Does being submissive mean not saying what you think?

Some think that being submissive implies not expressing your opinions or indeed expressing yourself.

Elle has been taught from the beginning: I chose you for your mind and strength and you are cheating me if you don't give it to me. I do insist that it be done with respect and I also insist that when I say ENOUGH, she accepts it as enough.

Without ego, I am a person with a great deal of intelligence, intellect, and of course at times arrogance. Which means when I am wrong. I can be spectacularly wrong. I require somebody smart enough to know when I am wrong, strong enough to tell me and sweet enough to make me like it. Oh well, 2 out of 3 ain't bad.

LAR

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2004 Mar 20 - 08:58 | login or register to post comments | latest article | previous article | next article |

perfect point

I love that you stated that so perfectly simple. It is a very important point most people that dont like or understand our interest miss.

Thank you.

by ash on 2004 Mar 20 - 18:46 | login or register to post comments

Sometimes, yes.

These things are tricky because the interpersonal dynamics between any couple is something akin to a snowflake. I think it is fair to say that most dominant men (whatever "flavor" they may be) do in fact enjoy and cherish the intellect and personality of their submissive partner. We men, well...we're men! And we all know what that means. We LOVE the female form! But I believe that men who choose to be in relationships do move off on a slightly different path. In large measure, men who are happy in their relationship dynamic stay focused not just because a girl has all the "parts" they desire...rather, it is who she is in total that makes her (and her parts!) desirable on an on-going and long term basis. Bringing this home, I believe a submissive woman should learn when to speak and when not to. I don't mean this in the sense of everyday conversation. I am referring to her ability to pick her "battles." And beyond that, as LAR alludes to, she should try and discover the best way(s) of presenting those issues which are of true importance to her. Part of the work of being a submissive (and yes, I think there is work on both sides) is to learn how to self-edit. After all, if you are submissive this means you submit, yes? I believe that a submissive who learns this skill not only serves her man, but also the relationship as a whole. This is because an involved dominant will understand quite clearly that this is going on, and therefore, he should be ready and willing to listen when something is said...for he knows that she wouldn't say it unless it had some level of importance to her. If she "cries wolf" over every little thing (and he allows that!) soon, as in the story, her words will have less and less importance to him until one day he simply wont care at all. But if she does her best to self-edit, then he should react positively when comments are made...and she will feel that he is connected to her. That he is loving and desiring to take the very best care of her in her submission. The perfect circle.

Be well.

by Kirk on 2004 Mar 26 - 23:43 | login or register to post comments

Taken In Hand and “the work of a submissive”

Does Taken In Hand imply the woman's submissive? Kirk said:

I believe a submissive woman should learn when to speak and when not to. I don't mean this in the sense of everyday conversation. I am referring to her ability to pick her "battles." And beyond that, as LAR alludes to, she should try and discover the best way(s) of presenting those issues which are of true importance to her. Part of the work of being a submissive (and yes, I think there is work on both sides) is to learn how to self-edit. After all, if you are submissive this means you submit, yes? I believe that a submissive who learns this skill not only serves her man, but also the relationship as a whole. This is because an involved dominant will understand quite clearly that this is going on, and therefore, he should be ready and willing to listen when something is said...for he knows that she wouldn't say it unless it had some level of importance to her.
Well I guess I'm not submissive then. I have no desire to be in a relationship where I have to walk on eggshells or watch what I say. I guess I just not the submissive kinda girl. However I am a Taken In Hand kinda girl. I agree with LAR, and my husband likes me just the way I am: only submissive when taken in hand and brought to that point by him, otherwise not at all submissive in any shape or form.

Wendy

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2004 Mar 27 - 02:25 | login or register to post comments

Being Submissive

I kind of agree with you Wendy. But I also understand what is being said about picking your battles in the previous comment. I am learning through trial and error how to react to certain issues with my voice and how I talk. Sometimes it's not my voice.. it can be just a LOOK I give and I can get into deep trouble with just THAT!

I have a very good friend who is dominant and I am trying to work myself around his dominance to see how he reacts to each thing I try. (He doesn't know this either - hehehehe) I have noticed that if I don't agree with something he has done or said, fighting with him (both of us are very stubborn also) doesn't seem to work. It just gets worse instead of better and he always has to have the last word, no matter how hard I try to have the last one. It's not a fun time for me nor for him. I have also tried seeing what he is really trying to say to me without jumping to conclusions and being quiet and seriously thinking things through before saying them, he is much more fair in a disagreement and calmer.

I have learned the fact that when he does ask or tells me to do something (that's reasonable) and I do not complain, or try to give a LOOK, and being somewhat *submissive* he is happier and smiles more. I honestly don't think the smile means.. "HA SHE IS MY SLAVE FOREVER!" smile.. it feels more like a calm, refreshing smile and we both seem to be on the same page at that moment in time. That feeling of being on the same wonderful page is rare in many people's relationships and so unfamiliar we tend to think that there must be something wrong. We don't feel it enough to say "Yes this is a good feeling, it's okay to let go of your shell just a little at a time and TRUST the other person for a moment. Then keep trying it more and more until the two finally can really trust each other and meld as ONE trusting unit.

I think for those few moments when I give of myself submit to this person and have those good feelings, it's worth it and if it were worth it's weight in gold then SO MANY people that agree to this kind of lifestyle, and living it, are incredibly, filthy, dirty RICH. And even then I don't think there is enough gold in the world that could compare to what so many have when they have that ultimate trust in each other. I'm not sure if this all made sense, but I hope you understand where I am coming from. :)

Caleigh

by Caleigh on 2004 Aug 31 - 00:46 | login or register to post comments

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