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Xander and Oz looked at each other, bewildered. I didn't blame them, I was a bit confused myself. It was almost as if Giles and I were speaking to each other in silence. Like we knew what the other was thinking... Like we knew what Buffy was thinking. It was a scary sensation.
Giles snapped back to reality first. "Okay, Willow. Try Los Angeles. I have a feeling. You did say big city, no?" I nodded. "All right, then. Now for names. Something simple. She'll not be wanting people to remember her. Ah, let's see... Mary, Anne, Jane, Sue."
I typed them in. An Anne Winters came up on the screen, having *just* checked into the NightStop Motel. I shuddered at the sleazy name, it was obviously a bad place. The address in the downtown area confirmed my thought. I nodded at Giles. "That's her."
"I know, I can feel it, too." We all looked at him quizzically. I was confused enough knowing what she was feeling, I didn't see how Giles could be doing it also. He noticed us staring at him.
"Oh, it's perfectly normal. It's The Bond." We waited. "Oh, ah, The Bond," he elaborated. "It's something that every Slayer has with her Watcher. Not strong most of the time, but it binds them together. That's how I know. That's why a lot of the Slayers and Watchers used to... ah, um..." He stopped speaking abruptly, and I had to stifle a laugh, even in the seriousness of the mood. Xander tried to lighten things, perhaps realizing that the more tense we were, the more unlikely it was we would find Buffy.
He gave a low whistle. "Wow. The Librarian has a Tiger side. We never knew about your feelings for Buffy!" I grinned. Giles blushed promptly.
"Of course not, don't be foolish. It's simply that The Bond brings people closer together. I said that it happened in the past, don't read into my words." Despite himself, I saw a slight smile flickering at the edges of his lips. He knew what Xander was trying to do, too. "This is beside the point. All right, I will go down there to find her. We need her back here. And if we do the ceremony on time, it's very possible that we could bring Angel back as well." Xander flinched.
"I'm going with you, Giles." Xander's voice was very soft, but the tone he used booked no room for argument. I argued, anyway. Not like I have anything to lose. My heart constricted suddenly at that particular thought for some reason. I felt Buffy in it. I shook off the feeling and spoke.
"No, Xander, you're not." He opened his mouth to disagree with me and must have thought better of it, seeing the look on my face. His mouth shut with a click. "I'm going." Everyone looked at me like I was insane for a moment before all talking at once.
"What, are you insane??" Xander yelled.
"What are you thinking, Willow? Seriously, what is going on in your mind?" Oz's jaw was practically on the floor.
"I don't think so, young lady. That last thing we need is--" Giles started.
"SHUT UP!" They shut up. Sometimes I forget that I can be forceful. It always works, though. I try not to overuse it. The fact that I'm hardly ever like that is the exact reason it works so well. I glared up at each of them, and they all squirmed. I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing at the sight. Three men, all twiddling their thumbs under my hard gaze. Even Giles.
"I'm going," I repeated. "There is no way you can stop me. So I either go with you, Giles, or I find a way to go alone. I'm the one with the computer skills," I pointed out logically. "I'm the one who has been having this really strong connection with her. I'm going."
Giles slowly nodded his assent, knowing I was right. "All right. You go. But you rest most of the time." He looked at me, daring me to contradict him on that.
"Fine." No way was I going to go against him if he was letting me go. Part of me hadn't thought I would get that far. Oz squeezed my shoulder, and I looked at him.
"I'm going too." I smiled, not wanting to fight. I wanted him to go... I didn't want to be alone. Xander bobbed his head.
"Then I'm going." He quirked his mouth. "I don't want to be left out of this supreme field trip. Cordelia's going, too." He spoke for her immediately, and I didn't question him knowing what she would want. Though it stung my heart, I didn't question.
"I'm going." We turned to see the voice coming from the doorway. Of course she would go, I don't think any of us had doubted it. I took a closer look, and noticed that Joyce's eyes were bloodshot and watery. I regretted telling her what I had seen in my vision.
Cordelia came over to stand by Xander, and she leaned against his shoulder, clasping his hand. I looked away. Giles was talking, so I focused on him. I needed to focus on him and this whole trip. I needed to focus on Buffy.
"I think that if we explain to her that we can get Angel back, she'll come. I mean, we need her for the ceremony, so she'll have to come back." He was very right. The Hellmouth needed her here. Giles needed her here. I needed her here.
"Okay, then, the sooner we find her, the sooner we can finish this." I felt like I was saying a really cheesy line out of a really cheesy movie. Rolling my eyes for my own benefit, I continued. "Um, I have to get some things, and tell my mom. She won't like this, but oh well. Cordy, you stop by Xander's and your house to do the same, okay?" She bobbed her head quickly. "We'll all meet back here at a quarter till six. That gives us forty-five minutes."
I rechecked my watch. So many things had happened in the last twenty-four hours. My life had changed in so many ways, I couldn't begin to count. It seemed odd that so little time had gone by. And apparently, so much. I hadn't even noticed when the school bell rang.
I looked at Joyce, standing, not knowing what to do. "Joyce, why don't you go home and get a set of clothes. We probably won't be coming back until tomorrow, it's already getting late. Would you mind if we designate your Jeep as the official driving vehicle?"
"Oh, that's fine." She looked relieved at knowing what to do with herself.
"Then let's go." We left immediately
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I had been right. It had not been easy to persuade my mother to let me go, especially in my "weakened state" when I was obviously "delusional." It was hard telling her that I was going, no matter what she said to dissuade me. I've never been the disobedient type, and I could hardly manage it. I had to keep reminding myself that it was Buffy on the line. Her life. Her heart.
She finally gave in, trusting me if nothing else. I assured her that there would be teachers and adults on the "field trip," and that since Xander and Oz were going, they would most likely insist that I rest the entire time. Trust has never been an issue with my parents and me.
I packed my things quickly, only taking a pair of jeans, another shirt and my nightclothes. We wouldn't be gone for long, I felt sure of that. Oz honked his horn, and I grabbed my laptop on the way out of my room. I was healing quickly, the herbs I had taken hours ago were really helping. I got in my wheel chair, though, once downstairs as to not overly worry my mother.
Once in his van, I strapped myself in and gave him a quick kiss. My heart filled for a moment as I looked at him, and I was so grateful that I had such a forgiving, great guy as my boyfriend. He gave me a lopsided grin. And cute, too. We zoomed towards the school, getting there in record time, even though it was only five minutes away.
I bounded out and saw Xander's eyes bug at my unexpected energy. He and Cordelia smiled in unison. I was glad and sorrowful at the same time, to see how much their love had already grown since this happened. How they thought alike and felt the same things. It hurt. I looked up at Oz and smiled in time with him, though, and found the source of my happiness. I let a silly grin wash over my face. I never thought I would turn out to be the kind of person who was in love with two men. My life had turned out like a TV show. I giggled at the thought.
I saw a shadow pass over Xander's face as I was smiling at Oz. I was relieved, selfishly, that he felt the same that I did. That he knew that we were better together than apart. I gave myself a mental slap for thinking that way. If I continued, I would miss the specialness of what I had now while I had it.
Joyce and Giles drove up in her Jeep. They seemed to be having an animated conversation, and Joyce's eyebrows kept lifting as though she kept finding out something that she had not known before, each being more shocking than the last. I guessed that she was.
We piled into the vehicle. Giles looked over his shoulder to tell us what he and Joyce had been talking about. "I've just been relating to Buffy's mother at all of her...uh, escapades. The ones that more or less turned out for the better." That would account for the sort of dazed and proud smile on her face, I surmised.
Remaining silent, except for her brief laughing intervals, as Giles talked about the Ms. French thing, Joyce started driving for the interstate. Xander's blush got a deeper and deeper red as Giles continued relating the story, and we all took turns teasing him for what had happened. It helped us pass the lonely hours until we found Buffy. It helped us forget our fears.
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I woke up abruptly, startled at a dream I'd been having. A glass shattering against the wall... My mind struggled for the answer before letting it drift into the place where all dreams eventually go. I looked around, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. I lifted my head off my sleeping boyfriends shoulder to notice the silence. Very deep, and black, or would have been if you could give silence a color. It scared me a little until I heard Joyce speak in a hushed tone from the front seat.
"Mr. Giles nodded off a few minutes ago. I'm glad we're doing this, I want my daughter back, but I'm starting to wonder if you are all up to it." She glanced at me in the rearview mirror and I crawled up from the back to talk to her. I made a mental note to give Giles some of the Herbs I had taken-- I felt wonderful, if a little sleepy.
"Oh, I'm up to it. I'm definitely up to it. I'm up to anything that will help Buffy." I settled myself on the floor and notice a slight smile coming from Joyce's profile.
"Thank you." She spoke softly and continued before I could interrupt. "Thank you, Willow. It seems like you've been the best thing in my daughter's life. I can see how much you care for her, how much you all do, and I'm ashamed of myself that I've been so blind for so long. Two years...." Her voice started shaking.
"Can I tell you something?" I nodded before I realized that her eyes were on the road.
"Sure."
"I did the worst thing I've ever done in my life. Ever. I mean, I've done some things I'm not proud of, but this is so horrible that I can't even think about it without wanting to cry." I cringed, knowing something was coming, something that I would regret hearing later. I also felt strangely fascinated at the way she was talking to me. As if I was and adult. Or she was a teenager.
"Go on," I prodded gently, despite the little voice in my head telling me that I didn't want to know.
"I told her that if she left, she had better not think about coming back to the house," she admitted guiltily. I drew in a sharp breath at the pain I experienced at the simple statement. "I did that to her, made her make that choice. Willow, what kind of a mother am I? That I would have my daughter choose between me... and the world? Even now, I'm having so much trouble accepting this. But if I'm crazy, then are all of you as well? Would it be mass insanity?" She stopped speaking, as if waiting for my answer. I let the silence drift for a moment before talking.
"I know what you mean. It is insanity in a way, you know. I mean the part of having to realize something as truth that you were always taught to be a fairytale. Or maybe that's putting it too nicely. I don't know. But I do know that you're not a bad mother. Sure, You didn't know anything, but that's not all your fault. We have all-- every one of us here-- lied to you at some point in time. Whether it's been when we called about "homework" or dropped by to get something we left there. Most of the time it was vampire stuff. How could you have known?"
"But...." I cut off her weak protest, wanting to take the entire weight of her daughter's life on her shoulders.
"There's no buts. Now you know. It took you a little while to get used to, but now that you are, you'll accept it and let her do her duty. You'll understand about her life and give allowances for things she does, but you will still be her mom. And what you said to her, you didn't mean that. It hurt Buffy, I know it did, but I also know that she can't be the Slayer without being smart and understanding what people mean. I'm sure that she understood you, and that your words were simply spoken in anger and fear. Once she knows that you'll support her in this, I know things will get easier for you guys." I finished up and looked at her intently, aware that I was being watched in silence by Xander. I didn't look at him.
Joyce's lip quivered and her voice came out sounding so childlike that my heart broke. Childlike and scared. What kind of fear does it take to present a voice like that? "But I don't know if I can. I don't know if I can watch her go out every night to hunt demons... with the knowledge that she might not come back." She absently wiped a tear away with her hand. Xander put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed, helping me to find my voice and reply with and assurance that I didn't feel.
"You can. You can do this because you'll be doing it for Buffy." I reached up and patted his hand on my shoulder, and slowly shrugged it off. He obediently removed it and I heard a sad sigh behind me. Joyce nodded.
"I'll be doing it for Buffy." She drew in her breath excitedly. I finally took a look at our surroundings. We were there. She raised her voice to wake our still sleeping passengers as she pulled to the curb. "We're here." Giles sat upright immediately. I wondered if he has actually been asleep. Cordelia groaned and Oz yawned.
They took a minute to wake up and then opened the doors. The stench of the street hit me like a wall and I had to breathe slowly, through my mouth to leave the vehicle. I was scared. I was scared of how we would find Buffy. I was scared of what we would find in her that would make her choose a place like this. I didn't have to be scared for long. I found out.