Oh, this piece is VERY funny and so true, I've had all those conflicting opinions thrown at me in the past too (though not the one about the burqua). I never wear makeup because I am naturally lovely without it, but my mother wore it religiously all the time, she was plastering it on almost up until the day of her death ("why do you always have to wear that claggy muck") my father grumbled at her. The argument that women should dress for themselves and not for a man is of course a very nice one but most of us do wish to please the men in our life. I, for instance wear the kind of underwear that I would not normally choose for myself simply because my husband likes it. There are some areas though where I can't really bring myself to accede. For instance, he still from time to time expresses a wistful desire that I would wear mini skirts like I did when we were first married. He frequently recalls our honeymoon in Paris, and the leather patchwork skirt I wore that turned heads in the Hall of Mirrors in Versaille. I try to explain to him gently that I am 22 years older and two dress sizes larger than I was then and that minis are simply not appropriate at my advanced age, but, bless him, he doesn't see it. Happily for me he's never expressed any interest in high-heeled shoes, as I'm quite sure I could never keep my balance in them. And he's definitely with KrosRogue on the hair thing, long hair drives him wild, I'd never dare cut mine shorter than shoulder length.

I read this article with quite a bit of interest. I too have been told many of those things (though not some of the more extreme, army clothes and burquas? Ah, definitely not!) However, I have found that it's the way I feel about myself that most influences how I look. When I am confident I tend to dress with flair. And there are days when I wear nothing but a ratty old tshirt and jeans and my husband is all over me because I'm feelin' flirty and happy. But there have been times in the past when the low self-esteem gremlin has got me in its clutches when I can wear the sexiest dress I've got and still look bad because I feel bad inside.

As an aside, isn't it funny that most dominant men prefer long hair? My hubby does too. I agree because I like to be able to throw it up in a high ponytail to get it off my neck. :-)

It must be so confusing. Fortunately I expect most of us guys have a pretty clear idea of how we like our women to look - I know I do.

I'm single now, but in a relationship I insist on skirts or dresses all the time - my partner needs a bloody good reason to wear trousers - and that she wears tights (pantyhose, that is, for non-British members) or stockings, except in those rare times when it's too hot for them here in England. Those are the two most absolute "rules", but I'm interested in every other aspect of her appearance, and let her know what I like and what I don't. Like a lot of the blokes here I'm a sucker for those sensible flat or low-heeled shoes (I sense a conservative theme here among us Taking in Hand men...) but I'm pretty open-minded about hair. I think it's important not to control her absolutely, either: I think she needs a little room to be creative and to use her initiative and imagination to please herself and me.

I think what I'm aiming at emotionally is for my partner to feel totally secure and confident in her look; in the fact that's she's seriously attractive, to me at least, and a beautiful woman. For me, it's about knowing I can always take delight and pleasure in her appearance. Shopping together is great fun, too.

I think time is better spent discussing how we like our men to be dressed. Men have a simply terrible of habit of neglecting personal style--well, at least they do in the States. And frankly, I think they are the ones that need the advice. G.

This is a great article. My wife's look was a topic that led her to become much more what I desired in the areas we were having trouble. Had this article or site been known to me I can see that many of our troubles could have been avoided. Thank you for writing this. I can say that if a man lets it be known what he wants to see and rewards her when she takes the trouble, you will get what you want. This goes for her look and much else. I am learning as is my wife.

I agree that you should as a woman dress how you feel happy. I would have hated to marry someone who always wanted me to dress different than the way I like myself. I don't like high heels and am not too fond of dresses either. I would hate being married to a man who wanted me to wear dresses, hose, and high heels everyday!

My husband and I met when we were young and we have always been happy with the way the other person dressed. We both liked jeans and tennis shoes. Neither of us has changed much and we're both happy with the way the other looks. We both still dress really on the casual side and so do our kids. When I see a man I find attractive he almost always dresses very much like my husband! I never feel much about a shabby looking man. A man in a suit interests me for about 5 minutes, but a man well dressed in a nice pair of jeans, casual shoes and a nice casual shirt will be much more likely to get a longer look from me.

By the way Louise, if I was only two sizes up from when I married I would be glad to wear the mini skirt! I am 3-4 sizes bigger and there is no way I would be caught dead in one! I suppose you could buy one and walk around the house in it. It would be interesting to see how it catches hubby’s eye!

I asked my hub if he would like to pick clothes for me and he replied with a "what?" I asked again would he like to pick out my clothes for me. He replied, "I can barely pick out clothes for myself that look good! I wouldn't want to have to be in charge of picking yours." Then he said, "Gee it sounds as if I'm not really in charge, but I don't know if I want to be in charge of that!" After some thinking he said he would like me to look attractive, sexy and professionals if we are going out. He likes jeans and a tight shirt for casual. He would like to come shopping with me and have veto power. Now isn't that a whole new can of worms I've opened up tonight! I hope he forgets and I don't really have to bring him shopping!

It'd be the shopping for me and not the football, which I guess shows that us guys are all different, just like you women are. I enjoy shopping for myself and with women, and I love stuff like Trinny and Susannah and makeover-type things. It's nothing to do with my having a "feminine side", I assure you - although the m-word is used a lot about me, the f-word never is. It's just that us guys are varied and different, like you women. The f-word I will admit to is "fetishist", I guess. I do have a fetishistic side which I think is part of my interest in this, and I think fetishes are to be explored and enjoyed.

I've no interest in trying to force a woman into compliance with a dress code that she hates, but I do think having control in this area has great potential for the right two people. Clothes are really bound up with our ideas about masculinity and femininity - think about how male transvestites tend to dress - and some women are interested in getting into a deliberately feminine look. In fact, I've noticed a bit of a fashion for this in London recently, with the return of the blouse and so on. I think I could offer something to a woman like that.

I am fortunate to know quite a few fellows who enjoy going to sweethops, cafés and even going shopping with girls - and, no, they are straight!

My boyfriend always tells me "it suits you well" "or that he likes me wearing this or that, but he never critisized me. To him, personal hygiene matters more than make-up:-)

The interesting thig is, I suppose, that he likes soft materials- he is a sensualist and more feminine style. I fell very comfortable with him. Compared to my ex, he is a god. My ex critisized me heavily and almost ordered me to wear this or that. I was stupid enough to obey him, but burned with anger somwhere inside.

You should never let any man do this..!

Anna Maria wrote:

My ex critisized me heavily and almost ordered me to wear this or that. I was stupid enough to obey him, but burned with anger somwhere inside.

But perhaps if it had been the right man instead of the wrong man, and if he had been less critical (or if you had not experienced what he said as criticism), you might not have burned with anger inside. Or perhaps the right man for you would not be one whose taste in dress is so very different from yours. Seething with rage is not a good sign, I agree, but other things being equal, why react thus?

"I wear my sort of clothes to save me the trouble of deciding which clothes to wear."

"No! I've never dressed up for any man. If I thought he cared how I looked, I would have thought he was a fool. I really would have."

"I may look odd walking across Claridge's lobby, but I'm the height of chic in the jungle!"

"I think the short skirt is really fundamentally hideous"

"The thing that drove me out of skirts was the stocking situation. Stockings are just hopeless. Tights? Tights are so hot - oh can't stand them! That's why I've always worn pants....that way you can always go barefoot!"

All the above quotes are from 'Katherine Hepburn Once Said...' collected by Susan Crimp.

Generally, I find short hair on a woman makes her look more masculine, particularly if she is an older woman. It takes on a matronly, but more feminine look if the hair is long and coiled up in a bun. If it is loose and hanging, it is so much the better. I have seen women in their late 60s that actually look sexy with their long gray hair draped down to their waist.

KrosRogue

If we are both staying in for the day, or the majority of it, I am likely to have much more to say about what my woman will wear, if anything, than if we are spending much of the day apart or out.

Otherwise, I don't generally direct specific clothing on my woman but will often require a particular effect. A woman normally (though not always) knows more about clothing than I so unless she wants more direct involvement from me, it is only a few times a year that I might require some specific outer item, though I might make suggestions more frequently. Underwear is different: I will often work toward tight control over what underwear she wears - and when.

For work/outside business, I'm far more willing to let her pick, only offering advice where I feel I have appropriate input.

How I want my woman at any time depends on many things. There is no one set way I want her. In general:

• Long hair (gosh, what a surprise);
• Minimal makeup, if any (I don't want to look at a painting, I want to look at her);
• Slender figure;
• Flowing, skirty-type things to look elegant or tight things to entice and explore or short and skimpy to arouse and admire;
• Heels only as high as she can cope with (I have known a woman - but only one - walk very well on 6" stilettos).

For a single woman, you need to realise that different men like different things and that different types of men often like the same kind of look. You can't dress to please all men. Don't ask ALL men what they like, ask only those men (or their wives) who you feel are the type of man you want in your life. You'll find preference similarities with dominant men (e.g. long hair); eco-friendly men (leather); right-wing men (long skirts); blue-collar men (pleats); etc.

My last advice on this: if you're dressing to please then you know you have succeeded when the man wants to remove whatever it is you are wearing ;-)

Douglas.

Blue-collar men (pleats)??? Never heard that before! Why should blue-collar men like pleats? Do others dislike pleats?

That one set of men tend to like something does not exclude anyone else from also liking it. I do not think that men can be characterised by their clothing preferences (other than in terms of their clothing preferences, of course) but there are typical clothing preferences that certain sets of men have. A liking for long hair, flowing skirts, pleats or anything else isn't restricted to anyone.

In the eco-circles I (used to) move in, natural materials are a plus and leather is one of them. A vegan wouldn't go near it, of course and if a man is an 'eco-vegan' then ... well, that's why I say these are just guidelines - preference similarities - not fixed rules.

As to why blue-collar men like pleats, I've no idea. It is an observation made by a fashion model many years ago that has stuck in my mind - possibly because of the very strangeness of it.

Other types that come to mind as having overall taste similarities are devoutly religious men (various sects bring various clothing preference to mind), executives, Afro-Caribbeans. Although there are bound to be individual exceptions, each of these types probably bring to mind a typical dress style that they prefer. If not, thinking in this way clearly won't help unless you ask, as I suggested.

Douglas

Generally men seem to favor items of clothing that are more trouble for women to wear, so they should respect that it is a sacrifice to wear long hair when it's more comfortable and easy to cut it short

I would disagree with this. In the last ten years, I have had hair long enough to sit on and hair short enough that it barely grazed my jawbone. It is much easier for me to just twist very long hair up into a bun or put it in a pony tail than it is to style short hair every day. Short hair is much more apt to get tweaky, weird bedhead that can not be fixed without washing.

I think long hair being harder to take care of is a misconception. It is a widely held one and the reason that I ended up with short hair so many times. Never again, though. Ugh.

Otter*

PS Plus even if it were terrible trouble, I'd keep my hair long just so my partner has something to grab onto in bed. ;)

Maybe it's easier for you to wear it long but up but the net effect of that is to make it appear short anyhow.

I was forever getting it caught on things and pulled, sitting down on it, and so on. When I was younger and it looked great it was worth it. About 3 or 4 years ago I realized it just didn't look the way it once did.

I don't have very short hair. I don't much like that either. It comes to almost shoulder length. I think that's quite enough.

"Pat"

Men who leave clothes shopping to their women are missing out on much delicious pleasure.

I recently took a lady-friend shopping to Guildford. We visited a shop called Hobbs which, very thoughtfully, has a number of comfortable sofas arranged near the dressing rooms. After selecting a few outfits for J to try, I settled down reading a magazine waiting for her to emerge. Having her walk up and down and twirl in each outfit, until I was satisfied, did cause more than one eyebrow to be raised.

Interestingly one very helpful shop assistant did seem to understand the situation and, before long, she was pulling dresses off the racks and bringing them over for my appraisal. Then I discovered they have a shoe section...

I should add that I generally do take into account J's likes, dislikes and opinions providing they do not seriously conflict with my own preferences. I like her to take as much pleasure in her clothes as I do. However, my taste would probably appear old fashioned to most. I prefer skirts/dresses and will generally require that these are sufficiently long for the hem to touch the floor when kneeling up. Shoes can be flat or high depending on the outfit and occasion. Underneath I normally insist on stockings with suspenders/garters. I will not tolerate tights/pantyhose, which I regard as hideous and unhygienic; I do not care for hold-ups either. Wearing a slip is mandatory. A throwback to the 1950's you might say, although I never experienced that decade first hand.

Sometimes I will require J to wear a specific outfit, but I usually allow a lot of latitude within the above (arguably restrictive) guidelines. I like a feminine look, but that term encompasses a wide variety of styles.

Occasionally I will buy an outfit that J does not like. Normally something shapeless or unflattering. I find that the threat of being told to go and take this outfit out of the wardrobe is a very effective disciplinary tool (especially if public activities are planned), although one to be used sparingly, when a serious change of attitude is needed.

Lingerie shopping is even more fun; I adore expensive lingerie. There is a lovely lingerie shop in Haslemere which normally has only one customer at any time. So there is plenty of time for me to browse the styles available before sending my companion to try something. Then I will enter the dressing room and probably find reason to call the assistant for a second opinion or to adjust a bra strap or suspender...

The mild public humiliation involved in these activities curiously seems to be as arousing for J as it is for me to direct her.

Ha ha! No, not an ex-nun. I think the practice of kneeling to check skirt lengths was common in many British schools in the 1940s/1950s. I adopted it because it is a relatively unambiguous method and provides a length which satisfies my requirement for modesty and is compatible with the wearing of stockings. Also, it is a nice little ritual in itself.

I always thought my husband's obsessive interest in my knickers was a bit strange, but reading about the exacting requirements some men have for how their partners should dress makes me realise that I've got off lightly! His main idea is that I should wear as little as possible, I think he'd probably prefer it if I wore nothing but underwear all the time, but as we live in suburbia rather than on a desert island this is not practical.

I don't think there's anything wrong with wearing dresses because your husband likes you to, provided you are happy to do so. It would only be a problem if you were not happy to do it. I would find it very, very annoying if my hsuband demanded that I stop wearing jeans and start wearing dresses all the time, but that's because I hate dresses anyway. Also I spend a lot of my time running round after two very dirty and destructive small boys and cleaning up after them, which, as far as I am concerned, requires comfortable clothing, which for me means jeans or leggings.

If my husband suddenly wanted me to start dressing up all the time I would say to him "Fine, I'll do that if you are going to pay for full-time help to look after the kids and clean up after them while I'm doing that. Otherwise forget it." Fortunately my husband doesn't mind too much what I wear so long as it's tight and/ or he can get his hand up it or down it easily. He's more of a breast and bottom man than a leg man.

If anyone asks you why you're in a dress just tell them you prefer it, you don't have to go into details. So long as you really are happy to dress the way your husband wants you to, there's no problem. If, on the other hand, it pisses you off then you should talk to him about it. That there are men who want to monitor everything their wives wear is a new revelation to me, there's always something on this site that is surprising me!

Don't Despair!!

I absolutely love seeing an attractive woman with a pert, short haircut. My Missy looked great when it was long - when she was younger. But, as she got a bit older, she started keeping her hair shorter. And, you know what? She's gotten even prettier.

And note that not all men (or women) that read this site will comment on all topics. Hence, opinions may be one-sided.

Keep your head down only when you swim. Enjoy it, and otherwise keep your head up. I'm sure that you look great!

Sam (of Sam & Missy)

..In a way that is pleasing to her man. Period. If the guy likes variety he may purchase for her outfits such as:

1. Tight pink sweaters and spandex and keds
2. Stilletos, seamed black stockings, frilly dress
3. Business type attire, and if she wears glasses so much the better.

In all seriousness, the women should dress in a way that pleases her man.

I care a lot about how I look and how I dress - most women do! - and I really like it that my husband cares too, and lets me know when I'm looking good.

His tastes have changed how I dress, but that's because I want to please him, not a discipline thing. There are only two things I can say I wear now that I did not before I met my husband: flower prints and yellow. I love the flower prints, not so sure about yellow, but I really like that Michael likes me in yellow.

Michael always complimented me when I wore a skirt when we were first dating, so I made a point of skirts and dresses when I saw him. Shortly before we married we set the rule I should ask his permission if I want to wear trousers, and it's a good rule for us both. He's never refused yet when I've asked permission, but he does like me to give a good reason. I have to admit I pine for my jeans sometimes, especially when my friends are wearing them, and I have many more pairs in my wardrobe than I have good use for. But I'd much rather wear a dress Michael likes than jeans he doesn't.

Men don't like shopping and nor does Michael! Telling him I want to choose an outfit he will like can be a good way to get him to the shops (smile). But mostly I want the freedom to choose my own clothes and he wants me to have that freedom too: I think its the same for most girls and couples: our clothes and our look are more important to us than most men realise. There is another voice for me now when I'm choosing clothes. When I am trying on, I am always thinking , will Michael like me in this? I like having that thought - but I get it wrong sometimes!

I am pleased to see other ladies whose husbands take a real interest in thier lingerie too - I was a bit overwhelmed by Michael's attentions here at first,but it makes me feel sexier as a woman to know I have pretty underthings on.

Rambling's over! Please mail me if you want to discuss.

Charlotte

How should a woman dress? The short and obvious answer is that she should dress like a woman. But since this is one of my favourite topics, I shall elaborate a bit more on the matter and present my somewhat controversial and probably fetishist views.

I tend to think of myself as a super liberal and benevolent male in this matter in the sense that I ask nothing more of my beautiful wife than for her to stay away from all things masculine. So the rule is that she does not wear pants/trousers unless by special permission. Some people think of that as terribly restrictive, and I have no idea why. Let us reverse the argument. While some women accept that their husbands have transsexual inclinations, few would find it odd if the wife protested about her husband’s preference for lacy dresses or nylon stockings. Isn’t it then also completely natural for the husband to object to his wife wearing masculine clothes?

Consistently feminine women are enormously admirable and I am well aware that female skills require talent as well as training. I admire women who reject masculine clothing, celebrate womanhood, and invest a considerable effort into that statement. This is the kind of woman who chooses style over comfort and is proud of it. She is the kind of woman who has acquired the skill to negotiate icy steps gracefully in stilettos and a pencil skirt while quietly enjoying the traffic accidents she is causing. She loves making outrageous statements; when people ask her how she can breathe in her tight corset, she will tell them that she is a lady and has little need for deep breaths. When people ask if she does not find her high heels impractical, she will answer with conviction that she feels much more comfortable in her heels than she does in flats. – And she may even be telling the truth.

Here is a tangent: I also find it admirable when women admit and even embrace their feminine characteristics regardless of whether they may appear to be shortcomings. Why would a woman bother lifting heavy stuff in the garden if she has a strong husband or neighbour who is more than eager to help her with the task? Some women have trouble parking the car or backing it into the driveway, perhaps because women have less spatial perception than men, or perhaps just because they never cared that much about the skill of driving. So, who is more admirable? The woman who refuses to accept that she cannot do it and leaves the car blue in her face after minutes of futile attempts, or the one who simply walks away from the car with her head high and the attitude that she is a woman and cannot be expected to master a skill like that?

Female clothes tend to be impractical and in some cases downright restrictive. There is an anthropological explanation that I will not go into. However, this has unfortunately led to the modern idea that skirts are impractical for daily wear and do not provide enough insulation in a cold climate. We live in Scandinavia, and my wife wears skirts all around the year with no problem. I have no objection to her wearing woollen tights, heavy boots, and a long coat if the weather requires it. It is beside the point here that stockings are more sexy. There is nothing particularly masculine about tights and hence I have no objection to them.

Having said that, I will admit to a fetishistic fascination for women who wear impractical clothes as a statement of personality. The impracticality emphasizes her commitment to being feminine, and often serves no other purpose than making her beautiful. High heels, for instance, change the posture and throw the bust considerably forward. Men have reason to be grateful to women who will take the trouble of walking in high heels just to enhance their visual impression for the benefit of their environment and no doubt also for the benefit of their own well being. Have a look at www.staylace.com for an interesting insight into this issue.

Sincerely
Egghead

Louise,

Anyway,if dresses are so essentialy feminine, how do you account for the fact that there are societies where trousers are considered more suitable female attire, some Muslim countries, for instance?

What is considered feminine depends on the cultural context. There are also societies where men wear skirts.

As the woman pointed out in exasperation to her friend, the shorts he'd allowed her to wear were far more revealing than the 'immodest' skirt she'd wanted to wear, nevertheless, as far as her husband was concerned, the skirt was indecent, whereas the shorts weren't.

I understand the husband very well. Skirts do allow for a certain accessibility that shorts deny. Incidentally, I read somewhere that the Koran explicitly states that women are not allowed to wear male clothes.

The silly underwear I can live with, but pencil skirts and high-heeled shoes - no way!

Your choice – and your husband’s – I hope *wink*

Egghead

I will agree that a woman looks best in a skirt or a dress, but I don't view intentional discomfort as particularly appealing. Each of us has our preferences, and I find some more difficult to understand than others. I can't see what is so sexy about a woman stuffed into a corset and kept off balance in unnatural and ill-fitting footwear. I suppose I'm a bit more practical-minded than many folk, and somehow a sausage on stilts doesn't strike me as particularly erotic. ;-)

KrosRogue

Always find it such a shame when i see men out shopping for clothes with their partners, and they have got that "I'm so bored" look on their faces, and seem to take no pleasure in what they are doing.

Since my wife and I first met, I have always found shopping to be fun... yes... let me repeat that... shopping is fun. There is nothing I enjoy more than the look of sheer pleasure my wife gets when she finds something that, she thinks that she looks good in, but wants my approval, and enjoys hearing that I think she looks gorgeous.

She is dressing... for me, she wants to look attractive... for me, I feel she deserves my full attention while we are shopping, if something doesn't look good, (if her arse looks big in that dress, or she has picked something that wouldn't look good on a size 6 model), then I say so, but with reassurance.

Reassurance, that I'm not bored, that I'm not desperate to get out of here and i cant wait till its over syndrome.
A simple "its not a problem, plenty more shops/clothes to look at", will relax my wife, allowing her the time to enjoy the experience, this often seems to speed the whole process up, as she doesn't have that desperate look of; "I must find something" that so often seems to be on the faces of many women, while their men stand outside the changing rooms, and generally pass comments like, "its alright"... or even worse... "yeah, it looks great, can we go now".

LOL... Men don't do that.... enjoy the experience, say something nice, she will love you for it... the time spent in each shop will radically reduce... maybe even suggest that you want to take her out and buy her something nice to wear, ask her if she has seen anything recently that she liked the look of, and make sure your paying.
The rewards for the last one, are normally a very submissive, loving caring woman, who very much wants to attend to my needs. D/W

A long haired wig would not be acceptable to me. If long hair (middle of the back at least) doesn't seem appropriate, it can, as someone here suggested, be worn up in a bun or some other arrangment. But I want to be able to control her -- actually rather often -- by winding a hand in her hair. This also precludes those plasticized sculptural arrangements that cause problems at night lest they collapse on the pillow. Just hate that hissing noise as they collapse.

And I want to be able to loosen her hair myself. It has seemed with several women that when I loosen their long hair, it releases something else about them -- internal attitude, I suppose -- and she breathes deeper and becomes ready much more quickly and surely. I find, generally, that brushing and adjusting and fiddling with it gives many opportunities for her to show off various interesting things. Most have enjoyed that, as I certainly do.

As for other comments on clothing here, I abhor pantyhose and never permit them in the house, nor let my woman wear them. No exceptions; they appear to me to be a sort of armor and I don't want my woman armored, interfering with my access to her (that's the reason I have a bias againt pants of any kind as well). If hose are indicated for some reason, garter belts present many opportunites (eg, just too tight, or a different than the usual sort -- my choice of course) which are meant to, and often do, keep her aware of her body during the day or when we go out in public, in the way I prefer. Her glow in such cases is most interesting.

Quite a satisfactory set of policies, in most respects, for both of us. Despite occasional plaints that she's nothing (stylish) to wear. That's rare though, and disapproved, for she's a closet full of things.

Having said all this, I have to say that I leave to her the choice of clothes. I simply veto anything I find impossible when she uncharacteristically brings home something unacceptable to me.

I have found that what I wear directly influences my state of mind and behavior. Wearing skirts and feminine shoes makes me feel soft, feminine and more willing to accept help. I speak in a softer voice and feel more patient. When I wear jeans and brogans I am more likely to take charge and be assertive. I am the same capable woman able to make good decisions and be self-sufficient regardless of what I'm wearing, but what I'm wearing certainly influences how I feel, speak, and behave. It's just something I've noticed over the past several months.

J's Girl

I sympathise with your lack of interest in fashion, which I share. I mostly wear jeans or leggings (the leggings are all wearing out because you can't buy them any more, which is infuriating, as they are the most comfortable thing ever). My husband doesn't mind as long as they're tight and he can get his hand inside them. The only thing he insists on is sexy underwear.

I used to have my hair down to my waist, but cut it when my first son was a baby as I got sick of having my hair pulled. My husband still has a wistful desire for me to grow it long again, but I really find it much easier to manage as it is, and at just below shoulder length it seems a reasonable length to me. I wouldn't dare cut it any shorter than that though, I think my husband would probably consider it grounds for divorce.

i prefer my wife to wear 1950`s style pencil skirts. The ones with the darts in to accentuate her bottom ithink they provide modesty and sexiness at the same time

I have always taken it for granted that I dress, wear makeup, perfume and cream to please the man I am with. If I am single, I would dress to please a gentlemen of some style and taste. The purpose of clothing is to attract and please others and oneself. How should one dress if not to please your partner, and have him enjoy your appearance? If it pleases him, so that he finds me attractive, then it then pleases me.

One comment though I would like add is about women dressing men. Men very much enjoy when you find them handsome, compliment them on their clothing, and enjoy how they look in and without clothing. I tend to buy nice clothing for men in my life, but always to suit their taste and style, and not to change them. I did buy a tux once for a partner, and he enjoyed wearing it so much that he bought another one when it wore out.

It's funny: when I started reading the comments here I felt really resistant for the first time on this site. What: my man is going to tell me how to dress? I'm an unapologetic fashionista (to the extent that my *cough* rather meagre income allows): I adore clothes and how I choose to present myself to the world is important to me: I'm also, at nearly 40, pretty aware of what shapes suit me and what really doesn't work. Now, while I'm always happy to oblige in some ways ("You want me to look smart tonight, honey? Of course") the thought of my man imposing his ideas on me, checking my skirt-length or forbidding me stockings, made me sputter with disbelief.

And then, as so often, the idea began to ferment in my head, and started to bubble up into something else. Yes: maybe that's something I'd like him to try - not, to start with, for my everyday clothes, but once in a while? Not only would it mean I'd get his attention while we shop, it also - and especially if it's not something I'd ever choose for myself - would be a visible, and secret, erotic badge of his mastery of me.

I'm sure there would be difficulties -things that he'd choose that I'd just hate to wear, and feel resentful about. But with some negotiation... Hmmmm. *ponders happily* I wonder if he'd like it?

I have always worn jeans, t-shirts and sneakers for my casual attire. It’s just what I’ve always been comfortable in. When I was thinner I would wear more revealing tops and short shorts. My fiancé used to wear band t-shirts, black sweat pants and combat boots. As with me, this is just what he was comfortable in. I can honestly say that Taken In Hand and each other have had a positive effect on our attire. He now wears jeans, his band t-shirts and sneakers. He likes me to go shopping with him and tell him if a certain cut jeans look good on him. I have taken to buying more girly tops instead of the t-shirts I was getting comfortable with. As far as panties go, he says, “Wear what’s comfortable and when you are alone with me don’t wear any.” I certainly know how to dress up for an occasion. I always get complimented on my dresses and suits although I’m usually never very comfortable. Being a heavier person I despise pantyhose so I try to buy dresses, skirts and suits that I don’t need to wear them with. Before we implemented Taken In Hand I told my fiancé if he wanted me to wear pantyhose more then he’d have to try a pair on for himself and see what they are like. Needless to say he never brought it up again. Truly, I think that he doesn’t care what I wear. He is a large man as well so he wears what’s comfortable to him. I don’t wear makeup because I have bad skin and it just makes it worse. Sometimes when I’m feeling dainty I put some on and he says, “What’s with the makeup?” I’ll tell him I just felt like putting some on. He usually just shrugs his shoulders and goes about his business. He hates lipstick on me. When he wants to kiss me he doesn’t want to have to go through lipstick first. Dress isn’t really an issue with us.

Your husband seems to be a bit like me in that regard. I utterly detest lipstick, and I'm not very fond of makeup either. Both of them are barriers to intimacy as far as I'm concerned. I think it's quite grotesque for me to kiss a woman and get a taste of some foul waxy substance that causes my stomach to churn.

Mike Starre

I have no clue how to dress myself anymore! When we met I worked as a bar maid and lived in jeans and shirts.

Now, I live to dress for him alone. Cleaning and such are the exception, I don't want to ruin the pretty things he buys for me. I wear dresses more than I ever did, stockings and garter belts I have to order from the UK. Real belts are harder to find in the states...they are meant more for 20 minute romps in the bedroom than actual wearing everyday. If we are out to clubs he picks what I wear. Other than that very classic ladylike fashions are what I am seen in more often than not. If I am "up to no good" and being "His BRAT" I tend to go over the top a bit ...but, I do get what I am fishing for, usually.

Like he says, "Ladies should dress like ladies". If he does not like what I am wearing I change, if he thinks the style suits me I will enevitably end up with 5 or 6 of that item in various colors.

I'm a little surprised at how casual most of the replies are on this subject. It seems to me a lady's appearance would be a fundamental issue in this taken in hand idea. And the women are so resistant to being told what to wear. I thought the idea was for the man to be in charge.

I think the man should either dictate the lady's clothing on a daily basis, or if that is felt too tedious - and it could be, I'm not sure - then she should follow a dress code that requires a sharp appearance, relative to the environment she's in.

I think the man needs to be reasonable and by that I mean:

* Flats should be the norm at least every other day and perhaps more, and on other days ladies should wear either 1 inch, 2 inch, or 3 inch heels on some sort of rotation, or 4 only if the lady feels up to it every other week or so.

* Dresses and skirts should go down at least to the knee. Longer dresses/skirts look more mature, professional, modest, etc. Short skirts just look kind of cheap.

* I would leave all decisions regarding hair and jewelry to the lady, as clearly women can be very attractive with all sorts of hair lengths. (As an aside, this is an area perhaps there should be a rule for the men - very short hair required always as it's a more disciplined look for someone who is in charge.) But the lady needs to at least wear some makeup, the plain jane look clearly detracts from a woman's femininity.

OK, here are random thoughts on ladies looking great:

* I was in a bank the other day and no less than four of the 10 or so ladies working there were wearing very sharp suits - 3 with slacks and 1 with a skirt. I love suits on women and they mesmerized me, as they looked fantastic. The average woman on the street is dressed so shabbily that I do a double take when they look so nice. I might add that using the bank as an example, I love the contrast between what the men and women wear under the suits - the men a no-exceptions long-sleeved shirt and tie, while the women can go with a long-sleeved shirt (short-sleeved shirts are absolutely a no-no) with a wide open collar, or a very thin and sleeveless top, among other options.

So anyhow for workdays, I think women should split about half and half between slacks and dresses/skirts. A dressy pair of slacks that almost touch the ground, particularly over high heels, is a great look.

Then some sort of rotation of suits and very classy dresses would be the workplace routine.

As for jeans, they should be a no-no for work and really should only be worn on off time if they are very new and are matched with heels; with flats they don't cut it.

Ladies in off hours could certainly go with flats (dressy flats), but when shopping or doing other business outside the home should still be very presentable: a long-sleeved shirt and dress slacks, a turtleneck and so on. A v-neck sweater over a long-sleeved shirt with the shirt cuffs - which need to be long - folded back over the sweater at the wrists is a really nice look. And no shirts where the cuffs don't easily reach the base of the hand - when the sleeves are too short it just looks bad.

Tennis shoes should only be worn by women when exercising, playing sports, hiking, and working around the house. Same for sweatshirt and sweatpants - ugh!

Bossman, not every woman would want to be with a man with clothing fetishes. Many women would not be with a man like you in the first place, and if that is the case they might be better advised to dress in a way that would not appeal to you.

If they are single, women should wear what they enjoy wearing, not force themselves to wear a style that they dislike. Men have different preferences from each other. My husband particularly loves jeans and sneakers on me, and that, to him, is sexy and cute, whereas the clothing you like would not appeal to my husband in any way.

So wear what you want, ladies, and attract a man who enjoys the same clothes you do, or for whom clothing is not an issue. Attracting a man by wearing clothes you hate might doom you to wearing the hated clothes forever.

--) Flats should be the norm at least every other day and perhaps more, and on other days ladies should wear either 1 inch, .......... heels (--

I don't like high heels. My preference is for flats. Heels look awkward and not at all sexy to me.

--) lady needs to at least wear some makeup, the plain jane look clearly detracts from a woman's femininity. (--

I hate makeup. Besides that, I find the "plain jane" look very sexy. I find it to be an intriguingly eerie and erotic appearance.

Business suits to me are asexual, whether with pants or skirt, and a TOTAL TURNOFF for me.

I prefer dresses to skirts, although I can see the necessity for skirts under certain circumstances.

I agree whole-heartedly with the knee-length requirement, because I believe a woman should be modest in public. Modesty seems to be a lost concept with so many women these days.

Mike Starre

These little snippets about how a woman should dress are really funny. My husband and I never seem to agree about my choice of clothing. Here's an incident which happened recently.

I bought a maxi dress from Next a few weeks ago. It cost 55 pounds sterling and is really lovely. I like fashion from the early 1970s, before it got too silly (e.g. collars to your nipples, reams of trouser on flares, etc) and maxis are long and feminine. I told him I'd bought a new dress, as we were going out for dinner that night. Later on, when he saw me in it, he shook his head and said "it reminds me of Margo from The Good Life!" I couldn't help but laugh. He accepted it though, but kept saying things like "another G&T, Margo?" through the evening, with an air of mischief!

Then, a few days later, I took some old clothes to the Help the Aged charity shop. I had a good rummage round whilst in the store and managed to get a suede jacket, a sleeveless T-shirt and a calf-length, fish tail type skirt with a swirly sort of pattern for 10 pounds. Bargain, eh? All 3 items were pink too. When he saw me in this ensemble, he said, "now - that's more like it!" and was amazed the full outfit cost much less than the Margo frock.

Left up to him, he likes me in minis, red undies, etc. Not high heels surprisingly, but then I'm as big as him if they're 3 inches or more. I was 40 this year, and am starting to feel a bit mutton dressed as in his preferred attire, but I look after myself and every so often, the legs make a brief cameo.

He also loves my hair long. I do too. My mum had a nit phobia when I was little, so I used to watch classmates enviously braiding their 3 foot tresses and would often volunteer to brush and style it for them. Also, I have quite a long neck, so above, say, collar length and it can all appear a bit giraffe like! It was red for years but he's suddenly taken a liking for me as a blonde when I had some highlights put in about 2 years ago.

I don't feel threatened or controlled when he expresses a preference. In fact, I value his opinion and take all he says on board. The fact is, as long as you have the confidence, it really doesn't matter what you wear.

My husband is in total agreement with you once again: he prefers long hair too, but right now I have boyish short hair. Any idea on how long it takes to grow to even shoulder length?

I had hair to my waist in September. Cut it off to chin length. It is now finally back at my shoulders. Hair grows at different rates, but I think I heard someone say once that a half inch a month or so is typical.