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Taken In Hand accolades“[S]ince the day I [discovered Taken In Hand] I have rediscovered my feminity.” “[Taken In Hand is] a necessary read... Very complex, lots of power shifts, combining respect with pain, and pleasure. Domination roles. Submissive roles. The whole shebang. I'm glad I found it.” “Taken In Hand... is the name of a website that I discovered less than two years ago and which made a big difference to my life. It made me understand what it was I wanted and helped me to come to terms with my own feelings and gave me the impetus to talk seriously to my husband about our relationship for the first time ever really. The site is about male-led relationships which do not necessarily have to involve spanking. The owner of the site is more interested in other aspects of male control. There are a lot of interesting articles on the site.” “Taken In Hand is male led but male intimately led. ... I do like the Taken In Hand focus on family and the focus that marriage is between one man and one woman. That is actually very important to me.” “[I]n Taken In Hand, I am enhancing and extending my power as a woman, and enriching my life and personality. I give up NOTHING, and gain the world.... [M]y perception of Taken In Hand is that there are few other venues that can compare for teaching men the responsible, healthy uses of power. It gives men skills and confidence they can use not just in their sexual relationships, but also with their children, in their professions, and out in the community. Taken In Hand requires a far higher level of courage, sacrifice, responsibility, and personal integrity than many so-called ‘doms’ will even think to aspire to.” “Taken In Hand is about having the man in charge because you like it like that, it's not about blind obedience or never having your own way about anything.” “I feel the best spanking site is Taken in Hand. 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[...] For women who have longed for a relationship such as this and have no idea where to start, this is a great site for you. For men that want to better understand the whole concept from a women’s point of view, this site is a must read.” “It's a great site.” “If you think my perspective on dating isn't politically correct you should go read Taken In Hand. [It has] posts with titles like, When rape is a gift. You go, girl. Defy those hairy-armpitted feminists and enjoy yourself. :)” “great site.” “There are lots of websites for people in the BDSM, D/s, DD (domestic discipline) and spanking communities. There are websites for people who belong to religions that advocate male-head-of-household marriage. There are even websites for Christians who are interested in BDSM. But there are very few websites for people who are interested in male-led intimate relationships but who are not interested in all that the above communities associate with this kind of relationship (jargon, clothes, etc.) “[Taken In Hand] is really the most beautiful website devoted to DD.” “[Taken In Hand] is my major kink” “[Taken In Hand is an] erudite and intelligent site” “[Taken In Hand is a]n excellent site with many thought-provoking articles and responses.” “[Taken In Hand is] one of the most exciting sites on the internet!” “[T]he whole damn site really is one of the most well articulated (pro/con) loaded blogs I've seen. It provides a cross section of how people are feeling out there even amongst those who are ‘seemingly’ natural allies.” “As I view it, I'm a control freak. I love to be in control. However, I fantasize about that control being stripped from me and handed over to someone else....namely, my husband. I'm just glad I found a site that makes me realize I'm not a freak for wanting to be dominated” “I was delighted to receive word of Taken In Hand. ... a very thoughtful and well-written group blog. ... I'm looking forward to reading through this blog the way I look forward to reading a new novel by a favorite author. It looks that good.” “Wow. This site is so amazing.” ““[Taken In Hand is] a wonderful website ... from a MaleDom/femsub perspective ... [I]t's about the interpersonal dynamics of loving relationships where the man is the boss. [I]t's assumed that both partners are in it because that's what they want and have chosen. Also, unlike many other ‘traditional marriage’ sites, it's not coming from any sort of biblical perspective. ... Some of the best writing I've seen on these topics, from a variety of authors.” “[Taken In Hand is] a brill resource.... for info articles... and real life experiences” “A very cool site” “Thank you for providing such a positive, validating place for like-minded people to talk about this in a way that affirms the dignity of both men and women” “a great site” “an exremely high quality site... I highly recommend [Taken In Hand].” “fantastic site” “Intéressant à lire” “Un site remarquable” “[Y]our site rocks!” “Visit Taken in Hand for a lot of good thoughts. I think you'll find them useful even if you don't use corporal punishment.” “a wonderful site” “the best there is” “The answer to every single discussion is there. Best piece of text I read ever...And it rings SO true.” “What a wonderful website. ... [S]o much of this I can relate to my life. ... It has been a while since I have read a website that was ‘different’ than most.” “GREAT site” “Website of the Month” Other |
The Future of Men, by Marian Salzman, Ira Matathia and Ann O'Reilly: a book reviewHaving previously written books called Next and Buzz, Marian Salzman and her colleagues call themselves “international trendspotters and advertising world superstars”. The Future of Men, according to Salzman's website, “leverages the success that Salzman and her colleagues had in 2003, when they popularized the concept of metrosexuality”. Well, it is a breezy look at men over the last few decades; but it's also an infuriating and ultimately fairly tiresome book, and not just because the authors use the word “societal” a lot. The truth is, it doesn't offer any real insight. The authors observe men's behaviour and quote what a range of journalists and ordinary people say about them, in books, in the media and in interviews, but just reporting these things without going deeper can simply lead to confusion. They're happy enough, for instance, to let us know that
But this idea goes nowhere. They fail to think through whether this trend has any social consequences, let alone to what extent it might be true. The inverted commas around “truths” perhaps explain why: these authors are so concerned with media and marketing that, deep down, they believe those forces “culturally construct” masculinity:
Nonetheless, they're happy elsewhere in the book to “explain” the phenomenon of the toy-boy in a one-liner about changing evolutionary pressures. But enough about its lack of intellectual rigour. The fundamental idea behind the book is that as the “image” of man has changed over the last fifty years, man himself has changed, too. In that sense, the book is less about the future of men than about their present and past, and it's the book's treatment of the past that I find most annoying actually. I think Salzman and her colleagues stereotype the past, constantly talking in broad-brush terms that make it sound as though every marriage in the mythical “1950s” was a Taken in Hand style one – they're happy for instance to quote, uncritically, the British writer Paul Fraser:
It seems to me what's happening here is over-generalisation and wishful thinking, as Fraser and the authors enjoy drawing a sharp contrast between then and now. My own view, as a man who very much wants a wife to love and fear me, is that my and her active desires for this (hey, where is she by the way?) are thoroughly modern, postfeminist desires. The 1950s are a great fantasy for us, a cultural reference (and I love a vintage suit more than most guys who don't love guys) but I suspect many men and women were trapped in unfulfilling marriages then, as now, and were much less able to express their need for security and control than we can now. It's the sheer selectivity that bugs me about this book's take on history. “Once upon a time,” it tells us, “leading men in American movies came with an imposing physique and a square jaw: John Wayne, Humphrey Bogart, Robert Mitchum, Lee Marvin… Nowadays, for every Russell Crowe there is a baby-faced, effeminate Tobey Maguire…” It makes a neat contrast, but hang on! Have Salzman and her friends never heard of Cary Grant? Of Montgomery Clift? Of Dirk Bogarde? Again, we're offered an airbrushed, fake monochrome past – the kind of past imagined by people who probably think everything that appears new, really is. As women have become more independent, the authors argue, they have gained control of masculinity. They now define it, approve it or criticise it, with increasing help from gay men, and straight men have adapted to this change by becoming more “female-friendly”, which means they try to talk about their feelings, to dress nicely, and to do grooming. Hence the metrosexual fad of a few years ago, which as I've said Salzman claims credit for spotting (and naturally, the book mentions England soccer captain David Beckham a lot – he really does seem to be global metrosexual number 1). The one thing that's interesting for us here is the next step in the argument: Salzman and her colleagues say there's now a backlash against all this. At a number of points, women are quoted complaining about a certain kind of narcissistic man who spends more time on grooming than she does, or has more expensive shoes. In fact, the book has a clearly ambivalent attitude to the poor old metrosexual: Salzman clearly doesn't know whether her Frankenstein's monster fills her with pity or horror. At times he seems idealised as a modern, sensitive guy (Metrosexuals – dontcha just love ’em?), at others, an embarrassing blip that real men have moved on from by now (Metrosexuals – arentcha sick of ’em?). It's doublethink worthy of the Private Eye fake columnist Glenda Slag, whom British readers may know. Women aren't being made happy by men who are vulnerable and needy, we learn, and both men and women are looking for something else. One Dutch woman is quoted speaking in very Taken in Hand terms: she likes her man to be the main decision-maker and head of the household, to be in control – because all this makes her feel like a woman. The authors mention The Surrendered Wife, of course, as one expression of this backlash, and make a point of saying that surrendering responsibility to her partner can be liberating for a woman. So maybe the tide of trend is with us! Where the book gets really a bit silly is in its invention of homo postmextrosexualis. Salzman and Co. think there's a new type of manly man: what he's got is called “M-ness”, and he's called the übersexual.
So Clooney's your man (which makes me quite smug to have once been called “the thinking woman's George Clooney” – by a gay man, I'm afraid). There's still a fair amount of ambiguity about this character, though: the übersexual also has to be touchy-feely:
I love that last bit; I think men really will be in crisis if they start bonding with each other over knitwear materials. But the authors soon get back on track, conjuring up the image of the oh-so-sexy übersexual.
With a possibly endearing lack of irony, the authors seem to have forgotten that they've already, nearly two hundred pages earlier, quoted Paul Fraser's cutting critique of exactly this kind of fantasy:
Have you seen the following articles? The Night Porter: movie review What is a Taken In Hand relationship? (In BDSM terms) Surrendered in love How can I be sure he's monogamous? PUT women in their place He's in charge. . . but I do it my way The importance of conquest A gentle giant who loves and serves the woman he leads What easy-to-say word gives every lover pleasure? Saying things for effect 2006 Jan 22 - 19:04 | login or register to post comments | latest article | previous article | next article | permanent link
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