Getting it right takes time

It has been almost a month since I brought up the idea of taken in hand to my hubby. We came from a place where the intimate portions of our marriage had gone stale: we were great friends and only occasional lovers. Three children, two busy demanding businesses and 4 horses kept us focused on everything but one another.

I have always had ravishment fantasies. I wouldn't call that rape because I was and am willing. I have never been raped, but I was attacked once and I would never wish for that to happen to me. Do I want for my wonderful husband to come home and push me on to the kitchen table face down, pull down my pants and take me? Yes! Absolutely! [she says with a big grin]

Searching the net in an effort to understand my fantasies is how I found Taken In Hand. In reading here, I realized that I craved much more than a simple fullfillment of a fantasy. I wanted to feel his control and guidance in everything, every day. I am very much my own person and am perfectly capable of doing anything, but that has nothing to do with my emotional needs. Having him lead this way, I feel cocooned and safe. I was scared of the world around me, but I was scared of losing him. We were losing each other little by little.

In the beginning, I was so eager to feel his authority I was pushy and overly communicative. But my wonderful husband took it in stride. He listened to every rambling thought I shared, he read everything I wrote for him to read. I think he knew that for me, anywhere but where we came from was better. He told me several times, “I don't think this will happen overnight”. I was so very scared that if I didn't push it along, things would go back to where they were before. It wasn't terrible before: we weren't uphappy before but we were just co-existing with amicable kisses in the morning and at night and the occasional obligatory sex session.

Until now, despite everything I have read, I didn't get it right. But now I think I understand the journey, I understand my needs and where they come from. I still may not understand why. I do know that I feel safe and less vulnerable and less defensive under his guidance. I feel cherished, loved and more desired than I have felt in a very long time. I feel fully loved and fully surrendered to him sexually. This way of life has helped me get rid of some demons that kept us from fully experiencing everything we should be able to enjoy together. I am accepting of what little discipline he chooses for me and finding myself calmer and more reassured because of it.

So for those of you reading this who are new to Taken In Hand, don't be in a hurry. Sort it out slowly and search yourself honestly, and you will find and understand your desires. Taken In Hand helps any conflicts dissolve and it makes the connection much much deeper.

Tess

Taken In Hand Tour start | next

Have you seen the following articles?
When rape is a gift
Give the right impression?
Practical hints for men - handling a strong woman
Is there consent?
Out of control, insane, driven by our emotions? No way!
Women want men who are more dominant
How can a strong woman signal her submissiveness?
Don't forget your whip
Happy living in fear of a man?!
Is she afraid of losing control? Topping from the bottom?

2005 Jun 30 - 17:43 | login or register to post comments | latest article | previous article | next article |

Very true

This article is very truthful and informative for those who are new to a Taken in Hand relationship. Communication, time and trust are vital. An understanding and open-minded partner are also vital. It a wonderful way of life and there comes a great deal of fullfillment to both people.

And to Tess, a well-written article, very graceful and true. I'm so happy that you and your husband have found and committed to such a lifestyle.

by Llama on 2005 Jun 30 - 20:51 | login or register to post comments

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