* * * * * * *
"Shit!" Xander cursed loudly when he saw her red head unexpectedly disappear from view. < She saw it! She had to have seen it. She must have seen me say it. > The panic rising in his chest, he bolted towards the room. < Oh my GOD, I've killed her!! >
"And where do you think you're going Mr. Harris?" The nasal voice was followed by the sensation of an unusually strong grip on his arm.
Spinning, Xander came face to face with the Troll Man himself.
"And you seem to be in such a hurry? You didn't seem to be in all that much of a hurry to get to your English class now then did you?"
Gritting his teeth, Xander bit off a sarcastic remark. How on earth the little inbreed knew what class he had next was a mystery to him. The notion that the Principal had actually memorized his schedule was a plausible, if intensely disturbing, notion.
"Well, Mr. Harris, since you don't seem too interested in class, why don't you keep me company after school today?"
"Principal Sny-," he began desperately, darting a glance in the window of the computer room.
"And every day this week."
Abruptly, he clamped his mouth shut.
"Good. Now go to class."
Nodding, he headed back towards the computer room.
"English, Mr. Harris, English."
A forlorn look in his dark eyes, Xander turned and started heading in the opposite direction. In the split second he'd gotten a chance to glance through the window, he still hadn't seen her. For all he knew, she was lying unconscious on the ground or something. However, grinding his teeth together, he obeyed.
Until he was out of the Principal's line of vision, of course.
At that point, the dark haired boy waited a few minutes before doubling back and sneaking along the empty hallways through the second floor of the school before taking the stairs back down to the first.
His heart pounding in his chest, he reached the computer room…
It was empty.
****
"Willow?!"
Startled, the hacker looked up from her prone position on the floor.
"Holy cow! Are you, like, okay?"
Xander's words aside, the irony of this situation definitely should have killed her.
"Uhm. Yes."
"Do you want to go to the nurse or something? Like…I dunno. Do you need help? You're not gonna puke or something, are you?" Nervously, the dark haired girl, looked down at her brand new clogs and backed away slightly.
"No, Cordelia, I'm not." Sighing, Willow sat up weakly. A dull ache throbbed through her leg.
"Oh, okay, good. Here, let me help you up." Extending a well-manicured hand, the cheerleader helped to heft her off of the ground.
"Th-thanks," wincing, Willow leaned heavily against a desk to support her weight. Glancing over her shoulder out the window she noticed, with horror, that Xander wasn't alone.
< Ew. Snyder. >
"You wanna go to the nurse or something?"
Quickly, she turned back to Cordelia.
Wrinkling her nose, the red-head gingerly tested her injured leg. < OW! > Biting down on her lip, she mentally kicked herself for being so careless. "Actually, that'd probably be a good idea." < Why the hell is she being so nice to me? >
"Oh cool," Cordy nodded vigorously and took ahold of Willow's arm, "Geometry is SO boring. Now I can use my hall pass to go to the bathroom AND to kill some time taking you across campus to the nurses office…"
< There you go. > Shaking her head, Willow sighed, "Gee..thanks."
After several seconds of hobbling progression, Cordelia glanced at the window. "Hey, wasn't Xander just out there a second ago?"
Turning, Willow followed the other girl's gaze. Sure enough her best friend was gone.
The courtyard was empty.
****
The shrillness of the final bell cut through his mind and jolted him back to reality. He felt a dull pain right behind his eyes.
God, he had a headache.
Gathering up his few books and empty notebook, (like he could take notes at all this past period) and started down the hall.
Naturally, it had been impossible to concentrate at all throughout the day. Not with the knowledge that his girlfriend was limping around elsewhere within the school while he was stuck in stupid classes and couldn't help her.
These were one of those times that it was really irritating to be a senior. They didn't even have lunch together.
Hurriedly, Oz walked over to the computer room to pick her up so he could drive her home.
Oddly enough, she wasn't there.
< Well, I mean, she's injured, how far could she get? >
Cocking his head to one side he shrugged and started off towards the library, < Maybe she decided to make a pit stop to talk to Giles or Xander. >
"Hey, uhmmm….Oz?"
He'd recognize that voice anywhere. < Maybe if I pretend not to hear her, she'll just go away. >
"Oh yoohoo! OOZZZZZ!!"
Gritting his teeth, he started walking faster.
"Hey! Hey Oz!" Within seconds he felt a hand on his shoulder.
< Maybe not. >
Forcing a smile he finally turned around, "Oh…hey…Harmony. I-uh-I didn't hear you calling me."
"Oh that's okay! I just wanted to tell you what a GREAT job I thought Dingoes Ate My Baby did last Saturday."
"Hey, thanks, Harmony! You know, I hate to do this, but I really need to find my girlfr-,"
"And I'll totally be at your next gig too!"
He paused, "Uhm….terrific?"
"I've been to every one this year!"
"Oh wow, how wonderful, Harmony, that's really very…nice of you."
"It kinda makes me sound like a groupie, though, huh?" She let out an airy giggle.
He shook his head kindly, "No, not at all!" < It makes you sound like a stalker. >
"Oh cool, so I was..uhmm…wondering…"
"Yes?" < AUGHHHHH >
"Will you…"
Unable to stand it any more, he decided to cut to the chase for her, "Tell Devon that you want hi-, I mean, that you'll be there? Sure thing!"
"Wh-wha-Oh!" She looked confused but abruptly pleased, "Good! Thanks Oz!"
"No problem, Harmony."
Sending him a flirtatious wink, she turned and sauntered off down the hall.
He hadn't really considered it before, but the idea of carrying around stakes might be a good idea in the future. If not to fend off vampires, maybe just to weird out groupies. Sighing, he jogged off towards Willow's locker.
****
"Glad you could make our little gathering, Mr. Harris."
The smile on the troll's face was so smug that Xander had to physically hold back the urge to slap him.
Shifting around nervously, he glanced at the other members of the little group milling in the Principal's office.
< Justin Hayward: last seen flushing little homemade bombs down the toilets in the teachers' lounge. Mike Leigh: last seen downloading 'inappropriate material' in the computer room. Nicholas Wayland: last seen stuffing a freshman in his locker. Erika Myers: last seen-well….last seen in ninth grade. The girl never actually showed face in school unless it was for a party or for detention. Oh and then there was Jonathan something or another who was last seen…eww..that was the kid who peed in the swimming pool! >
Making a face, Xander regarded the underclassmen. < He can't seriously be… >
"Jonathan! Get your finger out of your nose!" Snyder barked.
< …picking his nose. Oh geez, this kid's Ick Factor just went off scale. >
The door squeaked open and someone nervously entered the room.
Turning, he noted the later-comer.
Snyder turned his beady gaze upon the girl, "Miss Madison, so glad you could grace us with your presence."
"Sorry, sir, but my locker jammed and I-,"
"Don't worry, we'll just extend your detention to one full week."
Looking back at the witch, Xander thought he saw her eyes flash a deep orange for an instant before she shot the little man an icy smile, "Thank you, sir."
< Well, that's it. Here I am stuck with five hardened criminals and the chick who wants me in a homicidal kind of way. I am officially in hell. >
He decided to make the best of it, though, "Hi Amy," he sent her a bright smile.
"Get the hell away from me, Xander," rolling her eyes, she moved closer to Jonathan.
< Perhaps she's afraid of her love for me? >
"Let's go people! Detention will be held in the chemistry lab today. That way, you can make yourselves useful by cleaning out the slides and other things left over from…experiments."
Although the rest of the group bit off a groan, the thought of cleaning potentially hazardous waste was actually comforting to the dark haired boy. < Hey, maybe I'll cut myself on something in there and die. >
Slowly, the students shuffled out of the office, single file.
****
"Can your parents come pick you up, Willow?"
"My dad should be at home."
"Good. You know, dear, you really shouldn't be up and around in your shape."
"I..I know..it's just that I had a geometry test that I couldn't miss."
The nurse smiled at her, "I wish more kids were like you, actually * wanting * to come in and take tests. In your case, though, I wouldn't advise it. In fact, I'd suggest that you stay out for the rest of this week and give your body some time to heal."
"Well, I have another test on Thurs-,"
"See how you feel, but talk to the teacher to see if you can reschedule. I'll even give you a note."
Willow smiled gratefully at the kind-hearted woman, "Thanks."
"Now then, why don't you go into the office and wait for your dad? I'll tell the secretary he'll be coming to get you."
"Okay."
"Do you need some help?"
"Nope..I think I can manage."
"Well, let me take your backpack in there for you. You take your time though."
Grinning, Willow watched the motherly woman go into the other room carrying her books. Slowly, the hacker hobbled to her feet and over to the door.
< I am * such * a dork. I can't believe I hurt myself ag- >
Her thoughts, and progression, were cut off by Principal Snyder leaving his office. Behind him, trailed a small group of dejected looking students.
Near the head was Amy Madison who shot the redhead a half-hearted smile and mouthed 'Detention'.
Cringing, Willow sent her a sympathetic wave. < Gosh, that sucks. I don't care what you've done. No one deserves having to hang out with Snyder for a full two hours after school. >
A short blonde boy walked past her.
< Hey, isn't that Jonathan? The kid who peed in the pool? Well, on the other hand…maybe * he * does…. > She stifled a giggle.
"Willow?"
In shock, the hacker snapped out of her reverie.
"Xander?"
Their eyes connected and their gazes locked as he moved past her.
"Willow, I'm…I'm sorry!" he whispered desperately, his hand reaching out and brushing against her own.
The gentleness of his touch caused tears to flood her eyes.
"It's okay, Xander. It really is," she murmured back.
She wasn't quite sure what he was apologizing for, but for some reason she felt almost as if a huge weight had been lifted off of her shoulders.
"Talk later?" he asked, the group was halfway down the hall.
Suddenly she felt an immense urge to start crying.
He seemed somewhat distraught by the look on his face but took a deep breath and stared seriously back at her, 'I love you,' he mouthed, too far away to whisper.
Although it could have been passed off as a hallucination before, there was no way that Willow could mistake what he'd said this time.
Smiling slightly, she nodded and watched him turn the corner.
As soon as he was out of sight, though, she inexplicably burst into tears. Leaning against the door frame for support, she heaved in gulps of air between sobs. < I…. > she couldn't breathe let alone think. Her entire body either felt completely numb or tingled ecstatically. The mixture of awe, fear, apprehension, disbelief, and pure joy was almost overwhelming.
So much so, in fact, that she'd neglected to see a certain dark haired guitarist standing at the other end of the hall.
Xander trooped along close to the end of the detention line. He ran his good hand through his hair in a mixture of apprehension and relief. < I can't believe I did that. > He'd once again told Willow that he loved her. Every time it happened, it got easier. It meant more. And she had nodded in understanding. She knew he loved her, and she didn't hate him. < Now what? > He hoped she knew what he'd meant with his apology, but really, even he didn't know what had happened. He felt an overwhelming urge to apologize to her for …everything really. Ignoring her for the last few years. The timing of his feelings now. The whole Barbie incident. Not giving Buffy her message. Everything. But he had the optimistic feeling that it would all be all right. She knew how he felt, that was the important part.
Xander's attention was reclaimed as he noticed Snyder standing beside the door to the chem lab, waving the students in as they filed by. Xander gave him a mock salute as he marched past. Snyder smirked. Xander sat down heavily beside Amy and waited for the torture to begin.
"Okay, there's a whole room here, and you have to sit beside me? Look, Xander, the love spell thing was intense for a few hours, but I DON'T LOVE YOU." Amy folded her arms over her chest and nodded at a different desk, encouraging him to go and claim it.
"Amy, I've had a pretty crappy twenty four hours. Could you just cut me some slack?" Xander lifted his cast and plunked it on the desk heavily. "I might need some help with this is all. You're the only person here who doesn't gross me out in some way."
Amy stared at the white cast for a moment. "How'd you get it?"
"Got beat up by the local gang. Didn't ya hear?"
Snyder's voice grated out to the occupants of the room, interrupting their conversation. "Okay, people, this is how it works. You take the slide from the box like so," Snyder demonstrated, lifting a slide by its edges. "Take this rag and the cleaning solution and wipe like this…"
Amy leaned over to Xander. "What really happened?"
"Buffy saved the world from hell taking over last night. Same old, same old," Xander whispered back.
"Poor Buffy," Amy sympathized. "Is she okay?"
"She ran away last night, right after. I think she's really upset. It's a long story."
"Miss Madison! Mister Harris! Care to share with everyone?" Snyder barked, moving to distribute two boxes of slides in front of them.
Amy narrowed her eyes at him and they glowed orange for just an instant before she smiled sweetly. "We were just discussing how wonderful it was to have this opportunity to help the school, Sir."
"Yeah, with the cleaning and all…" Xander added.
"Of course you were," Snyder nodded. He smiled at them maliciously and dropped two more boxes of slides in front of them. "Perhaps with a little extra work, you won't have time to wax poetic about your contributions to the school."
Amy glared at his back as he walked away. She waved her fingers at him and closed her eyes, speaking softly under her breath for a minute.
"What are you doing?" Xander hissed at her, alarmed. He already had one week of detention. He didn't need more.
Amy opened her eyes and glanced at Xander. "He's going to feel very uncomfortable in a minute."
Xander watched with curiosity as he cleaned his first slide, holding it in place with his cast as he wiped with his other hand. Sure enough, about a minute later, Snyder began to walk a little differently. His breathing became slightly labored, and a pained expression took over his features.
He sat down behind the teacher's desk and abruptly stood up again.
"Is everything all right, Sir?" Amy asked, smiling slightly at the corners of her mouth.
"Yes, fine. Of course." With that last word, he suddenly bolted from the room.
Amy immediately burst out laughing. "He's never going to make it."
"Make what?" Xander asked.
Amy leaned in close to Xander. "Make it to the bathroom." She giggled with delight. "He's going to have to get a change of pants or let us out early."
Xander smiled back and reached for a second slide. "You are a genius."
Amy carefully laid out a line of slides and began to clean them with broad strokes. "We should know in a few minutes if he'll be back at all."
"Can you teach me that for detention tomorrow?"
"All week, huh?" Amy asked. "Nope, a girl's gotta have her secrets. Besides, I'll be here again tomorrow anyway." She took on a serious air for a moment. "About Buffy, what did you mean by 'ran away'?"
Xander sighed and hung his head slightly. "She had a really, really bad night. A friend of ours got killed. And this guy she was really close to may have been sent to hell. Her mother told Giles that she ran away last night after it all went down." Xander paused in mid-stroke. "We've gotta find her. And soon, before she does something stupid to herself."
Amy cocked her head to one side. "I can find her."
"WHAT?" Xander asked, his voice rising and causing his fellow inmates to glare at him. "How?"
"I can cast a spell to find her. But I'll need something with her DNA. Blood, hair, skin, you know."
Xander looked thoughtful for a moment. "I'll ask Giles to find out if her Mom has any locks of baby hair or something like that. That'll work?"
Amy nodded. "Or, we can just sneak into her room and pull some hair out of her hairbrush. Or maybe they'll be a strand or two on her pillow…"
Xander smiled widely. They were going to find Buffy. "Why all the subversion? Why not just ask her Mom if you can go up to Buffy's room?"
Amy gave him a slow wink. "It's just more fun this way."
Their conversation was interrupted by Snyder's shrill voice over the intercom. "Attention detention students in the chemistry lab – you are dismissed!"
Amy made a pull-down 'Yes' sign and hopped off her stool. "When you find something, let me know." Xander nodded in response and began to leave the room as well. He had to find Willow.
****
Giles rubbed his eyes tiredly as he climbed back into his car. Buffy's mother had been upset, to say the least. When she wasn't yelling at him for leading her daughter into danger, she was crying with grief. Giles had made numerous cups of tea in the Summers' kitchen and spent a good deal of time trying to reassure Buffy's mother that they would find her. And soon.
She'd eventually calmed down enough that he had felt he should try to show her his diary on Buffy. He'd explained a good deal of the things she'd faced in the last year or so as he flipped the pages. Mummies, vampires, demons, and even assassins. Joyce Summers had listened in stoic silence throughout his monologue. She never asked a question, never let her eyes waver from his. The only emotion she showed at all was a solid slap across his face when he told her of Buffy's death at the hands of the Master. His cheek was now tender where her hand had connected.
Giles tried not to let that affect his story, or her perception of him. He was angry with himself too. He continued on, explaining how Buffy had given Angel tremendous happiness and inadvertently released his demon. He covered Angelus' rise and how he'd tried to torment Buffy. Mrs. Summers had nodded once, when he'd tried to explain how sorry he was that Buffy had suffered through all that.
Lastly, he'd tried to explain how none of it was Buffy's choice – how it was just fate, but he wasn't sure her mother had understood. She'd only said one thing at the end. "I just want her back."
He squeezed his eyes shut and echoed her sentiment. He wanted Buffy back
as well. At least he'd managed to secure a promise from her to let him
know if Buffy returned. He glanced back at the house as he started his
car. Mrs. Summers had followed him out the front door and was now sitting
on the porch steps, looking at the ground thoughtfully. ****
Willow leaned heavily against the wall and tried to catch her breath. The
tears were subsiding, but she still couldn't breathe. She needed air.
Badly. She turned to bolt down the hallway, to the freedom of outside.
"Hey! Will! Wait up!"
Willow paused as Oz's voice reached her and waited as he'd requested.
"What's going on? Are you okay?" Willow closed her eyes tightly. He was
using the voice she'd grown to depend upon. The pitch carefully measured
to reassure her while at the same time expressing concern. Oz really cared
about her. Really, really cared. And, she realized with a pang of regret
as she looked at him… she didn't feel quite the same way. She wanted to,
but the words Xander had uttered had changed everything. < I really want to
love you Oz…but I can't. > She squeezed her eyes shut even tighter as new
tears began to form behind her lids. < Why is this so hard? Oz cares for
me. I should just stay with him. But I can't. I'll only end up hurting
him, and that's the last thing I want to do. > She stood, paralyzed with
indecision, fighting the urge to sob. She never knew how NOT over Xander
she was until this second, with Oz standing in front of her, concerned.
But all the emotions rocketing through her system right now weren't for
him. She still loved Xander, and while she adored Oz, she didn't quite
love him.
Oz saw her fighting tears and moved to gather her into his arms. "Hey,
Will, s'okay…" he murmured against her hair. Her breath was coming in
gasps now as she fought for control. "What is it? Hmm? Is it Buffy? You
know she'll show up later. She just needs some —" He stopped abruptly as
Willow pushed against his chest and freed herself from his embrace.
The look on his face almost killed her. He was confused. And hurt.
Willow felt terrible. Worse than terrible. She felt guilty and terrible.
Her mouth moved to form words, but couldn't make any sound. She cleared
her throat and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand before she started
again.
"This isn't fair to you."
Oz changed his gaze so he regarded her from half-closed eyes. "What
isn't?" he asked warily.
Willow gestured at the air between them. "This…." Her voice threatened to
break again. "Oz, I can't feel the same way you do. I want to, I…" She
stopped as she saw him take a step backwards, in shock. "I wish things
could go forward, I wish I could feel … that way about you…but I can't."
She folded one hand over her chest, above her heart. "I don't feel it
here. I'm sorry, Oz…"
Oz stood, watching her dissolve into tears in front of him again. "I see,"
he replied, not really seeing at all. As far as he could tell, Willow had
been falling in love with him as well. "What is it, Willow? What's going
on?"
Willow shook her head helplessly, words beyond her at this point. She
wiped at her eyes with her sleeve, trying to stop the flow. She took deep
breaths, preparing to explain.
"It's Xander, isn't it?" Oz interjected before she could speak. She nodded
once. "Does he feel – the same way?" Oz asked, dreading the answer.
She nodded again, wordlessly, and looked at her feet. She felt awful for
doing this to him, but she couldn't ignore her heart. Oz was looking at
her, waiting for her to speak. "He told me he loves me."
Oz's heart froze in his chest with those words. < She's choosing him >.
"Do you need some time away? To, you know, sort out your feelings?"
Willow heard the hopeful note in his voice and it brought a new wave of
guilt to her heart. "Maybe," she answered softly, not wanting to squash
his hope. They all needed hope right now. They needed all the hope they
could get.
"You were going to go away in the fall anyway…" She trailed off as they
both thought of Oz's choice to go to college and live in the dorm.
He smirked slightly. "I was still gonna be in an hour's driving distance."
He moved closer to her, noting her skittish behavior as he approached. He
was convinced that just the wrong move would scare her away for good. He
slowly reached forward and cupped her chin lightly. She watched as he
outstretched his hand and finally made contact with her skin. She
swallowed the lump in her throat and tried to smile. "Friends at least?"
He tried to smile, but couldn't quite make it. People asked to be friends
when a relationship was truly over. It was the last ditch effort to hold
on. "Always," he murmured, memorizing the feel of her face in his palm.
He would never, could never, give up the hope that someday they'd be
together. "I need you to promise something. No wait – two things." She
met his eyes and nodded her head encouragingly, waiting for him to go on.
"I want you to remember that I care and you can come to me for anything.
ANYTHING," he repeated, reinforcing his statement with a solid look.
She nodded again. "Same for you." Her voice was no more than a whisper.
"And I want you to be happy," he genuinely smiled as he spoke. "If I can't
be the one to make you happy, I want you to be with the guy who can.
Promise me… that if Xander's not the one, you'll give me a call."
Willow sobbed a little as she moved forward to hug him. It was a hug born
of friendship, born of light affection, born of the moment. Oz returned
her hug as he squeezed his eyes shut. < Goodbye for now Willow Rosenberg… >
He finally released her, taking deep, measured breaths to maintain control.
"I'll let you know about Buffy – how she's doing -- when I see her," Willow
offered.
Oz nodded once in affirmation that he wanted that. "Thanks."
"I've got to go," Willow gestured in a vague direction. "I'll see you
later, okay?"
Oz nodded again and watched her begin to walk away. He stood there for a
long time after she had disappeared from his view. He slammed his hand
into the wall, wincing as the pain shot through his arm. His hand felt
better than his mangled heart.
****
Clump. Clump. Clump. Cordelia Chase paced outside the library, her clogs
causing an echo through the deserted hall. < Where is everybody? Has
anyone heard from Buffy? What's going on? > She glared at the library
doors, willing them to unlock and reveal all the answers to her, but they
remained solidly closed. Giles wasn't usually missing. Something must be
happening. < And I'm in the dark again… > she thought bitterly. She checked
her watch again. 3:38 < Okay, if no one's here in two minutes, I'm
leaving. They can find ME. > She angrily paced back and forth for two
minutes and then threw her hands up in frustration. "Fine! I've been
stood up!" she complained to the empty hall.
She slung her purse over her shoulder and stalked for the door, pushing it
open with more force than was necessary to work out some of her anger. She
distractedly dug in her purse for her car keys and found them just before
she reached the parking lot.
< Oz. >
Oz was standing in front of his van, which was conveniently parked beside
her car, repeatedly thumping his head against the van's hood.
Cordelia approached him cautiously. "Um, that must hurt."
Oz looked at her, as if surprised to see her beside him. "It does."
"What is going on?" Cordelia asked in frustration, walking in a circle. "I
can't find anyone except a wigged-out guitar player to explain what's going
on? This is just peachy!"
Oz stopped banging his head. < She doesn't know. > He suddenly felt very
sympathetic to Sunnydale's Ice Queen. She didn't know. He reached out and
laid a restraining hand on her arm. "Willow just broke up with me."
Cordelia stopped moving and stared at him, open-mouthed, for a good five
seconds. "Because Xander told her he loves her." Oz paused as Cordelia's
mouth opened and closed several times in rapid succession. "And she loves
Xander too."
Cordelia's heart froze in her chest. The coldness spread down to her toes,
making her begin to tremble slightly. She shook off Oz's hand. "Well,
aren't you going to find him and hurt him?!" she shrieked. "Punch him out
or—"
"It wouldn't do any good," Oz sighed.
"Knock some sense into him and ---"
"It wouldn't do any good!" Oz repeated, louder this time. "Willow's always
had …feelings for Xander. I can't fight that. I can't fight their past.
It's just, now that Xander feels the same way, there's no room in her heart
for me anymore…"
Cordelia fought the sudden tears in her eyes. < But I think I… > She closed
her eyes. "He told Willow he loves her?" she repeated quietly.
Oz nodded. "Sometime today, I think."
< My life sucks. > Cordelia thought. < Oz is right. I can't compete with
their history either. I've lost him… > And then Cordelia made a decision.
< But I'll be damned if I'm going to let him dump me… >
"Where is he?" she asked, determinedly.
Oz shrugged. "I dunno."
She yanked open the door of her car and got in. "If you see him, tell him
I'm looking for him." Oz watched as she started the car and floored the
accelerator. After five seconds, the only hint of Cordelia's rage was a
smoking, blackened strip on the pavement.
WILL CONTINUE