I've beem reading Louise's comments here and following a bit tiff here at home, I can asure all your readers that she will indeed be 'Taken in Hand'......Her Husband!

Ever since we first started our Taken In Hand relationship, I've had love-hate feelings about it.

Are there couples out there who intuitively built these types of bonds before they were married, before they were seriously intimate, and then built a long term, loving partnership on that basis? I know there are. I know who some of you are and you have made me turn ten shades of green with envy.

Even though I know of these couples who understood the value of this from day one, we struggled with our power structure from the day we decided we needed to do things differently. I discovered DD-related sites on the internet about five years ago. Was I ignorant! I didn’t know what DD was, what vanilla meant, and HoH might have been a Korean electronics company.

We were really making it up as we went along. Then we found a few like-minded souls, learned some labels, and the process became a lot smoother.

Well it didn’t and it didn’t.

I’d visit a site and read of some people’s practices and my eyes would be out on stalks. I’d laugh nervously (or perhaps mockingly) at things other people did that were just too preposterous to consider.

Louise’s reactions to a lot of what she read here reminded me of myself many years ago, only I wasn’t quite so open about it. I didn’t challenge people. I went off and thought ‘what a bunch of weirdos.’ Then I’d think more and more about what they were doing and even though it might not be what would work for us 100%, we’d talk about the new ideas and often as not, get something from them.

After a while I stopped visiting most of the sites I knew. A lot of them became kiss-and-tell type places. There was lots of repetition. There was a fair amount of misogynism from men who had not committed to established, long-term relationships (could there possibly be a cause and effect in that?).

After a two years++ hiatus I found Taken In Hand. I love the scope of the discussions here and generally people are kind, helpful, and supportive.

Why do I need a Taken In Hand place to visit? Because this lifestyle and the promises we have made under it are not readily supported elsewhere. Because sometimes I think we really are odd to want and need this dynamic. Then I read comments by articulate people who share them with humour and good will and it makes me think my role as a Stepford wife is the way things are meant to be.

Stepford Wife? Actually the concept of a Time Share Shrew fits me a whole lot better. I’ve asked MB how long he thinks it will take me to become truly submissive and obedient. He reckons helping me get there is his lifetime project, but it may take longer than that.

Besides if I were as passive as a whipped dog, the man would probably lose all interest in me. He came after me for my fire and independence. It would not do to lose the spirit that he finds so attractive. That in itself is a contradiction we live with in this new and much loved phase of our marriage.

The love-hate feelings persist. I love the harmony and peace we have through a Taken In Hand power structure. I hate having to obey when it is contrary to things I’d rather be doing. I love reading other people’s experience. I hate the notion that maybe we need to change some of the things we are doing for an even better result.

Weighing it all up, I love it far more than I hate it. MB seems sexier and more fun than he ever was before. And the difficulties inherent it make the joys of it all the sweeter.

Maddy

I really enjoyed reading all your comments, it's nice to know that some 'real' Taken in Hand women feel sort of the way I do. The film "Forsaking All Others" with Clark Gable and Joan Crawford (if you haven't seen this movie it's terrific, and very funny) is the only 'S' rated film I've ever seen where there is a strong hint that what happened once could happen again, and even at the end of the film a strong suggestion that the heroine might actually like the idea. It took me years to figure out that being spanked "against my will" as it were wasn't really what I wanted at all, and that having to submit was actually much sexier and more exciting. Also that just being spanked for no particular reason wasn't nearly as thrilling and as satisfying as being really punished for doing something wrong.

Very nice of you to apologise. I am indeed on a journey of discovery, and I've discovered a lot in the last couple of days. I feel shattered. Better though. And it's all that bloody KrosRogue's doing. That man is scary. My husband has discovered some things too. i can't honestly see him wanting to spend much time on this site though, I mean there's not much on here about Frank Whittle or Isambard Kingdom Brunel or the Titanic or anything. My husband's interests are mainly practical, he excels at all manual skills (including the one beloved of many Taken In Hand members) but he doesn't go in much for talking about relationships etc. It's not his cup of tea. Give him a lathe and he's happy though.

A recent row my husband and I had was a sort of catalyst for me. I realised that we'd been rowing about the same thing for twenty-two years, and that enough was enough. I'd indulged in a bit of whining on this website about how unhappy it made me when he got angry and yelled at me, and it occured to me that it might be a good idea if I tried NOT doing the things that drove him to yell at me.

Having discovered this extraordinary website, and read with astonishment of the lives led by the people on it, who seemed to be happy, I thought why not give it a go. Just give in. Try and change the things about myself that annoy him, try and do things his way, try not arguing and doing what he told me. So far, it seems to be working out okay, "the new era of detente" as my husband put it. He seems to be happier, and I feel happier and more relaxed.

I think i was just worn out by twenty-two years of fighting about the same thing. It wasn't money in our case, I mean I am pretty extravagent but he doesn't mind that much, it was never something we rowed about. To find myself living in reality what I've always fantasised about is a bit weird, but it feels quite nice.

I just wish to say THANK YOU SO MUCH. I've been feeling confused about how I feel and was watching and reading about the D/S lifestyle. I realized after talking with a Dom that I am submissive but not to the point of where I like severe pain. I do love to pamper the man that I am with. The only problem I have now is that I have met very few men who realize that they can be dominant without having all of the BDSM involvement. At least now I have a site where I can go to and read postings of people who feel the same way that I do. I hope that you soon will start a chat room for us who need to be Taken In Hand. Thank you again for this site a place where I can come to and be me.

The idea of actually trying to be submissive SERIOUSLY, not just as some kind of sexual game, is so new to me that it feels really weird. I find that I actually like it though: doing things the way I know my husband wants them done does give me satisfaction, and I know it makes him happier too. I don't think he would ever be as serious about it as some of the men I read about on this website though.

For instance when I asked him if he wanted to take control of our finances he looked quite appalled. And as for getting me in touch with my inner self etc, no I don't really see him considering things like that very much. I mean, it's not the kind of thing he thinks about really, mostly he thinks about hovercraft and jet engines and the Mary Rose and stuff like that.

I certainly don't feel as if I'm disappearing on anything like that, but then again I probably am never going to be as totally deeply submissive as some of the women I read about here. But then I don't really resemble any of the other women on this site very much. I mean, I don't have a career, or a black belt in Judo or Karate or Origami or anything, I'm not a firefighter, I don't even drive a car (which, given my husband's views on women drivers, is just as well).

Most of the other women here seem to be like Honor Blackman, Diana Rigg, and Joanna Lumley all rolled into one. My Inner Shrew is still kicking around in there and surfaces from time to time, I am currently anticipating a discussion with my husband in the workshop after some backchat I gave him earlier today. I doubt if I will ever be TOTALLY submissive, but then I don't think he'd care for it if I was, he'd prbably find me rather boring.

I don't have a career, or a black belt in Judo or Karate or Origami or anything, I'm not a firefighter, I don't even drive a car

I sure didn't mean to sound like I was some sort of Mrs. Peel (as much as I might wish I were!).

I took up martial arts when I was single and meeting a few real creeps (and worse) in my romantic life. I had learned from bad experience how unprepared I was for any sort of physical confrontation. Karate helped me develop confidence on many different levels.

I joined the local volunteer fire fighters because our house is in a very vulnerable area - the 'flame zone' in a neighbourhood designated fire prone due to its proximity to tens of thousands of acres of national park. MB set up and now heads the volunteer unit in our area. So my participation is partly about looking after us and partly about supporting him. Very pragmatic.

I don't like driving but I have a car and driver's licence. Our house is too far away from public transport to be without one.

I have a job, not a career, these days. I work part time but because of the skills I honed in a large corporate environment I am fairly well paid for the hours I put in. I work from home so I do 90% of the domestic chores being as I don't have the commitments or the commute time that MB does.

And I'll never be totally submissive. That just won't happen. I like teasing the man too much and he doesn't hate it either.

Maddy

In two good marriages I developed a plan that worked well. Soon after the honeymoon tend to come diasgreements -- what to do? If both parties consent, try punishment by a real old-fashioned spanking. This procedure is far better than hours of silent treatment and long nasty arguments. Be it the husband or the wife, this is far better than what we previously endured. Sure it hurts but it is over in minutes and the air is cleared.

It has been wonderfully helpful to me in thinking about my relationship and feeling more positive about it. I am definitely a part time submissive, in that for about 10 days before my period I am emotionally not into submission at all and am argumentative and constantly in trouble, while resenting any exchange which reminds me of my husband's authority. Reading these comments has made me realise that it is not unusual, and while other women might have different reasons for it, we can't be 100% submissive all the time.

More than that, I have realised that this does not have to be completely negative. I really try hard now not to be 'nasty' but just to make things more interesting by not submitting willingly. DH understands about my PMT now, and he has to try hard to keep me happy, while being firm about things that matter to him.

It has been fascinating to me to read this site and realise that as a woman, you can be 'too submissive' for your man. I always wondered why my husband hates it when I'm 'pathetic' about things like absolutely refusing to deal with the bank, bills etc. He chose me as an independent, sassy, outgoing woman and probably didn't want that to change completely. I've always tried for 100% obedience and submission, but have decided to give up that goal!

I LOVE being submissive but also love the other side of me, which is the most argumentative person in the staff meeting.:)) Ask anyone where I work if I'm submissive and they'll chorus NO WAY. As someone else said, it is TO HIM only. We don't talk about the dynamics of our relationship - it just IS. But I think this website is helpful for me as I don't talk about it anywhere else.

So THANKS to you all :))

Amani

Hi Catriona,

I want to share a little about our relationship. We have been married for many years. Through it all I have been the controlling person, I am a very opinionated woman and very strong willed .I Am not a doormat!! After finding this site something just spoke to me.
So I shared this with my husband and I told him that I want to change.

I will always have my individual personality because that is a part of who I am. This site does not not talk about a woman giving up herself as to who she is or what she believe in it is not about that. I have found that it enhances who I am and is helping me to become the Best person I can be.

My husband is a wonderful , sensitive and loving man. Just this morning I watched him as he walked to the car to go to work (I am on vacation). I feel so loved it is incredible! I love him more than life itself.

We walk every morning and as we were walking back something came up in our conversation and I made some stupid comment.
Anyway my husband looked at me and said "Ya know I think you need
an attitiude check". The morning was too rushed so he informed me that we have a meeting tonight. SO... Anyway I want you to know that since he has taken control of certain ways with me that our relationship is flourishing, I feel taken care of and not exposed to the elements to the outside world! I don't have to solve all of the worlds problems myself.

I find that being submissive is actually a loving attribute. It tells my husband that I respect his authority and his opinion of how things should go. Will I submit to a spanking? Yes, not that it feels very good because it does not! A serious spanking hurts! Yes, because I know that he is right in his observations of my behavior and I trust him.When he spanks me he DOESN'T break my spirit! It does hurt but he DOES NOT hurt me.

Again, it is not about controlling a woman until she has no mind of her own. I am in a leadership position in my job I have certain qualifications that placed me there and I will not lose any of that.
I will not lose my ability to write or speak publically , I will not lose my personal spiritual beliefs, I have lost nothing! I have gained everything!

I have gained an incredibly loving husband that stands firm with me when I need to be brought back in line, and he does just that! Before Taken In Hand our relationship was good we have always been deeply in love. However my strong will has gotten in the way too many times in situations throughout the years. So now it doesn't! My husband HAS NOT BROKEN my will, he NEVER has broken me nor crushed my spirit. He just will not allow me to have an ATTITUDE when it is inappropriate. That is where Taken In Hand comes in and he has taken to that like a duck takes to water!
I feel truly Blessed in our marriage.

I know my comments aren't everybody's cup of tea, so I'm very glad that you like them.

Our Taken In Hand relationship seems to be working out okay, though I don't think we take it all quite as seriously as a lot of people on this site, but it seems to suit us anyway. I hope you and your husband get everything sorted out all right.