How do I broach the subject of Taken In Hand?

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How do I broach the subject of Taken In Hand?

CajunBaby asks how to broach the subject:

"I am new to this site but am excited to find it. In the past most of the sites I've stumbled across on the internet have been kind of sleezy porno sights not at all dedicated to what I was looking for. Anyway, I have been happily married to my husband for three years. I do believe that this kind of relationship would help us a great deal; I like the idea of my husband being in control in a loving way and, in a certain sense, I suppose he already is although it isn't something we discuss. I teased him once about spanking me but he didn't really understand what I was talking about, or that I feel I really need him to initiate some sort of discipline at times. He's Catholic and I'm fearful that he will think I'm a weirdo for bringing something like this up, even though I personally think it's one of the most natural situations for a husband and wife to be engaged in. How does one "bring up" a subject such as this? There never seems to be a right time and I'm not even sure how I would broach the subject. I do feel it's something I very much need in our relationship. Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated. Thanks."

[This is a frequently-asked question. When replying to this post, please ensure that your comments are about how to broach the subject of taking a relationship in a Taken In Hand direction. To address the slightly different question of how to persuade a spouse that this might be a good idea, please leave your comments on How can I persuade him to take control in our relationship? or I want us to have a Taken In Hand relationship. How can I persuade my wife?. Thanks, everyone! - The Editor]

See also:
I want us to have a Taken In Hand relationship. How can I persuade my wife?
How can I persuade him to take control in our relationship?

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2007 Aug 18 - 13:29 | login or register to post comments | latest article | previous article | next article |

Broaching the subject

Since you mention that your husband is Catholic, I think what I might do in your position would be to go to the bible. Lots of people have taken in hand relationships based on the biblical view on the husband being the head of the household. There are online bibles that you can search to find specific passages on marriage. Let your husband see you reading the bible. He'll likely ask what you're doing. I rarely sit around reading the bible at home, so I know this would catch my husband's attention.

Anyhow, talking to him about a taken in hand relationship using the bible as a starting point, may help to get the conversation started in a way that doesn't focus on what many people view as just a spanking kink. It is far less likely that he'll think that you're a "weirdo" if the conversation starts from the bible, then, say, a spanking website.

I hope this helps. Good luck to you.

by RhodeIslandRose on 2007 Aug 20 - 13:39 | login or register to post comments

The Bible or the kink?

Well, some people might find it less weird to be introduced to the idea as the fulfillment of a sexual desire, than as something that the Bible has ordained. As far as spanking goes, there is nothing about wife-spanking in the Bible, so it won't necessarily be helpful if you want to include spanking in the relationship.

"Where's that in the Bible?" might be your spouse's not entirely unreasonable response. I think introducing spanking through the medium of sexual desire and working up to the disciplinary aspect might be a better way, I personally think it would be less embarrassing to do it that way around. I suppose it all depends on your point of view. I am all in favour of embracing your kinkiness, and emphasising that you find this a massive turn-on might be a good way to get your spouse intersted.

Louise

by Louise C on 2007 Aug 20 - 15:36 | login or register to post comments

sexual spanking

Not everyone who wants to be spanked finds it arousing. I know I don't. Introducing spanking through sexual spanking wouldn't have worked for me, but I do agree with working up to disciplinary spanking and embracing male dominance in other aspects of your relationship. For me, this meant working on becoming more aware of the times when my husband acted in a dominant manner that I enjoyed and telling him how much I appreciated it both in and outside the bedroom. (I have found that letting him know how arousing and manly I find his actions to be is always a good way to ensure that he repeats the behavior.)

Once we were both more comfortable with his more dominant role, I waited for an appropriate time to discuss my desire for punishment spankings. The time that I found was during a conversation we were having about the ways that my negative behavior was affecting our relationship, but there are plenty of other times that would have been appropriate as well. I think that the most important thing to do when you are trying to make any major change in a relationship is to listen to your instincts. Only you can know if including the Bible in your discussions will work for you and your husband. If it will, then great. If not, there are lots of other ways. The bottom line is this: you know your husband and you'll know when the time is right to tell him how you'll feel.

by quakersara on 2007 Aug 20 - 18:56 | login or register to post comments

Couple of comments

A couple of things to bring up. First, tell him why you want him to be the HOH. By telling him how much you trust him, you will give him the encouragement to take charge.

Secondly, express this as a need of yours. He will be more willing to respond to your needs, instead of your wants.

Tom

by ozzie on 2007 Aug 21 - 16:49 | login or register to post comments

Broaching the Subject

Being somewhat new to this site myself, I believe the answer is fairly simple: Show your husband this website! This is what I did to get my husband to understand my desires and needs. This website is an excellent resource. It's down-to-earth, full of great advice and great common sense articles. Thankfully, he became and remained enthusiastic with the whole concept. He even subscribes to the RSS feed, and reads it more than I do.

by domieb2 on 2007 Aug 23 - 20:11 | login or register to post comments

Give him an easy start

In addition to Toms wise advise. I would say give him an easy start.
Ask for his help in a discipline matter. This will make him curious and you can confess and you have not to demand.

Horst

by horstbogner on 2007 Aug 25 - 07:14 | login or register to post comments

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