Why do you consider such a wide variety of relationships to be Taken In Hand?

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Why do you consider such a wide variety of relationships to be Taken In Hand?

Readers often seem puzzled by articles I put up: these posts seem to those readers to be nothing to do with what those readers think Taken In Hand is about.

For example, many see Taken In Hand as being DD, some see it as D/s, and some assert that it is about BDSM – despite the fact that I have said that my grandparents had a Taken In Hand relationship and I am quite sure that my grandparents were not into BDSM or spanking, etc. A Taken In Hand relationship may have elements of those things or it might not.

Some think that Taken In Hand is exclusively about male-led relationships in which the man is a gentleman and would not dream of hitting his wife; others can't understand why I put up posts from individuals who think like that.

Some see it as a relationship between two strong individuals, with the man being stronger; of these individuals, some enjoy violent interactions, whereas others' dynamics are more about friendly psychological battling and less about physical battles.

Some readers speak of Taken In Hand as being about relationships between alpha males and alpha females; others think of Taken In Hand as being about traditional relationships. Some see it as being about TPE/‘absolute power’ relationships; to others, that is positively frightening; some like the “surrendered wife” idea; others are drawn to the Genesis 3:16 idea. And there are many more possible categories, and many differences even within each of these rough categories.

Why do I consider so many different types of relationship to be Taken In Hand? Because I think in terms of the underlying dynamics, not the overt form they take. (Ask yourself what relationships in all the above categories (though by no means all relationships in each category!) might have in common!)

See also:
What do all the different types of Taken In Hand relationship have in common?
The subjection of women
Who says you have to be submissive?
The sexuality of ‘non-sexual’ dominance
Is a Taken In Hand relationship for everyone?
Domestic discipline (DD)
The importance of conquest
Linguistically submissive
The resistant woman
Asserting dominance physically forcefully

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2005 Sep 17 - 09:04 | login or register to post comments | latest article | previous article | next article |

There is something almost com

There is something almost comforting about traditional relationships, I am learning. Before, having to have all the answers and always being strong as a female, was wearing. Now, I learn the strength of the man is nice to fold in to. I find a security that is so appealing.

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2005 Sep 17 - 17:29 | login or register to post comments

I totally agree

Your comment on a strong female always having to make decisions makes you weary. I am an alpha female (for the most part) and it seems that because of this I have many times attracted men who are very sweet, loving, soft, tender, soft spoken and I fall for them because of these qualities. What I find out later though, is that these men are not assertive in the real world, they have a tough time negotiating, making decisions, confronting issues, setting boundaries and want me to do these things for them 'us'. I don't like to fight yet I have no problem with confrontation or standing my ground. These men have problems with the smallest things like being responsible with money, getting to places on time, dressing themselves and like the fact that I can do all of this. What happens though, is that over, time I become EXHAUSTED having to take care of everything and work, and clean the house (because they just can't seem to get around to it)...then when I start to get bossy about them doing things,,,they actually like it and will get things done 'for a few days' then revert to their old ways. I think they want a dominatrix! Then another interesting phenomenon happens...I begin to see my partners as little boys who need a mother and I lose interest in them sexually. I lose respect and admiration for them and I've even gone so far as to get so frustrated that I have slapped one across the face...with the intention of belittling him as I had felt completely used up. I cannot surrender and be feminine with a man like this....I cannot seem to even wear alot of feminine or revealing clothing when with these men, as I feel the need to dress in power suits and pants so that I appear more authoritative to society.

This is how I have come to realize that although I do struggle with some Alpha men...I don't like being bossed around or told what to wear, etc...but when a man is a true gentleman yet knows himself and sets his personal boundaries and people KNOW that they cannot pull the wool over his eyes, I become in AWE of him. If we are having an argument, and a man politely says 'enough...I'm not talking about this anymore', I feel a certain respect and if I haven't resolved the issue, I will write him a respectful letter to get closure. I have been with men who are slighty possessive and intense lovers, and want to know where I am 24/7, and unless they are truly mentally disturbed stalkers, I find this very erotic, like this man is letting people know that I am his woman, don't mess with me or you will hear from him, and he wants me by his side and gives a damn if I am running behind schedule.

So, I guess I am looking to be 'takeninhand'...although not sure about the spanking thing!!

by Jeanna Cooper on 2006 Jul 19 - 20:04 | login or register to post comments

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