Why is the Taken In Hand dynamic so powerful?

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We've been married a long time. When I started taking my wife in hand, it was as if someone had ignited a sexual nuclear bomb under us. We are a million times more aroused by each other than we have ever been. Why is the Taken In Hand dynamic so powerful?

For those drawn to this kind of relationship, a conventional equal relationship lacks something. It can be a bit grey, a bit stale, unexciting. Taking their relationship in a Taken In Hand direction brings vibrant colour and excitement to their lives. They connect at a deeper, more thrilling level. Sparks fly. Many report that they now feel that they are expressing a deep part of themselves to one another – a part that had previously lain dormant. Before, it may have felt as though they were going through the motions; now, they are seeing each other and connecting with each other on many different levels including at a level closer to their sexual core.

The husband in a taken in hand relationship feels more in control, more powerful, more manly even. He is free to be the man that he has always wanted to be but may have feared to be because we are all equal now. He has a means by which he can solve problems with his wife, nip fights in the bud, avoid emotional overload, and enjoy a thrilling sex life with the one he loves the most.

The wife in a taken in hand relationship feels excited by her husband's control. She now has a way of winning even when she is ‘losing’. She finds that little issues that seemed important enough to fight about before are no longer important. Her husband's control is a form of engagement, so if before she felt ignored or lonely, now she does not. She may be the least submissive woman you could ever meet, yet now she suddenly feels a desire to please her husband. She may have hated housework for 20 years and now suddenly she no longer finds it a burden and wants to do it for her more tidy husband. She may not have had that much interest in sex and now be thrilled and ready for it any time her husband wants it.

The Taken In Hand dynamic is powerful to the extent that it is an expression of the individuals' core personalities. If their sexualities are not this way inclined, Taken In Hand will do nothing for them, but if they are, it does indeed prove a very powerful connector, both sexually and otherwise.

Taken In Hand is (amongst other things) a way of using the sexual connection in solving a wide range of problems great and small in a marriage. It is a way of using the sexual connection to nurture and improve the relationship, which then makes it possible for the couple to solve an even greater range of probems.

Phyisologically, in my view, the reason sex is so powerful as a conduit by which to solve problems in a marriage is that it can channel stress and limbic system reactivity in a combination of both symathetic and parasympathetic nervous system activity that is ultimately soothing and pleasurable. When one's physiology is in this state one's thinking can be more rational than it would be were the limbic system reacting wildly and sending out fight-or-flight emergency messages that are hard to ignore.

2003 Sep 22 - 22:07 | login or register to post comments | latest article | previous article | next article |

I feel it is so powerful beca

I feel it is so powerful because it is the 'natural' roles for men and women. I believe most woman are highly aroused by what I call a "manly man", a man they know is not afraid to take control. Whether it be with them or other people in any given situation. I feel it empowers a man, makes him feel truly a man to be able to act on his natural instincts with no worries.

If we have a problem with a bill or something that has to be taken care of, I am not the one to do it. I do not know how to say no and get walked all over. To watch my husband deal with situations strongly and sternly is a huge turn on for me. To have him deal with me in this way is a bigger turn on. Just a look, or a word can melt me like heat does ice.

I used to fight these feeling of wanting to be taken care of, letting the man lead. A lot of baggage from how I was raised, that women don't need men, etc. No, I suppose we don't "need" them, but there is NOTHING wrong with wanting them and allowing them to lead us no matter what our mothers said.

I feel very taken care of, very pampered and very loved knowing my husband loves me enough to take the reins and lead our family. I am free to be who I am, a semi-submissive with a big bratty side who knows there are times I push the envelope too much and my hubby will rein me in when I can't rein myself in.

We are much happier, our entire family is much happier and I am aroused all the time it seems. Theres is no bigger turn on than a manly man for me.

by happy_wife on 2005 May 29 - 03:46 | login or register to post comments

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