If you read only the first chapter of most books, you will find that they are very different. Similarly, I do not believe that all women are the same 'at the core' any more than are all men. People are all different. You cannot assume that because you know one woman that means you know them all.

My husband, for instance, knows me well enough that he can pick out the curtains of my choice from a catalogue without me saying a word about them, but a lot of other women would not want those curtains anywhere near them. Likewise, he couldn't tell what other, more intimate needs other women might have simply by going by what I like.

As George Bernard Shaw said "Don't do unto others as you would they should do unto you, their tastes may not be the same as yours". You can't just assume that what your woman wants is what all women want.

Noone, this is a wonderful article! It seems that you have a certain knack for that. Since beginning the Taken in Hand relationship, my wife and I have really enjoyed reading your posts. I don't know how many people have read your story about how you and your wife's relationship began. We have! My wife and I consider you a pioneer of this type of relationship.

Pushing at the walls, I am sure happens in every Taken in Hand relationship. From the beginning, it has been a dynamic in my wife's and my Taken in Hand relationship. I think that women push at the walls for many different reasons. As you say it is a natural.

When the leader of the relationship has the undeniable control and sets what my wife and I call guidelines, if I do not stay consistent and reinforce these guidelines, that's when we experience this.

This is not to say that following these or not following these guidelines causes pushing at the walls and that it isn't connecting, because I believe that the pushing at the walls is probably the most connecting dynamic in our relationship.

Your sentence about every woman being unique I find very intriguing, as I have only had one woman to learn and understand from the start, and there is certainly no comparing her habits and being to any other.

Setting guidelines for the purpose of surrounding and protecting a woman is a very good way to let the woman know that you are present and in control of the relationship. It also leads to connection which I feel is the main ingredient in a successful Taken in Hand relationship.

Respectfully, Race

Generally women who think they are unique are not such rare birds. Usually, except in their own minds, they are quite pedestrian in their superficial personality and sexual prowess.

In truth, a woman's claim to possess some *only one of its kind* quality is usually little more than a glitzy defense mechanism to preserve her own troubled illusion of mystique. That she might be very much like other women deep inside truly scares her.

Where this not so, she would have settled into a comfortable relationship with the man of her choosing long ago.

I perceive this article as being about how the leader of the relationship should surround their significant other with, love, protection,and caring and then also take the initiative to see to it that she feels that you are putting her first and making her your passion in life.

I could not lead my wife and our relationship if I were not putting her first, and thinking one step ahead at all times. I require my wife to keep the doors and windows locked at our house when I am not home. The reason for this is at least I can feel that she is safe as she can be. I think that this is another way that she can feel my presence and she has even mentioned that this helps her feel connected when I am not at home. And Yes!!! I have come home before and have found the door unlocked and guess what, she promptly got her bottom spanked. I could never, ever, live with myself if something were to happen to my wife because the right amount of caution was not taken.

My wife does not feel that I micro-manage her in any way, quite the contrary, she is quite comfortable with the guidelines we set, and we stay away from making rules just for the sake of making rules -- we feel that would be way to taxing on our relationship.

After reading more than just a few posts by Taken in Hand women such as Blush, Tevmer, and several others, it seems that what they all really desire is the caring and the attention that you speak of in your article. Kudos, Noone and thanks again for a great article!

Race

Louise,

My Aunt Maude was a real character. The product of a large family, she was one take charge kind of lady. I've heard many amusing family stories regarding her penchant for thrashing anyone who threatened her many younger siblings. Apparently she was active in the New Thought Movement at the turn of the last century, and subsequently bequeathed her large esoteric library to my father. Many of those books are now in my possession, providing many hours of fascinating reading. Her real claim to fame, or shall I say, Infamy, was her early business endeavor during the Great Depression. Apparently she was called "Madame" with good reason, having run a bordello for several lucrative years! This we learned, only upon her death, from an ancient relative who'd kept her secret faithfully. As feisty and full of verve as she may have been, she was duly gentled and managed by her husband. I imagine their relationship may well have been a Taken In Hand sort of affair. I'll never really know, but it's a lovely thought.

I've lived both in England and the USA, so I do realize there are some functional differences in cultural attitudes, not to mention any number of language distinctions. Torch/flashlight, steps/ladder, corgette/zucchini, swede/rutabega, and my the most embarrassing of my personal verbal faux pas was the discovery (in mixed company) that the English do not refer to bottoms as fannies.

At any rate, lighting our marital pathway by torch or flashlight, I wonder exactly how my own husband would react to my brandishing weapons in the wee hours? He told me just last night that he isn't surprised when I behave sensibly, for he fully expects me to make reasonable, logical, sensible choices. Nice warm fuzzies and a pleasurable glow resulted from that comment.

Our flashlight, by the way, is a heavy British made instrument, designed to effectively light the pathway for a good many feet ahead. I have used it for that very purpose both here and back in Kent. But I have to agree that nothing produces a warmer glow than a man willing to trouble himself to escort his beloved where danger may or may not lurk. I love that proprietary hand at the small of my back, his solid presence at my side, knowing he cares enough to see to my well being. He also knows I'm prone to shouting out loud and throwing whatever I might be clutching in my hand (before bolting at a dead run) at the first sign of danger; whether torch, gun, cell phone, or ham sandwich. If I were lucky enough to hit a target squarely with this torch of ours, I might possibly do some damage, but knowing me, I'd simply toss the flashlight directly into the hands of a would be assailant.

I think walking alone at night in many settings, possibly most settings, is not the wisest choice I could make. It's doubtful my husband would ever need to instruct me regarding that particular topic, as I'd rather avoid the howling coyote packs that roam the streets here, just as I'd have avoided groups of roaming yobs back in England.

There are areas where I defer to his judgment, or consider his feelings as being more important to me than some of the activities I'd like to explore. Most recently, we had a disagreement about my desire to take up rock climbing. His feelings are so strongly anti, that I simply choose to give him peace of mind and take up a less dangerous hobby. I appreciate not only his willingness to express how he feels, but also the way he conveys his feelings to me. I recognize that he cares deeply about my well being, and will agree with noone that showing that loving concern is all important. So, he shows it by "forbidding" me to take up rock climbing, I show that I care for his feelings by agreeing to "obey." Little frisson at the thought of the dynamics here.

So, before nattering on any more, I'll just thank you and everyone else here for clarifying thoughts and feelings of a Taken In Hand nature.
Ameribritwife

"Whether by rules or less formal means, a woman must know that a man cares. In the end, that is all that matters." Amen to that! I agree with that whole heartedly. Personally I don't need nor want rules. Nor do I want my husband "requiring" things of me, telling me what to do and how to do it, etc. In fact, I have banquished my husband from my kitchen after he tried to tell me how to run it. I am not a mindless child who needs to be told what to do and how to do things. I find that demeaning. I am a very competent adult. However, I do need to know that my husband cares about me and he is not afraid to demonstrate his concern for me if he feels I am moving in the wrong direction. I don't want a wimp who is afraid to express his concern and exert his concern if he feels he needs to. If I know my husband cares, I feel free and like I am on top of the world as a woman. I am not a young pretty girl in my 20's, but when I feel truly cared for, I feel like the most beautiful woman in the world and I want to give everything to my incredible husband.