The dual failures of men

Men are given to two curious – and seemingly contradictory – failures in dealing with women. On the one hand, they exhibit impatience, frequently characterized by expecting too much too soon. Then, given his impatience on the one hand, a man often exhibits a remarkable reluctance to spank the woman who tries his patience on the other.

That men are impatient is well known. From sex to shopping trips, women are often heard to complain about how little patience men exhibit.

What baffles a woman is the tolerance with which an otherwise often impatient man endures her womanly wiles. It is a curious behavior that women find to be at least as baffling – if not altogether as maddening – as the better-known penchant of males to be impatient.

The failure of a man to spank a provocative woman in a timely manner is but the reverse side of men's impatience in that men also often give too little too late. In this regard, there is a recurring theme in which a man – almost as living out his own Greek tragedy – discovers the secret too late.

In one case, a writer whose wife was packing to leave him finally gave her the spanking he thought she had always deserved. Likewise, a famous Hollywood actor is said to have, at last, spanked his temperamental wife in the office of the lawyer handling their divorce!

In both instances briefly described above, that which the man did was – while neither episode brought further recriminations from the wife – insufficient to save his marriage. While, perhaps, not too little, the man's valiant efforts came too late.

Conversely, men have been known to spank early in the relationship without doing so with convincing vigor. The wife whose husband is not really getting through to her is not likely to plainly tell him, “Look, Honey, your limp wrist isn't getting it; what I really need is a good thrashing that'll remind me who's boss when I sit down tomorrow!” There are simply some things that a woman expects a man to figure out for himself – sometimes, in spite of her objections!

The failure of men in these two important areas may be traced to the same cause – a failure to pay attention. Women often drop subtle – and, sometimes, not so subtle – hints regarding their needs. The wise man learns to pay attention to these. The foolish man ignores them at great risk to the relationship.

Although rarely explicit, a woman will frequently give implicit permission to a man to do whatever is necessary to keep the relationship together. She then expects him to act on her permission just as surely as if she put the implement in his hands and presented herself to be disciplined or punished at his pleasure. If the man fails to act in a timely fashion, whatever love the woman has for him will, in time, crumble into a loathing for which there is no human cure.

If she has not been abused, a woman wants to be handled. She craves the attention and protection of a man. To this end, she will pick a man whom she believes able to protect her from all else – including herself – and will remain loyal to her.

The man able to remain loyal, while dealing decisively with the woman's wiles, is the man of her dreams. Knowing such a man to be a rare catch in a fickle world, she will prize him above all else. It is strange that men have lost the capacity to understand what women have known all along.

Noone

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2003 Oct 16 - 08:14 | login or register to post comments | latest article | previous article | next article |

Excellent piece!! I would ...

Excellent piece!!

I would like to add that not just women who have never been abused want to be "handled". I have known what it is like to discover the first real safety of my life in the hands of a man who knew what he was doing. He handled me well and thoroughly and taught me it truly was safe to be a woman.

Thank you for such a wonderful article --

Kathy

by Kathy6963 on 2003 Oct 17 - 16:33 | login or register to post comments

In praise of men

I feel I need to stand up for Mankind here. Is it the dual failures of men or is it the dual failures of humanity? Why must it always be the men's fault? Do we women have no responsibility ourselves?

by Jenny on 2003 Oct 19 - 19:29 | login or register to post comments

TheYeti

It's our job. It's what we are created to do.

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2003 Oct 29 - 17:37 | login or register to post comments

It's about time!

Thank you, Jenny, for saying something I've been wanting to say for a long time. My relationship went sour because my woman decided that things were always my fault. There's no way to live with someone who's decided they are perfection and you are scum.

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2003 Nov 18 - 09:29 | login or register to post comments

Don't push it

I must once again take issue with this. If the woman wants you to take control this way, that's one thing, but if she doesn't, it would be abuse to do so. Be careful, guys, don't just assume all women want to be taken in hand. Some do, others don't. Some want a little taking in hand, others more, some not at all. Take care to ensure you're right that this is what she wants.

by prettygirl42 on 2003 Nov 22 - 18:06 | login or register to post comments

Making men guess what we want

Prettygirl notes that a man must be sure he knows what the woman really wants. I just want to add to that: I think it's unfair of women to make men guess at our desires in this legally delicate matter. The consequences for them if they guess wrong could be devastating. It would be great if they could guess what we want, and guess correctly every time, but of course they can't!

by Melanie on 2003 Nov 29 - 02:46 | login or register to post comments

A double Whamy

Hear hear, Melanie. Oh how wonderful it would be if I could instinctively know what she wants, but how unrealistic and, indeed, how unfair of her. But the most problematic part of Noone's article could be summed up in the latter part of her phrase: "There are simply some things that a woman expects a man to figure out for himself – sometimes, in spite of her objections!" The author seems to me to have infantilised a woman into nothing more than a brat, and stands completely at odds with, amongst others, Max Maximovich's brilliantly insightful "The paradox of the strong and submissive woman." Any woman who can be described as "provocative" lacks not the strong hand of a man but in maturity.

Vladimir

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2004 Jan 15 - 21:38 | login or register to post comments

You are So Right

You are right on target, Vladimir. If a woman wants discipline it's up to her to say so and stick by that. Otherwise the man can get in a heap of trouble. Plus men are not mindreaders and should not be expected to be psychic. Not only that but the idea that women just naturally need spanking because of our "wiles" is pretty problematic too.

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2004 Feb 7 - 04:16 | login or register to post comments

Trust

Actually I find all of the comments interesting to read. Everyone has an opinion worth reading and that is why I enjoy this site so much.

I can understand telling my husband that I feel I need to be disciplined at times and I have done just that. However there are times when he sees that I need discipline without me asking for it and he proceeds on his own to do so. Now he knows that I have given him blanket consent and I unconditionally trust him. When he has disciplined me at times when I have not asked for it he has always been right on.

I trust him. There has to be a certain amount of trust for a couple if they are going to proceed with a Taken In Hand relatonship. It is not for everybody. For us it has had its ups and downs and it has been a real learning experience. Overall it has enhanced our relatonship and I just can't say enough about the trust issue. It is essential!

by Kat on 2004 Oct 18 - 23:13 | login or register to post comments

This is Silly

This is Silly BS. If a person, (female
or otherwise) wants to get spanked
they should ask for it directly. Anyone
who intuits that the other person wants
to be punished absent a clear indication
is courting disaster and a day in court.
This notion of coy women acting badly to
push their men into spanking them is antiquated
and not in a nostalgic way.

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2006 Aug 3 - 05:22 | login or register to post comments

It's women's fault, not men's

Women demand and get equal rights = ability to earn own money = less need for marriage
Divorce rate skyrockets
Young men grow up without father
Young men don't know how to act like men
Feminists brainwash young men into being more "sensitive", ie less manly

see how that works?

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2006 Nov 3 - 23:52 | login or register to post comments

Marriage and money

The divorce rate has skyrocketed because divorce is easily obtainable now. This is the case in any society where you can get divorce easily, regardless of the position of women. some of the countries with the world's highest divorce rates are very 'traditional' Muslim societies where women are very much second-class citizens. According to statistics I found on divorce on the Internet, the country with the highest divorce rate in the world is the Maldives, which has a very traditional Muslim culture.

Earning money is something women have always had to do for economic survival, whether they are married or not. That nowadays more women can get a good education and have a crack at more interesting and demanding careers is, I think, a good thing, but the majority of women who work are not in high-powered careers, just in jobs that they are doing in order to put food on the table, pay the bills etc. Anyway, if the only reason women were getting married in the past was because they were economically dependent on men, that doesn't say much for the appeal of marriage, does it? I very much doubt that female economic independence is the main reason for the ending of marriages. Not every marriage ends because the woman walks out on the man, and even if she does it may not be money that causes the walk-out.

As for young men being brainwashed by feminists into being more sensitive, I don't know how true that is. I think it may be a matter of temperement. My oldst son grew up in a house with a very bossy, assertive father, but he is not bossy or assertive, he does not seem to have copied the role model offered by my husband. On the other hand, I don't know that he is particularly sensitive either. He doesn't seem to have an automatic assumption that he should be the boss in a relationship, and I think that is a good thing, because I don't think it's something that anyone, man or woman, should just take for granted.

Louise

by Louise C on 2006 Nov 5 - 05:15 | login or register to post comments

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