//A friend is a friend
Nothing can change that
Arguments, squabbles
Can't break the contract
That each of you makes
To the death, to the end
Deliver you future
Into the hands the of your friend//
"A Friend is a Friend" by Pete Townshend
Sunnydale Library
January 14, 2018
He crept quietly into the library just after dusk, amazed at how much it still seemed the same, even after all these years. He stood silently in the stacks watching Willow pore through the musty books, laughing and joking with the slayer. Regret filled his heart. He didn't want to be the one to wipe the smile from her face. Taking an unnecessary deep breath he stepped into the light and was immediately knocked over by an angry Slayer.
"What do you want here demon?" she snarled as she prepared to shove a stake into his chest. Only Willow's quick shout of "Stop" prevented her from making the fatal plunge.
"Let him go, Claire. He's a friend of mine."
"You're friends with a vampire? Why didn't you tell me? What's he doing here?" For a second the slayer's excited speech reminded Angel of Buffy when he first met her. He closed his eyes as the thought of Buffy sent a fresh stab of pain through his chest.
"If you'll get off of him and be quiet for a second maybe he'll tell us."
With a perky "Sorry," Claire scrambled off Angel and went to stand protectively by her Watcher. Willow might claim him as a friend but as far as Claire was concerned he was still a vampire, a good-looking one, but a demon none the less.
Resignedly Angel climbed to his feet and stood before Willow. She looked at his disheveled appearance and then quickly glanced around the room. "Where's Buffy? Did she come with you?" A dark sense of foreboding began to take hold in her stomach as Angel continued to stand silently in front of her. "Angel, what's wrong? Where's Buffy?"
Angel slowly walked over to her and pushed her down into her chair. He knelt in front of her and took her hands, disregarding the warning looks being shot at him by the hostile slayer. "I'm sorry Willow, there's no easy way to say this. She's gone."
"Gone? What do you mean gone? You mean she ran away again? Why? What happened?" Willow's voice was confused but the realization of the truth was slowly appearing on her face.
He stood up and took the seat next to her. Twisting the two Claddagh rings on his finger, all the while wishing there was some way to spare her the grief to come, he began to speak. "Willow, she died last night. She's been pretty sick for a while, some kind of inoperable tumor in her head. That's why she came to find me, why I came home with her. I wanted her to tell you the truth but she didn't want you to see her like she was these past few weeks. She left a letter for you. Here." The words came out in a rush as if speaking them quickly would make them hurt less. When he finished he reached into his coat pocket and pulled out the letter.
Willow took the letter from him. For several long minutes she sat silently in the chair, grief plainly visible on her face. Claire stood beside her, uncertain of how to respond to the unfolding tragedy. She could almost feel sorry for the vampire before her; his face was a frozen mask of grief. It was apparent that his heart was broken. Deciding that discretion was the better tactic she laid her hand on Willow's shoulder. "I'll leave now. Call me if you need me. I'll just do a quick patrol and then head home."
Claire's words broke their reverie. Both Angel and Willow remembered another well loved voice speaking the same words many times before. Wiping a tear from her eye Willow opened the envelope and began to silently read. Angel stepped away to give her privacy to read the last message from her friend. He paced the library seeing Buffy's face in every corner, perched on the counter doing her nails, arguing with Giles as they sat around the table. Just as the memories threatened to overwhelm him he was saved by Willow's tear-filled voice.
"Have you read this?"
"No, she gave them to me sealed. I have some things she asked me to bring you out in the car."
"I know what 'things' you have in the car. She's finally getting me back." A rueful laugh quickly turned to a choked sob. Angel hurried over and took Willow into his arms. Together the two mourned their loss. After several minutes of heart-broken sobs, Willow pulled away and wiped the tears from her face. She picked the letter up off the table and handed it to Angel. "Here, read this. She spelled out her plans for you in there. I think you might want to know what they are." Looking down he began to read.
My Dearest Friend,
It's so hard to think of what to write. I don't have enough time or paper to write all the things you've been to me. When I first came to Sunnydale I was so alone. I didn't want to be the Slayer. I wanted a normal life, with friends and boyfriends, where the biggest decision was what to do on a Saturday night. Maybe having a normal boyfriend wasn't meant to be and my Saturday night plans usually involved saving the world but I had some of the greatest friends I could ever ask for. The six of you kept me sane when I wanted nothing more then to run screaming away from my destiny. There aren't enough words to thank you enough for everything you've given me and to apologize for not saying all this in person. I'm sorry for that but I needed to face this last fight on my own. I know you're most likely really angry with me now and I hate to ask you this one last favor. But it's so important Will. Please, please look after Angel for me. I lied when I said we met by accident. I went looking for him just to feel his arms around me one last time. He figured out the truth and that's why he was there when you and Oz came to visit. This is going to be so hard for him. I didn't want to hurt him. I didn't want him to watch me die but it looks like that's how it's going to be. You know him Will, you know he's liable to do something stupid like think this is all his fault. It's not. It's my body betraying me. It'll never ever be his fault. Put him to work in the library or backing up Claire. Just whatever you do please don't let him be alone. He's been alone far too long, we both have. Learn from us Willow. Treasure every second you get with Oz. Don't lose out like we did. I'll miss you so much.
Forever in friendship,
Buffy
P.S. The demon dogs are all yours again. Please give them lots of love and they'll return it tenfold. They've been the greatest source of happiness for me these last few years. I hope they can bring some of that same happiness to you.
He finished reading the letter and looked up at Willow. "I loved her so much." Willow's heart twisted at the sight of the pain on his face. Looking at him she realized that even though she had lost one of her best friends, he had lost his whole heart. She wasn't sure how he would be able to keep going but she would do her best to help him.
"Oh God, we have to tell Xander and Giles." Willow's face was pale as she considered the horrible news that needed to be passed on.
"I know, I have letters for both of them. I need to see Giles on my own though. There are things that need to be worked out just between the two of us. But would you go with me to see Xander and Cordelia? You know how he always felt about me. I don't think this is going to help. Besides, if I showed up on his doorstep now without you there for protection, he's liable to greet me with a stake through the heart." His voice was bleak as he considered facing the two other men in Buffy's life. He knew that their anger at her death was going to need a target and it would most likely be him.
"Okay, why don't we go now. We can't put this off. Xander should be home by now. We can stop by my house and leave off the dogs. Buffy always said that she would get me for those two. I guess it's payback time." With a small laugh Willow took Angel's hand and led him out the door. She was crying on the inside but determined to put on a brave front for Angel. His trepidation at seeing Xander was obvious to her and she wanted to do what she could to relieve his anxiety. He gave her a small, bitter smile and together they walked through the door.