New to the site?ArticlesDon't miss these pagesReader discussionsSubmit an article!Technical & adminUser loginNavigationTaken in Hand articles
Taken In Hand accolades“[S]ince the day I [discovered Taken In Hand] I have rediscovered my feminity.” “[Taken In Hand is] a necessary read... Very complex, lots of power shifts, combining respect with pain, and pleasure. Domination roles. Submissive roles. The whole shebang. I'm glad I found it.” “Taken In Hand... is the name of a website that I discovered less than two years ago and which made a big difference to my life. It made me understand what it was I wanted and helped me to come to terms with my own feelings and gave me the impetus to talk seriously to my husband about our relationship for the first time ever really. The site is about male-led relationships which do not necessarily have to involve spanking. The owner of the site is more interested in other aspects of male control. There are a lot of interesting articles on the site.” “Taken In Hand is male led but male intimately led. ... I do like the Taken In Hand focus on family and the focus that marriage is between one man and one woman. That is actually very important to me.” “[I]n Taken In Hand, I am enhancing and extending my power as a woman, and enriching my life and personality. I give up NOTHING, and gain the world.... [M]y perception of Taken In Hand is that there are few other venues that can compare for teaching men the responsible, healthy uses of power. It gives men skills and confidence they can use not just in their sexual relationships, but also with their children, in their professions, and out in the community. Taken In Hand requires a far higher level of courage, sacrifice, responsibility, and personal integrity than many so-called ‘doms’ will even think to aspire to.” “Taken In Hand is about having the man in charge because you like it like that, it's not about blind obedience or never having your own way about anything.” “I feel the best spanking site is Taken in Hand. I have referred hundreds of people to that site and have the link on my Yahoo profile.” “First of all, all you guys should check out this website, www.takeninhand.com, very interesting stuff here, check out the Commanding Presence [and] Alpha Males articles, [...] very valuable insights. [...] I'm taken by this site.” “[U]ntil 2 days ago I thought I was a crazy, ... abnormal “I enjoyed [Taken In Hand] very much and I recommend that everyone here visits it.” “Taken In Hand is serious about the nature of male-female relationships, dominance, submission (not the leather-and-stud kind), in way I find exhilarating, honest, refreshing, courageous, and exciting.” “Taken In Hand: Fascinating BDSM blog that deals with difficult and hot topics!” “The Taken in Hand website has proven to be a valuable source for intelligent and well thought out articles exploring [male-led relationships]. [...] For women who have longed for a relationship such as this and have no idea where to start, this is a great site for you. For men that want to better understand the whole concept from a women’s point of view, this site is a must read.” “It's a great site.” “If you think my perspective on dating isn't politically correct you should go read Taken In Hand. [It has] posts with titles like, When rape is a gift. You go, girl. Defy those hairy-armpitted feminists and enjoy yourself. :)” “great site.” “There are lots of websites for people in the BDSM, D/s, DD (domestic discipline) and spanking communities. There are websites for people who belong to religions that advocate male-head-of-household marriage. There are even websites for Christians who are interested in BDSM. But there are very few websites for people who are interested in male-led intimate relationships but who are not interested in all that the above communities associate with this kind of relationship (jargon, clothes, etc.) “[Taken In Hand] is really the most beautiful website devoted to DD.” “[Taken In Hand] is my major kink” “[Taken In Hand is an] erudite and intelligent site” “[Taken In Hand is a]n excellent site with many thought-provoking articles and responses.” “[Taken In Hand is] one of the most exciting sites on the internet!” “[T]he whole damn site really is one of the most well articulated (pro/con) loaded blogs I've seen. It provides a cross section of how people are feeling out there even amongst those who are ‘seemingly’ natural allies.” “As I view it, I'm a control freak. I love to be in control. However, I fantasize about that control being stripped from me and handed over to someone else....namely, my husband. I'm just glad I found a site that makes me realize I'm not a freak for wanting to be dominated” “I was delighted to receive word of Taken In Hand. ... a very thoughtful and well-written group blog. ... I'm looking forward to reading through this blog the way I look forward to reading a new novel by a favorite author. It looks that good.” “Wow. This site is so amazing.” ““[Taken In Hand is] a wonderful website ... from a MaleDom/femsub perspective ... [I]t's about the interpersonal dynamics of loving relationships where the man is the boss. [I]t's assumed that both partners are in it because that's what they want and have chosen. Also, unlike many other ‘traditional marriage’ sites, it's not coming from any sort of biblical perspective. ... Some of the best writing I've seen on these topics, from a variety of authors.” “[Taken In Hand is] a brill resource.... for info articles... and real life experiences” “A very cool site” “Thank you for providing such a positive, validating place for like-minded people to talk about this in a way that affirms the dignity of both men and women” “a great site” “an exremely high quality site... I highly recommend [Taken In Hand].” “fantastic site” “Intéressant à lire” “Un site remarquable” “[Y]our site rocks!” “Visit Taken in Hand for a lot of good thoughts. I think you'll find them useful even if you don't use corporal punishment.” “a wonderful site” “the best there is” “The answer to every single discussion is there. Best piece of text I read ever...And it rings SO true.” “What a wonderful website. ... [S]o much of this I can relate to my life. ... It has been a while since I have read a website that was ‘different’ than most.” “GREAT site” “Website of the Month” Other |
DD relationships - the view of a mental health professionalI am a mental health professional who has worked in the field for ten years, specializing in trauma related to abuse and maltreatment. I have stopped contributing to forums because I got tired of feeling like those who wanted to save people from themselves were getting too much air time, which left me feeling an uneasy combination of boredom, frustration, and defensiveness (three things I like to limit as much as possible in my life). I rarely try to explain Joe's and my relationship to one another, even to our own friends. What they see is a ridiculously passionate couple (after a few years together, that has not quelled) who are very happy – and I do get questions about that... what keeps us so enthralled with each other, etc. But, can I say that DD is what creates the magic? No, it's really only a part of things, and I think that what really makes us a strong, committed and loving couple is that we share a common vision of what life is about for us as individuals and as a couple. For one thing, we both are committed to our social values, to making a contribution to the lives of others, to nature and exploration, and to spending our time in a balanced way that includes working separately and together, enjoying each other and our friends, and making sure we set aside time for rest, pleasure and fun. We represent many things to each other on many different levels, so we do not feel stuck like an old record in being only one way all the time. Sometimes, we both go full-on into working-bee mode, when we hardly know that the other exists for hours and days; but, we make sure we touch base with each other and give an affectionate peck and caress as we can. Other times, we shut down everything and take off to the mountains for a few days of fully-engrossed talking and love-making. Then, there are quiet winter weekends, such as now, where we cuddle up inside the house, flounce on each other and read for hours on end or watch old movies. DD is an undercurrent in our relationship that sometimes comes fully to the surface, but as we get closer and closer, we have found that we live in an intimate harmony that rarely requires the use of real corporal punishment. That doesn't mean we have cut back on use of hands, paddles and straps, though! ;-) I can really only speak about how it works for us, as I am pretty out of the loop with other couples' private lives other than those whom I see in my therapy practice, whom I do not discuss. I do know some friends of ours tried DD on for size, and both felt that it did not suit them as individuals or as a couple. I am not interested in recruiting people to our lifestyle. The woman in this couple thinks that Joe and I are “the perfect couple,” and they decided to try DD themselves. When it didn't feel good for them, I said, “So why do it?” They didn't persist. My “subjugation” has not ramped up over time, as some might think it would. Joe does not increase his demands on me. We found a level of control/autonomy that works for us, and we hover around that level, rarely varying much from it in either direction. However, it is true that in a bad relationship the demands could keep mounting until a woman's full subjugation was achieved. I see this happen in marriages that have no DD framework, and I consider it abusive. I work with one strong and true principle, which is to trust people to consider for themselves what they most want and need, and to help them figure out how to achieve that. I think that, if I am going to argue that self-actualization is an important goal (and I believe it is), then I need not to act as the “expert” who knows what “normal” looks like, and who tells others that they need to raise their game to live up to my idea of normalcy and good mental hygiene. That's another type of social control. As a clinician, I ask myself a few guiding questions: Is this person living the life they want to be living? Are they living according to their own principles? How high is their level of functioning (a low level of functioning is definitely a sign of a struggle with mental or physical health)? Is anyone else being physically or mentally injured by this person or family system? If a woman is not displaying clinically significant symptoms, and is not seeking a mental health professional's help for her life, I do not feel that I have a right to tell her what's good for her. It is her right to explore and find that out for herself, in my opinion, as long as she is causing no direct harm to others. For some couples, undoubtedly DD is a way for the woman to submerge her individuality and fuse into the man in a very enmeshed way that is not very healthy. Can it have addictive properties? Sure. How many couples are using it this way, I have no idea. However, most of the people I remember from DD lists are couples in which the female partner is working and has her own life going on. I think it's hard to isolate a woman like that, because she will have her own work, her own friends, and her own sense of self as an individual, and as a member of a couple, but not as solely an appendage of a man. Where you are dealing with a woman who has an abuse history, a poorly developed sense of self, low confidence, an inability to negotiate boundaries between herself and others, and an external locus of control, yes, you are asking for trouble ... however, maybe she needs to go down that road before she can figure out that it isn't the path to healing she thought it could be (at the end of the day, there is not really such a thing as the relationship that saves us from ourselves). Taken In Hand Tour start | next Have you seen the following articles? Is Taken In Hand bad for women who were abused in childhood? Taken In Hand - the view of a psychiatrist Abusive men: Hedda Nussbaum's list of red flags The carrot or the stick? Taken In Hand means different things to different people The man ordering for the woman in restaurants Is the man's authority real if consent can be revoked? What works for us What women don't want Barbie is the doll, Ken is just an accessory. 2007 Jul 22 - 16:57 | login or register to post comments | latest article | previous article | next article | permanent link
|