I don't see why this is an issue--nobody in their right mind's going to get in a vehicle with a driver that's drunk. Vowing to obey when you get married assumes the guy's not going to ask you to put your life at risk, or that when he's off his head you don't play the lemming. If he's got a problem with you disobeying in this type of situation, he needs help IMO.

Where I disagree with the previous poster is even if you're with a good guy and you trust him he's going to do something stupid sometime--we all do. Sh*t happens! Get over it. You can't expect a guy to be perfect--nobody is, right? You just have to do the best you can at the time and take each incident as it comes. If your relationship's in jeopardy because of one act of stupidity your relationship's going to be in jeopardy because there's no guy on the planet that's NEVER going to do something stupid.

The chances of something like this happening in my relationship are slim to nil, partly because I do most of the driving, and partly because neither my boyfriend nor I really drink, and when he does, he knows how hard it hits him. I can't imagine that he would ever insist on even riding a bicycle in this condition.

I do think, however, that something like this could destroy a relationship because it is a big issue. This isn't a disagreement about whether we let the cable bill or the credit card bill lapse this month. This is a situation that endangers yourself, your partner, and others. Yes, we all make stupid mistakes, and I'm not suggesting I'd end a relationship because my partner wanted to drive impaired. I am suggesting that when significant legal/moral issues are involved and you find yourselfs on totally opposite sides of the issue, perhaps there is a need to worry about compatibility (unless, of course, as I mentioned above, in a more sober state he realizes that he was irrational and you were right to keep him home). I personally don't think I know any man who would happily come back to a wife who called the police on him for any reason, even if she was just looking out for his own safety or the safety of others.

Then again, to me relationships are hard work. Any argument, stupid or not, is a potential relationship wrecker. It is by putting in the hard work and being accepting and forgiving that we make relationships work. If BOTH parties aren't willing to do that, I don't think it can work, but I'm a product of multiple divorces, so I acknowledge that I may be a little bit jaded.

If I'd wanted mindless obedience I'd have got a dog. I wanted a woman with a mind who would be obedient and follow my leadership, sure, but not to the point of imbecility or mindlessness. That's plain daft. I expect my wife to use her brain, not act as if she's had a lobotomy.

Principles are invaluable in all walks of life. They guide you in your decision-making. Here is one of those principles:

All authority has limits - even that of the President of the United States, the most powerful man in the world (re: President Nixon / Watergate).

"I was just following orders," is a common defense plea that has been heard in cases involving the military, the government, relationships, and even marriages.

When authority exceeds the bounds of civil or moral law, its power is negated. We are held accountable to OBEDIENTLY follow the higher authority.

W remains SUBMISSIVE and OBEDIENT - but to an authority higher than M.

Sam (of Sam & Missy)

I should have been more precise in my wording. What I meant was that a wife should not blindly obey her husband. You are quite correct in suggesting if her husband typically shows good judgement, but has a momentary lapse, it would be better for her to simply disobey. However, I was also thinking of a woman who might be involved in a Taken In Hand relationship with a man who does not possess the kind of maturity he needs if he is to lead his wife. If he has a habit of showing poor judgement, then I think it would be appropriate for her to reevaluate their Taken In Hand relationship and perhaps withdraw consent. I would also suggest that a man who has been using narcotics, has been drinking, and insists that his wife get in an automobile with him at the wheel is a very serious matter. IMO this rises to a level above the momentary lapses of judgement that everyone from time to time makes.

While I understand that there are many couples in which the preferred dynamic is for the male to make all the decisions, that is not the case in our household.I am an equal partner in this marriage. I usually choose what to cook for dinner, although I sometimes ask him what he'd prefer (hmmm...sounds kinda normal so far, huh?). Sometimes HE even cooks (he's a better cook than I am, thank you very much!) My husband asks my opinion of his dreams, plans, and ideas and inquires about my own. Sometimes he follows my advice (GASP!). I manage the money. Out of courtesy, he checks with me to make sure the funds are available before buying something. I pick out my own car, although he does make the final decision regarding whether it is safe, reliable, or overpriced. I ride my own motorcycle. Doesn't sound like doggie behavior to me! I go to bed when I am ready to do so, although I usually choose to go to bed with him because we both enjoy the cuddle time and pillow talk.

On the other hand, the Taken in Hand aspect of our relationship applies to those times when I do things that we agree are either harmful to myself, harmful to someone else, or harmful to our marriage/relationship. If I don't pay the electric bill and the power gets cut off because I spent the money on "frilly stuff"--guess who is getting a spanking? If I get a speeding ticket because I procrastinated about getting out of bed and was in a hurry to get to work, SOMEONE'S getting a sore rear--how sore depends on the cost of the ticket. He's a fair guy, though. He got into an accident and was ticketed recently. I jokingly asked him if that entitled me to a "Get out of one spanking free" card--he actually said YES (um...but it's only applicable for traffic fines). If we have a disagreement and I throw something in his direction, yep, you guessed it, my hiney will soon be a few shades redder than it was before--UM, for the record, I only did that once...won't do it again. Not a good idea.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is that I do not sit, stay, roll over, or speak when told to do so and neither do I fetch, carry, lie down, or shut up when ordered. I am an intelligent, college-educated, career-oriented woman with a mind of her own who is encouraged by her husband to use it. When I am Taken in Hand, it is either for my own good or for the overall good of our family. I even have input regarding whether/if I will be disciplined. We are, for the most part, a very normal married couple EXCEPT that we don't argue, fuss, and fight. We overlook and forgive the small stuff and I am disciplined for the big stuff. I am deeply loved and cherished by my husband, and I love him immensely.

It is so refreshing reading the viewpoints of the men on this subject and to all who posted you didn't disappoint.

Any man that would end a relationship over this situation is in my opinion an immature tyrant or a man looking for a reason to end his romance.