relationship based in equality.

I am an ardent feminist. If I worked for an executive and I were an executive assistant, then I would consider myself his equal as a person. I would not be inferior to my boss. He would be the one in charge, that is all.

I can be strong willed and a force to be reckoned with. However, I always, ALWAYS do my very best to be an obedient and sexy wife. I am spoiled in many ways. I don't need to work outside the home. I drive the vehicle I want and have the house and lifestyle that I want. I am not a frivolous person, but if I wanted an extravagant piece of jewellery, I know that he would give it to me just because I wanted it.

My husband is a quiet man. Some people think he must be henpecked because he is so quiet and I am more outspoken. I have several loud obnoxious relatives who think this. My father believes this; he is a man who THINKS he is in charge but my mother was ALWAYS the boss. Strangely, these people never notice that my husband always has the last word, that he can shut me up with a glance, and that there are many things that I don't do (such as attend family functions without him).

My husband does not raise his voice. He would never say something like, "I forbid you to do that". He will say something like, "I don't want you to go out alone after dark", and I know that he is concerned for my safety and I would not disregard this concern and have him worry about me. I don't want to stress him or cause him worry. I have too much respect and love for him.

I am permitted to bitch, complain, and even whine at times. Nevertheless, when he says, "That's enough", then it is. He does not choose my clothes or tell me when and how to sleep (I need little sleep) or limit my time for television or computer or tell me how to spend money. He doesn't micro-manage. He expects certain things and I try to provide those things. I expect to be told when I am slipping so adjustments can be made. I am the one who must adjust, not him.

My husband is the HOH. He controls the direction of our lives. He is in charge, and he tells me what tasks that I need to carry out to make our lives run smoothly, or things that I must refrain from doing because they are disruptive to our family life. He does what he needs to do to secure the safety and financial security of our family. He is the CEO.

He does occasionally scold me in his quiet deep voice. It makes me feel terrible that I've disappointed him. I truly doubt that I would ever be motivated to change my behaviour by a spanking. I don't like pain. I don't find it sexy or motivating. My husband has never spanked me or told me to stand in a corner for a "time out", or taken away "privileges" and I doubt that he ever would. I'm not a child. I can be reasoned with. I don't require physical punishment to obey at home anymore than I required it when I was in the workforce.

I suppose though, that if my husband did believe that spanking me would be the only way to resolve an issue, then I would submit. Actually, I am sure that I would. I just can't imagine that ever being necessary. Not that we don't ever disagree. We do. I am opinionated, but I'm not recalcitrant or obstinate or insubordinate.

I am always sexually available. I might not always be in the mood, and I might tell him so and he might rescind his offer -- or he might not. But I would NEVER reject him and even if I am not in the mood, I would always put my best effort into it. He always deserves my best effort.

He is my best friend, the love of my life and he is my sexual fantasy. Moreover, he has been for the last three odd decades of our marriage.

KESSIE

I think both Kessie and louise have the right idea. Its a matter of what's right for you. I'm a quiet man by nature, I guide rather than yell unless I'm pushed into a corner and need to use that voice, I prefer a glance to embarassing whom I'm with to deal with things.

It's because of this that I ended up divorced. The lady in my life never understood that quiet did not mean that I wasn't authoritative, and running into the brick wall that was my will while ignoring my gentle attempts to guide her to understand me and how what she was doing to different people was destructive (unrelated topic to this, but shows how I approached things) just wouldn't work. It takes a special man to be both authoritative and understanding, and it takes a special woman to be both submissive (in her own way, each is unique to the relationship and the person) and have a personality that she doesn't suppress for the first part (otherwise she'd be a boring, one-dimensional person in many respects by suppressing who she is). Its a shame when others don't realize what they have, and it makes it even worse for the one that is offering so much (lady or man). My hats off to Kessie for having such a good relationship as she describes it.

Twolfe81 (Canada)

Men with those traits ARE out there....believe me, I know. After my first marriage which was a total disaster, I didn't think I would EVER want to do that again. But, 16 (yes SIXTEEN) years later, I got a bee in my bonnet and decided to look around. I found exactly the type of man you are talking about...it was wonderful, truly wonderful. Unfortunately, he died of cancer days shy of our first anniversary. Now, 4 years later, and many many misses (and more than a few toads), I have found another man of quiet strength and authority and once again it is wonderful. He is everything I ever dreamed of and then some, and believe me when I say it is worth the effort and the wait to keep looking and to hold out until you find him. Good Luck, and don't give up. JB

Kessie is right. She has, probably, the "textbook" Taken in Hand, traditional relationship. Part of the point of a spanking is to deal with disobedience. It's not "about" the spanking. But if no disobedience exists, there is no need for "discipline".

I also see here a woman who is submitting to her husband's decision on how to take her in hand.

I see a woman who is the quintessential "taken in hand woman".

Louise, I understand what you're saying about thinking it's a fantasy, not really believing in the reality of it. I was the same way... for 17 years of marriage. But now, in a few, short weeks, that's all changed. And I find myself becoming more like Kessie. I realize now that my secret wish to be taken in hand all these years was just a secret wish that he'd take control.

I can only speak for me, but obviously Kessie agrees. If his authority isn't real, then there's nothing really sexy about it. He shouldn't *have* to physically exert his will. If he did, it's because of disobedience, disrespect, whatever. It's because his wife *isn't* COMPLETELY taken in hand. Right? She's disciplined because she needs to be taken in hand. But if she is submissive, obedient, respectful, she doesn't need any "correction".

But again, I totally understand you're viewpoint.

Were both written over a year ago, and my point of view has somewhat changed since then. I have discovered that obeying my husband is pleasurable in itself, and doesn't have to involve spanking, or the threat of spanking. And he can make me behave without laying a finger on me. And I understand much better now why women get pleasure out of being submissive without spanking or punishment being involved at all (though pesonally I still have a strong desire for the spanking). I don't think I could ever be completely Taken In Hand though, not if it means never being disrespectful or disobedient or whatever, such perfection is quite beyond me!

But I still don't think that it is essential for there to be a head of the family, or that life is chaos if someone doesn't have the last word. I think most people can probably get by quite happy without ever being Taken In Hand.