RATING: PG
CONTENT: Just the use of some bad language, nothing horrible, I promise
:)
SPOILER WARNINGS: Spoilers for WML P2 and Becoming P2.
SUMMARY: Just a piece from Buffy's POV while she is running away
DISCLAIMER: Okay everyone, let's do the disclaimer dance! *Claps for
joy* Okay, heh, anyways, I don't own any of these characters (*pouts*)
Buffy & Co all belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, WB, Fox, etc. If I
did, they'd all be having a lot more fun. So basically, what I'm trying
to get across is: don't sue! Cause then you'd be a *very* mean person.
So the only things I *do* claim rights on is the character of Mrs.
Achille and the story. Everything else is... not mine. So anyway,
enjoy :)
God, I’m pathetic. Here I am, the almighty Slayer, sitting on a bus, running away from home. Staring out the window, I see the all-too painful sign, reminding me of where I’m headed.
NOW LEAVING SUNNYDALE
Come back soon!
Why can’t life, for just one millisecond, be fair? I’ve chosen my destiny over my life so many times.. and it’s always led to the wrong thing. Isn’t choosing good over bad right? Isn’t it what I’ve been taught from the beginning?
I vaguely recall my old English teacher from Hemry once saying, "The choices we make have consequences. Sometimes what we think is right turns out to be wrong, and other times it’s vice-versa. And other times there are two, three, or a million choices that could be made, but only one leads to happiness. It’s rare to find that choice." Mrs. Achille was right.
I’m so sick of choosing destiny over myself. I try to do the right thing.. but the right thing never works out. I chose to tell my mom about me being the Slayer.. that’s the right thing, isn’t it? She couldn’t accept it. I chose to choose my destiny.. my fucking destiny - over my mother and walked out of the house forever. That was right, wasn’t it? And what about sending Angel - *my* Angel - to Hell? I chose him over the God damn bloody world! And this is what I get! I’m on a bus, running away from my life!
Kendra’s voice floats through my head, and I think back to happier times. Times when I had Angel, my mom, my friends. Times when I had a semi-normal life, with Slaying on the side. As of late, it’s been a Slaying life, with normalcy far on the side.
"You always do that," she said. I looked at her surprised.
"Do what?" I asked curiously. Kendra looked at me, and for a split-second, it was almost filled with pity. But that wasn’t Kendra’s style. It never was.
"You talk about Slaying as like it’s a job. It’s not. It’s who you are." I thought she was crazy back then, and I went back to trying to run away from my destiny. But Kendra was right. When I was born, someone, maybe God, maybe the Fates - I don’t know. But someone said, "This girl will be the Slayer," and gave me the powers and skill. I was merged with the Slayer. I am the Slayer.
There’s so many people I’ve failed. I’ve failed my mother as a daughter. I was never a good person to her. I’ve failed Giles as a Slayer. I never listened to him. I’ve failed Willow, Xander, Cordelia and Oz as a friend. I wasn’t there to help. I’ve failed the world as a Slayer. I never took my duty seriously. And I’ve failed Angel as a friend, a confidant, an ally, and a lover. I sent him to Hell.
Out of all the people I’ve betrayed.. Kendra, Giles, Mom, Dad, Willow, Xander, Cordelia, Oz.. the world.. Angel’s betrayal hurts the most. I love him so much. And if I knew of another choice that would have saved the world and him all at once, I would have made that choice. But like Mrs. Achille said, finding those choices are rare. Rarer than I’d like to imagine.
So for now I’ll sit here, watching the bus take me farther away from my life than I already am. Take me away into a world full of pain, greed, hatred and evil.. not that it could compete with what I’ve witnessed for the past months. And maybe it’s taking me out into a world where there’s the faintest glimmer of hope. Something I lost when I lost him. God, I’m pathetic.
*****