A very nice commentary.

Whilst you say that you will not call any man "master", there are many meanings in that one simple word - I call my partner "My Lady and Mistress" and she (upon occasion!) calls me her "Master", as in "Lord and Master" - the tone is very respectful, and it is not a "servant and master" relationship in any way, more a sort of respectful husband/wife relationship.

If I tried to order her around, it would just get her back up, and she would mule-like dig in just to prove that she does not follow my orders! Instead, if I want her to do something, I have found that I have to explain the reasons, listen to the arguments on both sides, and then make a decision (as HOR) as to what we will both do. Many times, this results in a compromise, which can be a good thing. The important element is that though the decision is mine as to what we might do, I have to take input from J before making a decision. That inclusion of J in the decision making process allows her to know that I value her input and beliefs, but she accepts that the decision remains mine. This is by no means a recipe for harmony in all places, and may not be suitable for all couples, but I find it works for me.

The key element (as ever!) is that both parties have to feel valued and consenting to the relationship. Ordering J around without reason devalues the consent that she has given me. However, that does not mean that I have not upon occasion had to do this - there are times when I have made a decision that J did not like, but I enforced, simply because I truly believed that it was important. However, this remains the exception rather than the rule.

Stay well all

Random

I personally love to serve my husband. It gives me great pleasure to see him happy and to pamper him, it's a way of showing my love and devotion and when he orders me to serve him it makes me feel warm and loved because he only does that because of our relationship, he wouldn't do it in a controling way.

My husband likes me to call him "Master" as a sign of respect and to remind me of our special relationship. To me this is romantic not oppressive.

A different perspective.........

Cara

Well said. I can say that to constantly order a partner does not appeal to me. For me, how boring if I control and decide everything. A martinet is likely to be resented rather than receive devotion. I much prefer the give and take between equals. A leadership role is what I desire. I can't claim to have found what I desire, but I've learned from being a leader in other aspects of my life. A true leader does not bark orders but rather creates an environment for their subordinates to excel as they serve. This environment comes from equitable distribution of duties based on ability, copious acknowledgment and appreciation of effort, tender care when need, and firm rebuke when required. A subordinate is not a servant or slave but rather an equal who agrees to be led, to be held to a standard so that something greater can be created.

You will not find this type of leader in a film. He is not dynamic or contentious. This leader almost seems non-existent unless you are a part of the relationship. He is defined as much by what he doesn't do as by what he does. He does not demand your submission, he creates a place you to give it. He will punish or reward depending on your needs but always for your improvement. His leadership is a palpable presence but unseen.

Thank you for this article and website. I now know that there are others with similar desires as mine.

I'm not into the slave/Master thing either. My boyfriend treats me more as a princess than a servant. I'm so lucky.

MJ

Help! I've been transported back to 1955.

Partner, yes! Submissive, never!

I have to agree with those who posted that there is total freedom gained with submission.......... My boyfriend never requires that I call him Master since my name for him is that of "Papi" a term used by hispanic women for their love and master! :) even if he did not request it of me, I'd still call him that as my OWN act of submission. Although I am submissive, he never mistreats me, embarrases me, misuses me or treats me as a doormat. I have more freedom than a lot of other women (in ANY type of relatinship), the key here is within REASON. There are things I can't do for my own wellbeing but aside from that I come and go as I please, as long as he knows where I am.......... something most of us do with our husbands/boyfriend anyhow. Although this might get a few of your panties in a bunch my boyfriend treats me "as his plaything (which I LOVE) but also HIS MOST PRIZED AND IMPORTANT possession"! Try to see the good in that statement because I am the one that came up with it. I have given myself to him, totally and in EVERY way, he is my protector, my lover and my friend.......... as all 3 things he would never wish to harm me but rather make sure I am safe, happy, cared for, and LOVED. So please to those of you who think being submissive is a bad thing, look at it a little closer............ this is NOT the BDSM scene.............. here "slavery" is a good thing >:) at least for me it is

Erika

Well yes, women are physically smaller and weaker than men, that's a self-evident fact. I don't know though that women need to be cared for, I mean it's very nice to be cared for, but I think most of the women on this site could probably look after themselves if they had to.

I am not by any means a dominant, dynamic superwoman type like a lot of the women on this site are, but I think even I, if I had to, could cope on my own if my husband were to suddenly take off with a woman beach volleyball player or someone. I mean, I'd have to. Weak or not, women have always had to look after themselves, and other people too, and always will.

Dear Rose,

Thank you for the lovely and very gracious comment. I must admit that I keep wanting to take this article of mine down, because I do not like its tone. I totally agree with your second paragraph, and I think that it is unfortunate that I mixed up several different things in the article and ended up sounding rather strident and defensive.

The article was a reaction against a certain kind of man – perhaps you can see the type through what I wrote. I was mixing up the issue of an unpleasant man, service, and the issue of whether or not one is aroused by the idea of service. If you read between the lines you may notice that I do not have the service kink. ;-) I enjoy pleasing my loved ones but this is not at all a sexual thing for me. My fantasies are not about service, they are about control. I fear that some might think that I was saying that anyone who does get excited about being a servant or slave is a fool or something. I do not think that at all. I realise that different individuals really do have different preferences. Also, whilst I was talking about real life, it occurs to me that it might be thought that I would never want to play a slave for fun on occasion, say, whereas I might well enjoy such play. I do not think that I was very clear about these things in the article, which is why I keep wanting to take it down.

If you would like me to add your online journal to the links page here, let me know.

It's interesting to see all the different responses to this post and the wide variety of reactions. There was a time I said I'd never submit to a man, let alone call him master, but...yeah. heh. I guess it was a matter of finding someone who wasn't going to take any of it for granted. Yeah, he orders me around, and punishes me when I don't obey, but it's not like every second of every day is filled with orders, to me the "ordering" isn't unpleasant, but a part of the bond we share. But I think it just really depends on the person.

I love the phrase: "service kink" that's kind of funny. And I agree on the whole "lowercasing names" thing. I don't do that. I can respect those who do it because it's something they WANT to do, (just like some people like to have special jewelry or symbols of their relationship), but I don't think anyone should HAVE to do the lowercasing/uppercasing thing. Letters seem like such a petty thing to worry about in the grand scheme.

I find it interesting that most people who do seem to have such distaste for the master/slave thing because they perceive in it a coldness, but there is very much warmth and playfulness in my relationship. There is an incredible intimacy in the full and complete exchange of power, and a freedom, and a safety.

Yes, there are abusive people out there, and yes there are very extreme practices in some relationships (like cages and such) But for some the extremeness doesn't make them unhappy. It's just a huge scale/continuum.

While I sometimes think I would want to spend my online time somewhere where everybody did things in the same way that I do, I think the huge wide spectrum is very healthy to see and interact with, because when everybody is so different you feel more like you belong, than like you don't.