The first time ConfusedofHomeCounties looked at Taken In Hand, she really wasn't sure that there was anything here for her – but something kept her reading, and the more she read, the more she realised that her initial assumptions were mistaken. In this piece, she summarises what she has gleaned here.

In his eminently reasonable, calm way, Stephen takes up the discussion I started with my article, When rape is a gift. He argues that for some women, there is something very primal about being overpowered by a strong man.

Once upon a time there was a sassy 44-year-old Canadian woman who wanted to be taken in hand...

Baltazar (husband of CondusedofHomeCounties) talks about how they moved to a Taken In Hand relationship and how he discovered that taking his wife in hand helped stop rows getting out of hand, and may just have saved their marriage.

Don't miss these excellent posts answering the question of how to be sure that there is consent in a case where a woman has said she wants the man to take her in hand but does not want to give further explicit consent.

If a woman has clearly stated that she wants her man to lead, but does not want a safe-word and does not want to talk about it, how is a man to know whether there is consent or not when he spanks her? For any man who does not want to behave immorally and be an abuser, this is an important question.

ConfusedofHomeCounties (such a misnomer!) has been thinking about accountability and the seeming unfairness of a Taken In Hand relationship in which only one person is disciplined, and here presents an insightful account of how and why it works for her.

Nicole says of this piece: “This is the story of how I destroyed a dominant man and how we have moved from then to now. The transformations that have taken place. This is not a romance story. It is an ugly account of emotional abuse, the ramifications to the man being abused, and the recovery of the female abuser and her own transformation from being domineering to wanting to surrender to the man she abused.” I say to Nicole: instead of beating yourself up for past wrongs, learn from your mistakes (as you have, evidently) and move forwards. The fact that you are aware of what you have done, and have changed, makes you an objectively better person – and much more brave than most people. It takes courage to face these things. Celebrate your positive changes! Too much guilt can paralyse one's mind and prevent further improvements. No one is perfect. We all have no option but to start from where we are and make improvements from there.

How did you become interested in Taken In Hand? Here is Bonnie's story.

Hit the read article link for some excerpts from an 1897 book whose author says: “Like every other woman, I have my ideal of manhood. The difficulty is to describe it. First of all, he must be a gentleman; but that means so much that it, in its turn, requires explanation...”

Annie considers the nature of consensual non-consent and its impact on Taken In Hand relationships.

Hit the read article link for Bonnie's fabulous account of how she met her husband. As she herself says, it is a great story!

Tevemer is a feminist in a Taken In Hand relationship, and in this article, she argues persuasively that there is no inconsistency here.

What do you get out of your Taken In Hand relationship? As regular readers know, I have been asking this question a lot. Here is Tammy's answer.

A reader has written to ask what we have to say on the issue of so-called ‘equality’ and the criticism that Taken In Hand relationships can't possibly be healthy because they are not equal. Hit the read article link for an answer.

How did you tell your husband that you wanted to be taken in hand? And what happened when you did? Hit the read article for this heart-warming story of one person's journey from suppressing her desires, to getting what she wants.

Why do you use discipline in your relationship? For Melanie and Paul, it is erotic, it makes Melanie want to submit, and it makes Paul feel protective; thus, they want to make each other happy. Yeay!

The three things DG wants in a relationship, he has in abundance with his wife. To find out what those three things are, click the read article link.

Does being submissive imply a lack of self-expression? Do you think it means not expressing your opinions?

Don't miss this lovely account by Lady K of her development from vague stirrings when she read Heinlein's I Will Fear No Evil to the beautiful Taken In Hand relationship she and her husband have now.

It is just about acceptable to speak of ravishing a woman, but the idea of taking a woman, or ‘raping’ her, is taboo and emotive. How could it possibly feel to a woman like a gift? And yet, many woman want this. You do not have to hit the read article link. Please don't do so if you might be upset. Only read this piece if this is not a difficult issue for you.

Who is this person you're in a relationship with? KrosRogue says it is three persons.

When Melanie surrendered control and became submissive to her husband, a beautiful transformation happened. Hit the read article link now for this spellbinding piece.

Don't miss this short and very wise piece about the difference between submission and subjugation.

All her life, Judith has had a secret desire to be taken by a strong man.

Domineering and subjugation are not about building, they are about tearing down.

It's OK to want (to be) an anchor, says LAR.

When you receive comments like: “What happened? You two look so much in love now!” you may feel like sharing the secret of your success. But how can you tell people in ways that won't attract condemnation and wild misunderstandings? Frank Nelson has the answers!

In this beautiful piece about attitudes to emotional baggage, Noone gently suggests that a little humility might be in order.

As DG says, I have been asking men to write on the subject of what they get out of their Taken In Hand relationships, and why other men might want to do the same. For DG's rather explosive answer, hit the read article link now.

This short and very sweet piece by Melanie is about another fascinating and paradox of Taken In Hand relationships. I look forward to receiving more articles from you, Melanie!

Like many Taken In Hand readers, Tasha has always felt different, and she had always feared that someone would discover her secret and react badly. Hit the read article link to find out what happened when she revealed her deep dark secret to her husband.

The path to intimacy isn't always smooth, but if you can talk and think about the bumps and obstacles and together find your way through or around them, you will get there in the end. Hit the read article link for Sam and Missy's heartwarming account of how they handled such a breakdown on their road to intimacy.

Many Taken In Hand folk do not use physical discipline or punishment in their relationship. But for those who do, this series of articles explains some otherwise puzzling facts and paradoxes.

Baggage sometimes handicaps individuals so badly that they are simply unable to form good relationships. But in this heartfelt piece, Peaches points out that no one is completely baggage-free, and that, to the extent that it does not destroy a person, baggage can build character and make a person more interesting.

Sometimes, women who want a Taken In Hand relationship find themselves with someone domineering instead of dominant. How do you tell if you are with a jerk instead of a good guy?

No one is perfect, so what do you do when you have behaved badly? Following my article, Reaching out by offering yourself, Issie told this story of an offering of her own.

Frank Nelson's insights about the trouble people get into when they think in terms of ‘fairness’.

In her article, First year trials, Susie Joy mentioned that she had initially fought her husband's control but that they then found peace. Hit the read article link for her insights into the change of heart that changed everything.

I have been asking men to write on the subject of what they get out of having a Taken In Hand relationship. Other men here have since written more fully on the subject, but this answer by Todd Evans was one of the first, dating back to the very early days of this site.