What women want

Women want a man who can face reality – be honest and truthful with them when it counts. Flattery is nice. Being told they are pretty is expected. But when things really matter, women want a man able to size up a situation and act appropriately. Unless they have an agenda, women loathe weakness and indecisiveness over time.

Women want a man who leads by example – a man who is not so much controlling as in control, who sets a pace for change. He is committed to the relationship and makes the sacrifices necessary for it to succeed - even in doing little things.

While no longer necessary in today's disposable society, decades ago, I pre-washed diapers in the toilet, washed and rinsed them clean, and hung them on an outdoor clothesline. One of the neighbors thought it funny – seeing a man hanging out diapers in the sun to dry – and wished me a happy Mother's Day. After all, that was women's work. Not surprisingly, my wife was more appreciative.

Women want a man with whom they can share a destiny – makes them feel secure – before someone else steals their dream. My wife says that she cannot imagine being married to anyone else but me. She says that, although I have held her accountable when she might have wished at the time, I have also helped her to become more than she might have otherwise become.

The life of a single, she has said, would have made her bitter. A man unable to handle her would have sent her into the arms of another. Each of the alternatives would have stolen something from her that she needed to make her life more complete.

While women may vary in how they express their expectations, absent some self-serving agenda, that which they desire in a man will incorporate the above elements.

Noone

Take the Taken In Hand tour

Have you seen the following articles?
The Virgin and the Gipsy, by D. H. Lawrence
BDSM rituals and rule-bound relationships
Is he who (or where) he says he is?
To be taken
The Taming of the Shrew
Is there consent?
The paradox of the strong and submissive woman
Taken in hand by tenderness
How it felt to be taken in hand for the very first time
Being taken in hand is hot!

2005 May 18 - 15:46 | login or register to post comments | latest article | previous article | next article |

A strong man who cares

Great post. It expresses my feelings too. I need a strong man who cares, not a guy that expects me to be a servant, a man that's in control but not controlling.

by Laura1 on 2005 May 18 - 16:40 | login or register to post comments

My wife wants

My wife wants love, security, unbreakable walls around her, understanding, passionate responsible leadership, space to be independent, but most of all she wants to be *Taken in Hand*.

Actually all of the before mentioned wants or desires are a dynamic of Taken In Hand, for my wife and me. She craves dominant authority and thrives on my dominance and that feeds her submissiveness, which in turn feeds my dominance, which creates a totally unbelieveable connection.

Connection is a want and desire that both my wife and I feel is our destiny, and the ultimate goal in our Taken In Hand relationship. The results of the connection are: very effective communication, understanding and a quality of life that is like no other for us.

My wife has a minimal number of expectations of me; the biggest is to be the leader of our household, and our family, and be the rock and foundation that she can hold on to. It is my feeling that this is not too much to expect as this was the way life was intended to be from the very beginning. Males leading their prospective relationship and having the final say in decision making.

Respectfully, Race

by Race on 2005 May 18 - 18:33 | login or register to post comments

An equal and a friend

Here's what I want in a man:

1. I want an equal partner on my team. He doesn't lead all the time. He doesn't follow all the time. He gives input and we come to decisions by consensus. May the best idea win.

2. I want a man who loves me and can say so in so many words. He doesn't have to flatter me and tell me I am pretty. Pretty is a fleeting commodity...instead let him praise my mind.

3. I want a man who is there for me when he's needed but doesn't intrude on my choices or impose his will by force. I am mistress of my fate as he is master of his.

4. I want a man with a sense of humor who can laugh at the world's follies, and at our own mistakes, without anyone being mocked. I'll take humor over stern "taken in hand" behavior, thanks very much.

5. I want a man with a sense of reality that informs him that he is not the master of creation nor of the woman he married, but a partner with equal rights and responsibilities.

And yes, I married him.

"Pat"

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2005 May 18 - 19:16 | login or register to post comments

what I want

I want a man I can feel totally safe with. Someone who will love and protect me. I know I should be able to protect myself, and I do okay, but I want a man who loves me enough to shield me from the world. I want a man who will put my needs above his needs knowing that I will do the same for him. I want a man to hold me in his arms every night and treat me as though I am the most precious thing in his life. I want a man I can love and respect and treat like a king because I want to, not because he demands it.

I think I've found him...we're not quite there yet, but we're working on it. Sometimes I am more servant than queen, and sometimes he is more whipping boy than king, but I know we'll get there. We love each other too much not too.

by cj on 2005 May 19 - 01:29 | login or register to post comments

Okay I Have to Ask

The way the title is worded it makes it seem as if the main article is written by a woman. Instead it is written by a man. Or is there something Noone's not telling us?

"Pat"

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2005 May 19 - 02:22 | login or register to post comments

Ah!

Noone,

This is the best article you have ever written.

You BET she appreciated your help with the diapers! Add leadership and guidance to that and the mix is irresistable.

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2005 May 22 - 04:46 | login or register to post comments

What do I want?

I asked this question aloud while I was pondering the title to this article. My husband, who was passing by at the time, had no doubts:

"What you want" he said decisively "is a bloody good hiding"

I can't think of anything to add to that.

by Louise C on 2005 May 23 - 10:49 | login or register to post comments

Sacrifice

Very perceptive post.

Yes to everything but particularly the idea of sacrifice.
I want my partner to do the little things for me that mean so much,and which I do for him without even thinking.It may mean a sacrifice of time or effort or energy or a bit of money but it's all an investment in the relationship.

Having just read a book today which describes how women women "fill in the blanks" in a relationship (and finding myself uncomfortably agreeing) this post is particularly poignant.

Milly

by Milly on 2005 May 23 - 21:28 | login or register to post comments

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