What is a Taken In Hand relationship? Here is one answer.

[Editor's note: This is an FAQ question; please bear that in mind when posting on this thread. Ensure that your post answers the question. It is fine to write about what Taken In Hand is for you personally, but more general answers to the question (or answers containing more general information) would be particularly appreciated. Click here for the FAQ index.]

What is a Taken In Hand relationship?

[This particular answer was written specifically for folk coming from a BDSM / D/s / M/s / TPE perspective, and should not be taken to be a general answer aimed at anyone else. - Editor]

The Taken In Hand relationship is a consciously and consensually male-controlled sexually and socially exclusive monogamous relationship in which the man's power is real and for the purpose of creating a deeply connected, fully engaged relationship with a white-hot sexual connection. How the man expresses his control is an individual matter, but it is for the benefit of the relationship rather than being purely self-serving. The Taken In Hand woman responds positively to her man's control.

Some Taken In Hand couples think of themselves as conventional and tend to be unfamiliar with or turned-off by BDSM literature, perhaps because of its exotic language, customs and rituals. Others think of themselves as being very far out along the flat of the Bell curve in one way or another.

Many Taken In Hand couples think of what they are doing as being more about the conventional idea of the man wearing the trousers in the relationship, than about anything kinky. Indeed, Taken In Hand can sound boringly conservative and conventional to anyone with a penchant for some of the more elaborate, painful, ritualistic, theatrical, humiliating SM or D/s practices.

On the other hand, Taken In Hand often seems hardcore, extreme, dangerous and scary to anyone who doesn't like the idea of the man's control being real instead of stylised or confined to set times and negotiated scenes. To put Taken In Hand in perspective in BDSM terms, perhaps Taken In Hand meets BDSM at TPE.

See also:
What you need to know about Taken In Hand
Could this kind of relationship be for you?
What Taken In Hand is, and what it is not
Is this really consensual?
The erotic power of the unshackled man
The dance of consent
He's in charge. . . but I do it my way
Taken In Hand means different things to different people
An alpha female bares her throat only to her mate
Power connectivity

FAQ index

Take the Taken In Hand tour

Request For Help Explaining

I want to e-mail the guy I'm dating & give him the URL of a page explaining Taken In Hand but I dont want to send him a URL that explains Taken In Hand in terms of BDSM. Is there another page that explains it for more conservative folks or for those that you don't know if they know about BDSM? If anybody that's reading this would care to explain Taken In Hand for more conservative folks that would be appreciated.

Learn what you want, then tell him personally.

I suggest that before relying on a web page to tell him what you want out of a relationship with him, you take a read of this forum question and debate: How to tell him you want a Taken In Hand relationship.

Taken In Hand can mean very different relationships. There's anything from those wanting to be mildly traditional housewives through to those with a need for regular violent sex. You need to give him a clear message, allowing room for his own desires to show through.

Traditional housewives don't need regular sex?

[This will definitely be deleted -- it is not answering the question.]

Traditional housewives don't have a need for regular violent sex? 8-)

But to the previous poster: might KrosRogue's very short explanation in Biblical terms help? A brief introduction to Taken In Hand

Regular violent sex

Speaking as a not very traditional housewife, I like regular sex,but don't care for it to be particularly violent, I prefer the violence to come before the sex.

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