Taken In Hand - intimacy and romance

This Valentine's Day I took my wife out for dinner. Not only was it Valentine's Day, but it is also the anniversary of the day I proposed marriage to my sweetie. As we sat down to dinner, I couldn't help but notice all the other couples sitting in the restaurant. Some of the younger ones spoke quietly, smiling at each other and seemed to be genuinely in love. Then there were the other older couples, who, except for a few exchanges sat there in silence, lost in their thoughts, looking around the room, appearing to be bored.

I really have no idea what they were experiencing, but I couldn't help reflecting on my own relationship. How new and fresh it felt. In my mind there was no one in the room more beautiful than my wife. She was wearing a close fitting, but not tight, black dress and the ruby earrings I had given her for Christmas. On this night she wore her shoulder length hair up on her head with a few wisps of hair curling around her ears. She looked fantastic!

After we left the restaurant we walked hand in hand down the street, occasionally exchanging a kiss, happy to be in each other's company. And this feeling was not just because it was a special day. It is something I experience almost every day. It always brings a smile to my face when I first see my wife after a day's work is done. I love coming in through the door, seeing her face, giving her a smooch, and a pat on her behind. (All right, maybe several pats on the her behind, but who is counting?)

The love and desire we have for each other remains strong after almost seven years of marriage. Could that be a result of me taking her in hand? I really think so. I am not discounting other factors of attraction and compatibility, which are essential for a good relationship. Of course, there are many couples whose love has endured over the years without them ever having had a Taken In Hand relationship. But I truly believe when a man possesses the confidence and authority to take his woman in hand it creates an intimacy like none other I ever experienced. This intimacy grows out of the kind of respect and trust that I think is inherent in a relationship where the man knows that she belongs to him and she loves the feeling of being his woman.

Through our growing intimacy we have come to understand the genuine need we have for each other. In a recent conversation with an online friend, she asked why is it that people do not want to admit that they have a need for another person? She pointed out that when looking at internet personals how often she reads that a man or a woman is looking for an “independent” type, one who will respect their space, as if it is too much to admit the longing we all have for intimacy. Is our independence and self-reliance so valuable that we can't admit to a most basic need common to us all?

As many of us know, when a man confidently leads and his woman gracefully submits they discover what so many in this world want – the intimacy of a lasting romance. This is what taking my wife in hand has done for us.

Stephen

Taken In Hand Tour start | next

Have you seen the following articles?
Liberated through submission
Is this really consensual?
Domestic discipline (DD)
Why did it take us 20 years?
Communication, consent and connection
Love and fear
Being able to be open and honest about my feelings
Is there consent?
I want... to be possessed
Dealing with a man who doesn't do as he's told

2005 Feb 16 - 17:45 | login or register to post comments | latest article | previous article | next article |

After 22 years of marriage, my husband adores me

After twenty-two years of marriage, I still adore being with my husband and he with me. We experience a kind of mourning when he leaves each day for work and cherish every minute of our weekends together. This has been true for most of our lives together, but since beginning a Taken In Hand relationship, the intimacy is greater still. He has always loved me deeply, but now he seems to absolutely ADORE me--and I him. It's funny. I just wrote on another post about having to spend several hundred dollars for a sitter for four days--but it is SO worth it! Even though we're going to see family, I am still excited about being by his side in the car for ten hours and just talking and holding hands.

It is interesting that Stephen and his wife have been together seven years. I remember the seventh year as being one of the most difficult years of our marriage. We were new parents and I had no notion of how to be a submissive wife. We traded that demanding baby back and forth like a hot potato and built up resentment and anger toward each other. Although I've never been one for regret, I sometimes do long to go back and start over my marriage knowing what I know now! Charlotte

by Charlotte on 2005 Feb 16 - 19:51 | login or register to post comments

Going back in time

We`ve also been married for 22 years and I`ve had the same thoughts many times, that I would like to go back in time so we could live our lives the way we do now. However, I'm glad that things have changed because for many couples it never changes and they either stay together and are unhappy for the rest of their lifes or they end up getting a divorce.

When I watch my friends and how disrespectful they talk to their husbands and then complain about what whimps they're married to I'm so happy that I've changed and that my husband had enough willpower to do this with me. Those men just gave up and their women don't let them be real men and then turn around and complain about it.

by Autumn on 2005 Feb 18 - 07:30 | login or register to post comments

The overbearing wife

When I watch my friends and how disrespectful they talk to their husbands and then complain about what whimps they're married to I'm so happy that I've changed and that my husband had enough willpower to do this with me. Those men just gave up and their women don't let them be real men and then turn around and complain about it.

This is an interesting comment Autumn. Just the other day my wife was making the same observation about some of her friends. We have been at social gatherings where we have both observed wives being rude toward their husbands. It is a very awkward moment because you can plainly see that the husband is embarrassed. Yet, the woman continues to chatter on anyway ignoring her husbands obvious discomfort. On the ride home my outraged wife will say that what she needs is a good old fashio spanking.

Of course a simple spanking is not going to change the dynamics of a marriage gone bad. But we see this again and again where the husband does not know how to handle an overbearing wife. One common response among men who have such a wife is to withdraw from the relationship. It is quite sad. I do not know the reason why some men will choose withdrawal over engagement. I can only sepculate.

My wife has told me that when her friends ask why our marriage seems so good, she will honestly answer, because he knows how to handle me. Of course she does not offer details of what that means. But they can not help but notice how well she treats me and I her. I really belive that most women end up despising or at least lose respect for their husbands when they do not stand up to them. Some women would prefer a good fight rather than have him retreat to his shop or the TV. I don't know what the answer is, but I know how fortunate I am to have a wife who honors me with her respect.

by Stephen on 2005 Feb 18 - 13:19 | login or register to post comments

Re: The overbearing wife

We know a couple who was having problems with each other and they were over our house for a couple of drinks about a year ago. When the men stepped outside for some fresh air the guy asked my husband what we do different because we seem so happy with each other. My husband told him a few things about our relationship and gave him the advice to take her in hand. A few months later we went out with them and they seemed a lot happier with each other. I don`t know exactly what happened but I can only figure that he took some of my husband's advice. Again a few months later the guy told my husband that they were having problems again because he said: "She`s getting into her old ways again". My husband then asked him: "Why do you let her?"

All I know is, I`m glad my husband doesn`t let me walk all over him and treat him like dirt. He sure deserves better and our friend doesn`t deserve to be treated the way his wife treats him. The way she talks to him sometimes, I think my husband would spank me right then and there with everybody watching. I would not even think about talking to him that way. I respect him to much to make him look like a fool in front of others.

by Autumn on 2005 Feb 18 - 15:23 | login or register to post comments

The Overbearing Wife

Well, but just because you aren't allowed to speak that way, does that make the feeling go away or does it just get swept under a rug?

Something is the matter if a spouse is treating the other with contempt in front of others. (This goes both ways).

I don't think it's just a question of their husbands not standing up to them. There is a big dissatisfaction in the marriage or they would not be talking spitefully about their husbands.

I also don't think it is simply a question of wives being "allowed" to get away with it, because if things were good between them they wouldn't be wanting to say those things.

"Pat"

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2005 Feb 19 - 04:26 | login or register to post comments

The way I see it

It`s not just that I`m not allowed to speak that way, I just simply wouldn`t do it because I believe that my husband deserves the respect I give him.

Not one problem in our relationship gets swept under the rug, I can talk to him about anything and everything. If he does something that upsets me I will ask him the reason why and he always gives me an answer. I accept his reasons even if I think he was wrong -- nobody`s perfect and I wanted this kind of relationship so I just live with the fact that things don`t always go my way and that his decision rules over mine.

If he thinks he was wrong he will apoligize to me. But we both see no reason why such problems have to be talked over in front of friends and I certainly wouldn`t have a reason to talk to him in any disrespectful way -- not in front of friends or any other time.

I believe that our friends sweep their problems under the rug, because the woman is bitching about little things like him bringing her a glass of red wine instead of white whine or that the restaurant he wants to take her to on Valentine's Day isn`t romantic enough, while the actual problem that makes her so dissatisfied doesn`t get talked about.

In the same situation I would say things like:"Thank you for bringing me a glass of wine, I haven`t tried red wine in ages". And if I wouldn´t like it I would ask him if he would mind openening up a bottle of white wine. Instead she said to him: "You can drink that yourself, you know I don`t like red wine!"

With the restaurant, I would ask him to take me to a more romantic restaurant or I would deal with the one he wants to go to, after all the most important thing is going out together and enjoying each other's company not what restaurant we go to.

Our friend said to her husband:"How can you even think about taking me to that kind of restaurant on Vatentine's day -- you`re so unromatic". For heavens sake, he`s a man and they are different when it comes to romance, he was probably just thinking about the food or the price and not how romantic the restaurant is. I believe too many women want their husbands to think exactly the way they do and that is just not possible. For a lot of men romance is not as important as it is to women. It took me a while to accept that too. For instance while I love romantic poems, he just simply thinks they`re too mushy and he rather reads a good joke, where a lot of times when he showes them to me online I don`t even think they`re funny.

by Autumn on 2005 Feb 19 - 08:47 | login or register to post comments

Disrespect in front of others

I rarely see wives dissing their husbands in front of anyone else, there's only one couple that comes to mind. I have done it only once that I can think of during a very stressful time.

I stand by my statement that it isn't something that happens simply because the wives aren't spanked for it. It shows a problem in the relationship, and you, Autumn, corroborated that.

Of course making a big deal about being brought the wrong type of wine or being taken to an unromantic restaurant shows an underlying problem. Probably the wife feels he does not listen to her wants, and thinks that if she shames him in front of other people he will take her desires more seriously.

It takes two to tango. The wife may be in the wrong for making it a public issue. But chances are good that the husband is unresponsive and not attentive enough.

"Pat"

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2005 Feb 20 - 03:18 | login or register to post comments

I'm not sure it is always a r

I'm not sure it is always a result of a mutual problem in the relationship. Every relationship has some problems, but not every woman feels the need to address them publicly. I am proud of my boyfriend. I want others to be happy that I have found a man that I love and who loves me, not feel sorry for me because I have made them see my boyfriend as an insensitive bumbling idiot who never listens to me. If I feel my needs are not being listened to I can address it with him privately, and it has always worked.

The women I know who constantly bad mouth their husbands tend to bad mouth everyone. No one seems to live up to their standards. I had a friend who constantly bad mouthed others to me and I asked her point blank one day what she said to them about me when I wasn't around. She didn't really respond, but at least I was spared hearing how awful everyone she made acquaintance with was. Some women (as well as men I'm sure)just aren't happy unless they have something to complain about.

by cj on 2005 Feb 20 - 14:46 | login or register to post comments

Complaining nags

So true cj! I have known a few people, mostly women-sorry!, who do nothing but complain about everything! No one ever seems to meet their standards and nothing seems to be good enough.

I understand that it's from an underlying problem, such as low self esteem. When people feel inferior to others, they tend to point out others' flaws and disrespect them.

But, that is absolutely no excuse to openly criticize anyone, especially the man you profess to love! There is nothing wrong with talking about problems, but you must do it privately!

I have a wonderful relationship with my husband. I want to look up to him as a strong, but kind and loving, man. I don't want to tear him down to others. That doesn't mean that I don't tell him when I've been hurt or upset. He listens to me because I try to always give him the respect and obedience he deserves.

Before you complain about your man, try really, really loving and respecting him first! It sure has worked for our Taken in Hand relationship!

by babydoll on 2005 Feb 20 - 21:13 | login or register to post comments

Law of Attraction

There is a law of attraction that says you bring into your life what you put attention on. Since I don't take much notice of people who complain about everything and put their husbands down in public, I have very few of them in my life.

By the same token if you put attention on what a great guy your husband is, you bring out those qualities more in him. The same works for the way he sees you.

"Pat"

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2005 Feb 21 - 02:08 | login or register to post comments

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.