Hi the boss, I have to admit that I don't consider myself naturally submissive. When I first met Gary I had what he called unrefined fantasies that revolved around spanking and some submission. But there would have to be a far stretch of the imagination to think that I had even an iota of submission in me. In fact we have a signiture moment when I had to 'whisper' the word submsission because I could not say it out loud. It just wasn't me. Yet here I am submitting to Gary and happily so. Why is that. Why do I allow myself to submit to his will and be so happy about it.

I think there are many reasons. Firstly lets say I am not submissive anywhere else. Secondly lets establish that submission alone does not satisfy me.

Gary loves me like I have only read about in romances.

He is strong, loving, nurturing and completely relentless on my well being and happiness.

I have fantasies of being spanked. And then I have fantasies of the man who loves me. Then I put them together and I have the man who loves me, spanks me and takes care of me.

And Gary almost stepped out of my fantasy and into my world to make this a reality.

I am and have never been submissive before. And I have strict orders that I am never to be submissive to another soul besides his, or suffer his wrath.

So why is the question.

Is it the security of his all encompassing love.

Is it the knowledge that I am the one he loves so completely.

Or is the connection that this submission brings so satisfying that I have eagerly given in to his will.

I think it is all of the above.

And yes, there was a small unrefined thought in my head from the beginning.

With Gary's sculping and my eagerness to please we have our relationship.

And never will I ever look for someone to inspire me, to create a wetness, a fire as he does.

True submission or nurtured.

Either way I am in love and it works.........Blush

Hello, my name is amber and I'm new to this site. The writings here and the ideas behind them have struck a resonance within me and I'm happy to have stumbled across it. While doing some back-reading, I found this thread and the question: "Are there women who don't consider themselves “not naturally submissive” who can relate to what Blush and Annie are saying?"

I know it's been awhile since anyone posted, but felt compelled to reply.

I'm naturally submissive. Though many people view me as a leader-type, I've long known that my strength comes in supporting, helping and serving others, rather than leading them.

However, like Tmir, I don't know that my submission is necessarily recognizable by others. Certainly, if I radiated submissiveness, wouldn't more dominant men be interested in getting to know me? Instead, I tend to think that my strength, which is fueled by my submissive nature, is intimidating to those who don't understand it. My ex-husband didn't.

Naturally submissive women are not pushovers. We still make decisions, take care of business, lead others and stand up for things in which we believe. And, as I'm sure has been expressed by others on this site, we don't submit to just anyone. Weak men leave me feeling cold and sometimes disgusted by their inability to take control of a situation. I also don't think I could submit to someone whose integrity and intelligence I didn't respect.

Blush said, "The thought of becoming more submissive is or would be an enhancement of what we already have." I agree. While I'm not currently seeing someone, being able to express my submissiveness in a trusting environment does enhance my personality and allows me to feel some measure of peace.

She also said, "...he tells me that never am I going to lose myself." That is most certainly true. As I've learned, submission doesn't detract, it enhances.

Blush said, "I guess the best way to describe it, is to equate submission with sexuality." Here is where I disagree. Submission can enhance sexuality and, perhaps, draw it out, but [dominance and] submission is not about sex. Ultimately, it is about freedom. Freedom to trust, freedom to be trusted. Freedom to love and be loved fully in return. Freedom to explore. Freedom to step out of the constricting, politically-correct boundaries of modern society. Freedom to lose the mask we wear in public and just be who and what we really are.

Now if Blush means that sex is a tool that helped her get used to the idea of submission, then I would understand. I do believe that many times dominance and submission begins in the bedroom with sex games and expands from there.

I do have a question for Blush. You stated, "I am and have never been submissive before. And I have strict orders that I am never to be submissive to another soul besides his, or suffer his wrath." Taken in context with your prior statement of equating submission with sexuality, I suppose this could make sense. However, I find I'm still confused. Just what does it mean to you to "be submissive"?

For me, submission has nothing to do with spanking or feeling a connection with another (though emotional connections do happen and are very powerful). It's about my need to be free to be who and what I am. And while I do not wish to be a little girl again or to leave all the work to someone else (serving another full time is very hard work, indeed *s*), I do understand the exhaustion that results from feeling one has to be self-reliant 100% of the time, and of never being allowed to let down one's guard long enough for someone else to take the reigns.

Thank you for your time.

amber Juel

Hi Amber, I'm glad to be meeting you. You have written a very thoughtful and thought provoking post.

When I was reading trying to understand what you were saying, many insights came to me. But it was your question that I came to answer.

I am not naturally submissive. In fact it was the farthest thought from my mind. Yet in my fantasies, I always submitted to a man who either wanted to love me with a firm hand, or love me and spank me.

But it was a fantasy that revolved around sexual feelings.

Now when Gary met me and set upon unraveling my feelings out, he found out just how turbulent my life had been.

He saw I was able to still tune in to my sexual nature, and seeing that I could relate to that, he would bring me to very passionate places to plant his ideas, to bring the seeds of submission out to the open.

He felt I had all sorts of submissive thoughts, just nothing defined and certainly not refined.

But he knew that I would view the place of passion as safe.

I trusted him in the bedroom, so he used the tools he had and started to guide and train me there.

Hence my co-existence with submission and sexuality

Now, it is 6 years later.

What does submission mean to me now.

It is a very different place. Like you I recognize that it takes a very strong woman to submit and be submissive in a serious way. Meaning, I still feel who 'I' am despite the privileges I give up when demanded.

And submission does mean freedom. That has probably been the one single most valuable lesson I learned. While I give up, submit and serve, it allows me to be free from all my worries, my thoughts and problems that plague me when I am 'not' submissive. I am so well taken care of, so loved and attended to. I only have to respond and comply. He tells me what to do. My only role is to say I enjoy it or I don't. He will decide what comes next.

But even though my submission isn't always available without prodding, as we haven't gotten that far yet, when he asserts himself strongly, I seem to still have this direct link to my vagina. He just turns me on so damn much. Now it's not all sexual, I just can't stop from getting wet sometimes.

Mind you it doesn't seem to happen when he says 'no' for reasons. It's more in the nature of demanding my body or my mind....Amber, thank you for letting me reassess my submissive thoughts.....Blush

I agree that you don't actually have to have sex to have sumbissive feelings, but nevertheless the submissive feeling is, for me, specifically sexual in nature. One of the most interesting aspects of being Taken In Hand, as far as I am concerned,is that I seem to be in a mild state of sexual arousal now whenever my husband is present, he doesn't have to touch me or anything, I am just much more conscious of him sexually, and more responsive. Sex and submission are simultaneous feelings with me, I've never had a non-submissive sexual feeling or a non-sexual submissive one.

However, my submissive feelings do not extend to wanting to wait on my husband, which fortunately he doesn't expect anyway, being a very self-sufficient person. the boss's article sums up my own feelings exactly!