Taking it step-by-step making piecemeal changes

I'm just starting in this new kind of relationship. My husband knows about my ideas and he's very happy about them.

And this is the way it has worked for us so far:

First I promised him to get rid of some bad habits he had sometimes really suffered from. For example: He going to bed (at about midnight) and asking me if I'd join and telling me that he'd be happy if I would. My answer: Yes, of course, dear. I'll be there in a minute. Just finishing this mail/ this magazine / this article / this chapter / this cup of tea (or whatever).

Well, I'm quite ashamed to admit that I didn't come in a minute - most times I didn't come in an hour. No, I wrote and wrote and read and read and simply forgot about the time passing ... My husband often complained and told me that he always hoped that I'd stick to my answer and always was deeply disappointed when I didn't. (And that was nearly every time he asked.) And I always told him that, of course, my behaviour wasn't meant to hurt him, that it was just a bad habit.

Finally I recognized his frustration about my unreliable behaviour and I decided to change things. So this was the main thing I promised to him in a letter. I also wrote that maybe I needed his help every now and then and that he could remind me of my promise and even demand that I should keep it.

Well, he didn't quite believe me at first. He thought I had written my letter in a strange mood and that I would never stick to my promises and resolutions. And besides, he wasn't sure if he liked the role of a “reminder” and of a man, who demands something of his wife. I was a bit disappointed of his disapproval, but I tried my best to show him how serious my resolution was during the next days. This convinced him (and me, too!) quickly that we were on a good path for a deeper relationship and that I really appreciated his help when coming to my home office telling me (with a nice smile, but still serious): “Darling, time to switch off the computer now.” (And by the way he has not needed to utter this request more than two or three times during the past 10 weeks.)

Then I dared telling him about my spanking fantasies which I've had for many years. I was afraid he would think I was crazy, mad, perverse... and maybe that he would reject me. But when I'd been courageous enough to talk about my desires and my fears, he just confirmed that he loved me so much! This made me feel very happy, although he also explained that the idea of spanking was absolutely unfamiliar to him, that thinking of it didn't arouse him at all and that he didn't know whether he was able to do it. But at least he wanted to try! And I felt so released, as we had some good, honest and deep conversations on this topic.

He tried spanking very cautiously at first, but nowadays he also likes it and it belongs quite naturally in our sexual life. We both noticed that spanking really does a lot to turn me on and so we both enjoy it.

Next step was to confess to him that I'd like to submit sexually to him. He was very, very surprised (knowing me as an ardent feminist who was convinced that doing something for a man could harm her independence and maybe even her personality! Yes, I really had these strange convictions and feelings!). So in the beginning he couldn't quite believe what I had said, but the idea surely wasn't unpleasant to him. ;-) It didn't take long until he enjoyed this new ingredient in our relationship wholeheartedly.

Nearly every morning he asks: “Is this a dream or is it true?” He's so happy and so am I. In former times I always thought being sexually available for him would be very, very unpleasant or even disgusting for me and not worth trying. But not at all: promising him that he can take me sexually whenever he feels like it, even in the morning hours when I'm usually very sleepy, arouses and excites me so much that I feel like it almost always he shows his desire. And if my lust is not there from the very beginning, because I'm simply too sleepy first, then it grows fast by doing...

And then I stumbled across the Taken in Hand website, got excited by reading the articles and recognized that I really approved of submitting in daily life, too. Unfortunately I didn't manage to explain this idea to my husband in a way he could understand it right away. This led to a severe misunderstanding and even to a quarrel. But we talked once more the next day and I tried to clarify things (which wasn't easy).

He told me that he had always seen me as a very dominant person, so he couldn't quite imagine what my ideas were about. It took some days and some talks, until he realized that I was also serious about my desire to submit to him in daily life (not only in sexual matters) and until he was fond of being head of the household. I had been afraid that he would dislike being head of the household as he is in charge of a team and responsible for many important decisions in his job. So I assumed he wouldn't like to make the decisions at home... But no – he just had to get accustomed to this new path.

Maybe I should add that, of course, I did not only make promises and did not only talk to him – but I've always tried to live up to my new convictions and resolutions. I still do, of course. And we still talk... there are still many, many questions for both of us, such as: How far do we want to go? Will there also be discipline? Which decisions in daily life will I make by myself and which will be made by my husband? In which cases do I need a permission from his side? In which cases is being asked for permission just unpleasant for him?

But we decided to try a Taken In Hand relationship and we both enjoy our first steps. Our youngest son (16 yrs old) just told us: “You've been married for 20 years now, but you know, you behave as if you've just fallen in love for each other!”

My husband takes so much care in order to see me happy (for instance with his final decisions to spend the weekend) and I take care that he's happy.

I'm not quite sure why we didn't have this kind of care for each other's wellbeing when we lived an “equal” relationship. But it's our experience now that Taken In Hand just feels right for us.

Jennifer

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Have you seen the following articles?
Who says you have to be submissive?
Help! The one I love nowadays rarely wants sex!
Taken In Hand relationships are hot and close
Each relationship is a unique work in progress
Embracing my inner adult
My deep dark secret
Some possible benefits of taking your wife in hand
Brought to submission
Who needs forbidden fruit when you've got this?!
He who dares, wins

2005 Mar 21 - 15:07 | login or register to post comments | latest article | previous article | next article |

what are things like now in y

what are things like now in yor life?

shell

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2005 Jun 17 - 02:24 | login or register to post comments

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