RATING: R/NC-17 (for consensual W/O sex.)
SUMMARY:  Willow deals with the aftermath of Becoming with the help of the other Slayerettes and most of all, Oz.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of the characters. They belong to Joss Whedon, WB, Fox, Sandollar TV, and Kuzui Enterprises. I'm just borrowing them for some illicit fun. The situations are based on the series Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Author's Notes: Text in {} represents a flashback.

It was a cool day for August. The summers in California were usually quite warm, but the weather was disappointing many people this year. The early summer rain had been heavy, with only a small break of good weather. Just before August nature had decided to be fickle. The evenings were quite chilly, with temperatures dropping in to the high fifties. The days were sunny, but rarely exceeded seventy five degrees. Of course, this didn't stop young people from having their fun.

A short young man with spiked reddish hair was working on a zebra-striped minivan. The vehicle was his pride and joy, but at the moment, joy was the farthest thing from his mind. The panel covering the engine was open, and Oz was working on said engine, swearing softly as he removed some components from it. Devon never could be trusted to do anything right....

Oz straightened for a moment to work the cramps out of his muscles. As he did, he glanced at the rocky peninsula that thrust out in to the Pacific. His eyes focused on a small, forlorn figure sitting near the edge of some cliffs. She was out there again. Her red hair flashed in the sunlight, blown about by the wind. Sighing, Oz put his tools down, wiped the grease off of his hands, and picked his way along the rocks.

Willow Rosenberg watched the surf batter the rocks below her. The wind blew some spray in to her face, but she didn't notice. Her dark, soulful brown eyes were staring at the horizon, never moving, blinking rarely. The hacker was raging inwardly at her friends, her parents, Buffy, and even herself. Being dragged away from her work in searching for the missing Slayer had not sat well  with her. She wiped a tear from her cheek with the back of her hand. Willow couldn't help feeling betrayed by her friends. A small part of her knew what Oz, Xander, and Cordelia had told her was right. She had been working too hard, ignoring everything else, and trying to find Buffy. She fought back the tears as the events of a few days ago played out in her mind.

{"Damn it! I need to help Giles!" Willow was almost yelling at the three teens standing in her room. There had been an uncomfortable silence when they had entered.

"Willow, you're my best friend. But you're killing yourself. I know you miss Buffy. We all do." Xander had done most of the talking. Oz had said only a few words, then kept his distance after Willow had snarled at him. "The best thing you can do is leave it alone for a few days.

"How the hell do you know what I need? You're too busy with her to notice!" She had angrily replied, silently enjoying the hurt look that flashed across Xander's face.

"Willow, you need to help yourself. You're getting wacked out much on this search of yours.  I know you like Buffy, but you need to get on with your life." Cordelia had actually sounded sincere.}

Willow had been reluctant to get away from Sunnydale. She had been searching the Internet for any mention of Buffy, and helping Giles patrol the town in the Slayer's absence. It hurt her that Buffy had just left without a word to any of them, especially Willow. Buffy had been the first real girlfriend Willow had had, and Willow considered Buffy her best friend. The Hacker was worried sick about Buffy, and her friends had noticed. Willow had been doing so much research, and keeping such late hours, that she was exhausted, cranky, and depressed.

Oz had noticed the change in her behavior first, along with Xander. Both boys were worried about it, but Willow kept denying any problems. Concerned about their friend, the two brought Cordelia in, asking for her help. Cordelia suggested the four of them spend a weekend at the Chases' vacation home. Oz and Xander had readily agreed. The three Slayerettes consulted Giles with their concerns, and he concurred with their plan. The hard part was the intervention with Willow.

The intervention was rough on all of them. Willow had been very upset, and she took out some of her frustrations on the three. Xander spoke to her parents, and they had given their permission for the trip. Willow's parents had noticed her lack of interest in her favorite activities, but were happy to have her friends try and bring her out of her funk.

Ira and Sarah Rosenberg trusted their daughter implicitly. They knew Willow wouldn't do anything they disapproved of. Sarah had noticed the changes in her daughter's moods, and she was very worried about Willow. Sarah knew something was wrong, and that it had to do with Willow's friend Buffy, who had recently run away from home.

Although they were not thrilled at the idea of Willow alone with Oz, the fact that Xander would be there reassured them. The Chases' cabin was only an hour drive north of Sunnydale. Xander left a telephone number, and promised that Willow would call home every night.

Xander and Oz picked her up the next morning. Willow obviously didn't want to go, and didn't want to talk to anyone. Xander had quietly explained the situation to her parents, and since Xander's word was gold, she was practically pushed out the door by her Mom.

{"Have a good time, honey," Sarah Rosenberg told her only child. She hugged Willow tightly, wishing the girl would share what was bothering her. Ira was just as worried.

"Yeah, it'll be great," Willow answered, her voice flat. She pulled away from her mother. Xander touched Sarah's arm, squeezing it slightly. He grabbed the small bag Willow had packed, and proceeded to stow it in the rear of Oz's van. Mrs. Rosenberg waved as the van pulled away.}

Willow's thoughts snapped back to the present as she heard the scuffling sound of boots on the rocks behind her. She knew it was Oz; Xander and Cordelia were inside making breakfast. She kept perfectly still, not wanting to be bothered. She wished fervently for the three of them to take the hint. Maybe he would just go away...

"Hey, baby. How's the view?" Oz asked, carefully sitting down beside Willow.  He felt his stomach lurch as he peered over the edge of the rock. It was a dizzying drop to the ocean below.  The cooler weather was causing some thick fog to develop during the night; small patches of it were still visible at the water's edge.

"Leave me alone. Please," Willow answered sadly. Oz threw a small rock across the cove below.

"Breakfast is about ready. You need to eat," Oz gently prodded, wrapping an arm around her slender frame and drawing her closer. Her hands were cold; chilled by the combination of wind and low temperature. "And you should warm up."

"Oz, do you think she'll come back? Do you think she's angry because the ritual didn't work?" Willow's question shocked Oz; he wasn't able to answer right away. He noticed Willow's eyes were focused on him, but the sadness, the emptiness had come back quickly.

"Oh, Willow," he soothed, gently drawing her tightly to him. "She'll be back. I don't think she could ever be angry with you." He playfully touched her nose with his finger and grinned at her. "But, Chef Xander will be if you don't try his eggs."

"Give me a few minutes, okay? I like the view," Willow said. Oz wrapped his arms around Willow. She settled back against his body. Content for the moment, Oz sighed. Maybe she was starting to come out of it.

Oz let his mind wander to the first night in the cabin. Cordelia had convinced her parents that the four of them wouldn't trash the place. Oz was impressed by Cordelia's desire to help Willow. Cordelia came off as snobby most of the time, but Oz had noticed a mellow side to her. Of course, Cordelia would never admit it to having one. She had a reputation to uphold, after all.

They had arrived about an hour before sundown. Xander had packed the groceries, which meant mostly junk food. Cordelia had picked up some healthier food, to Oz's silent delight. He hadn't fancied eating tortilla chips and Ho-Ho's all weekend...

Willow didn't speak on the drive up. All three of them had tried to draw her out, to no avail. She sat quietly in the rear of the van, watching the miles go by. Occasionally she'd scratch her nose, or push her hair away from her ears.

When they reached the cabin, Willow still didn't say a word. She merely climbed out of the van, pushed her way past Cordelia, and sat down in a corner of the living room. Oz noticed she had an old text with her. It looked like one of Giles' books from the library. He made a note to mention this to the other two. Xander had agreed with him - no spooky stuff this weekend, just the four of them trying to have fun. Well, here was the first challenge.

Oz waited until after dinner to make his move. Willow went to the bathroom, which was the opening he needed. He managed to get the book, stash it in his van, and return before Willow was finished. He was not expecting what she had done next.

{"Where the hell did you put it?" Willow yelled, tossing her backpack at him. "Why are you determined to piss me off?"

"I told you - none of that stuff up here. Got that?" Oz watched the anger flash in her eyes. Before he could react, Willow had slapped him across the face, leaving a stinging welt forming on his cheek.

"You bastard! Stay away from me!" Willow left the room, ignoring the shocked look on Cordelia's face, and shoving Xander out of her way when he tried to talk to her. The cabin shook slightly when Willow slammed the bedroom door shut.}

Willow's body shifted slightly, bringing his mind back to the present. Oz stood and helped his girlfriend to her feet. For just a second there, he had seen the old Willow, the one he was falling in love with. Then her eyes had gone dark again. Oz reminded himself to mention this to Xander; as the old Willow was making more frequent appearances.

******

Xander sighed with relief as he watched Oz and Willow walk away from the edge of the rocks. Xander didn't think Willow would do anything rash, like jump off the cliff. The events of the past week had shaken him, and he realized that Willow had changed, and he hadn't noticed.

He cringed inwardly as he recalled her words. Xander knew he was hung up on Cordelia, but he thought he could handle it, and still be there for Willow. 'Well, Harris, not quite as able as you kike to think you are,' the little voice in his head reminded him.

"Table's ready," Cordelia whispered, hugging him from behind. She kissed Xander lightly, nuzzling his neck with her lips. "Are you okay?" Xander nodded at her question. Xander had always been there for Willow, and Cordelia didn't like to see him tearing himself up over Willow's behavior. Cordelia wouldn't admit to anyone, but she was worried about Willow, and Xander, too.

Xander Harris was Willow's best friend. Cordelia knew that watching his friend shut them out was eating away at him. She knew just how much the hacker meant to him, and secretly envied Willow for having such a caring person as a friend. As Cordelia held on to Xander, she thought back to the events of a few nights ago, wondering if she could have done anything different.

All of them had tried to reach Willow in various ways, with no luck. Oz tried his best, and Cordelia was amazed at the level of patience he displayed. Willow had actually joined them for a game of spades. It turned out to be a nice evening, as long as Willow wasn't asked to contribute to the conversation.

She had actually smiled once, after Oz and her managed to win a game.

Willow went to bed early. Cordelia decided to join her, thinking that a little girl talk would be welcome. She found Willow curled up in a sleeping bag, leaving the bed open for Cordelia. Normally Cordelia would be okay with Willow's choice of sleeping arrangements, but she decided to offer the bed to the hacker.

{"Willow? I'll take the floor."

"Don't you usually like the bed?" Willow answered, her voice dripping in sarcasm. Cordelia had bit back an equally angry reply. She knelt next to the redhead and touched her body through the sleeping bag. Willow just pulled away, drawing the bag tighter around her.

"C'mon, Willow. Talk to me. I know you're hurting about this. I've been there, too. Remember when I didn't make Captain of the Cheerleading Squad last year?" Cordelia tucked her legs under her and continued talking. "I was so embarrassed.... I had messed up on my routine."

"It was the end of the world," Willow replied. "Terrible things happen all the time." Cordelia had felt some anger rising in her, but managed to keep her reply even. It would only make things worse. Cordelia decided to try a more direct approach.

"Willow, this may shock you, but I've started to like you. At least, I liked you before you started messing with all this Latin stuff. Do yourself a favor and move on. None of us like what happened. You can't help Buffy; so why don't you help yourself?"

"Shouldn't you be with Xander in a closet somewhere?" Willow asked. Cordelia felt her mouth drop open. Stunned, she had silently left the room.}

Cordelia blinked; Xander was saying something to her.

"And so are the eggs," Xander said. He turned the burner off, and carefully dished out the scrambled eggs. Cordelia was getting the orange juice from the fridge. She turned and clasped his hand briefly, favoring Xander with an encouraging smile. Even though Cordelia secretly felt a pang of jealousy at how Xander looked at Willow, she buried it. This was not the time to bring her feelings up.

"She'll make it. Even if I have to kick her ass to do it." Xander smiled slightly at Cordelia's choice of words.

*****

The four teens sat silently through breakfast. Three of them had eaten; Willow just picked at her food and stared off into space. The other three exchanged worried looks when they thought Willow wasn't paying attention. Oz was especially concerned. He couldn't remember the last time he had seen Willow actually eat anything.

Willow could feel the anger building inside her again. She didn't want to be here, she wasn't hungry, and Willow was tired of all the glances cast her way. Deciding she had had enough, Willow abruptly pushed away from the table. She was halfway to the door before Oz could stop her.

"Is that all you're going to eat?" he asked. She shrugged off his hand and gave him a warning glare. Oz took a step away from Willow, not wanting to aggravate her further. Cordelia started to say something, but Xander quieted her with a hand on her arm.

"One more time, guys," Willow stated, her voice rising in pitch as she spoke. "Leave me alone!" Willow stalked away from the table. She stopped for a moment, balling her fists and shaking her head. Oz kept his distance, but was watching closely.

"Damn it, I could have found her by now! She could be home, and I would know..." Willow's voice trailed off to silence. A small, sad noise escaped her throat. Then she whirled around, grabbed her barn coat, and stormed out of the cabin. Oz glanced over his shoulder, and nodded towards the now open door. Xander and Cordelia were looking at each other, confusion and concern evident on their faces.

"We'll be back," Oz said. He pulled on an old sweatshirt and closed the door behind him. Xander wondered if the Willow he knew would ever return. He let his head drop to the table.

"This is my fault," he moaned, slamming a fist down on the hardwood tabletop. "I should have tried something else."

"Shh. Xander, we're all in this. Stop being stupid, we'll just have to figure this out," Cordelia said, taking his hand in hers. She looked at the door with a surprised expression on her face. "Wow. Attitude much. I can't believe I skipped Mexico for this."

*****

Willow ran as fast as she could, ignoring the wind roaring in her ears. She wanted to get away from all of them. She wanted to escape the fear that was building inside. She had failed Buffy, and Angel, and everyone else. The Slayer had left Sunnydale because Willow had tried the ritual, and failed. The vampires would come back, and kill more people, and it would be her fault, since Buffy had left.

'Why didn't I listen to Giles?' Willow thought, remembering his words. He tried to warn Willow about what she was going to do; that it wasn't something for a novice. Willow had thought she was smart enough to do it anyway. Willow knew Giles had done some terrible things with his knowledge, but she was determined to try the ritual. Buffy would be happy, Angel would be back, and Acathla would be defeated. Willow bitterly cursed her arrogance. It had cost her one friend, and she didn't want to hurt any of the others. Why couldn't they see that? Why can't anyone understand!?

She stopped running, winded, and noticed she was standing on the beach below the cabin. The waves were booming against the cliffs to her right. A few seagulls were raucously calling overhead, taking turns at a fish carcass near the waters edge. Feeling her stomach turn at the sight, Willow started walking the other way. The queasiness was the result of not eating much.

Sniffling, Willow clambered on a large rock that was wet with spray from the ocean. She let the tears flow freely down her face. The confidence Willow felt when Buffy was around was gone, replaced by the old timidity and hesitation. Willow could sense that the others cared, and were worried about her. But she had let one friend down, and wasn't about to let that happen again. Part of her ached for solace, for some sort of release from her guilt. Buffy was the only one that could help.

Oz followed the hacker down to the beach. He had picked up a large blanket, and was carrying it over his shoulder. Oz usually didn't let anything bother him, but Willow's actions were starting to annoy him. He knew he was starting to love her, and Oz wasn't going to let her push everyone away.

Spying Willow near the water, Oz shifted his burden to his other shoulder and stopped at the bottom of the rock. Willow only looked at him for a second. Deciding it was now or never, Oz scrambled up the cold granite, wishing he could control his werewolf side and grow some fur. He wrapped the blanket around Willow, then plopped down next to her and took her hand in his.

"Willow, I can see the hurt. I don't like it, hurting is not a good time. You did the best you could." He looked out over the mist that was present in the cove. "We're not going to stop caring about you. I noticed that about you guys, when I first starting hanging out with you."

"I messed up bad," Willow said, drawing the blanket tighter around her small frame. Oz let out a sympathetic sound and hugged her.

"You don't know that. We won't know what happened until Buffy comes home." He kissed her shyly. "And she will come home, baby. I just feel it." Something in the tone of his words, and the feel of Oz's arms around her, reassured Willow. No longer able to contain her emotions, she leaned into him and let loose. Her body shook with the force of her sobs. Oz just held Willow tight, stroking her back, and whispered soothing sounds into her ear. Oz could feel a lone tear rolling down his face as he raged silently at the fates, or whatever it was, that had caused this young woman so much pain.

*****

Oz could see Xander and Cordelia on the deck of the cabin above, watching him hold Willow. He waved slightly at the pair, signaling that everything was okay. Willow had fallen asleep, curled up against him. Oz hadn't moved, other than to free his arm before he lost feeling in it. Willow's head was now lying on his lap. Oz smiled as he looked at her sleeping face, her brown eyelashes standing out against her creamy skin. He marveled at the feelings this girl brought out in him. He didn't think he had been in love, until Oz had seen her shy smile, and watched the cute way Willow would get flustered when talking. Idly, he wondered what she was dreaming, or if she was dreaming. If she was, he wished that it wasn't about Buffy.

'I'm here for you, Willow,' Oz thought. 'We're all here, and you'll make it. Please don't shut us out. I want to see you smile again.' Oz closed his eyes as he recalled the first time he had seen Willow. She was wearing an Eskimo costume, and somehow looked absolutely adorable in it. It took him months to find out who she was. Oz kept mostly to himself at school, mostly hanging out with Devon and the rest of the band. After making some inquiries, Oz knew that Willow could be found with Buffy, Ms. Calendar, or that Librarian.

Then came the hardest task of all, requiring all the courage he could muster. He asked her out.

It was easier than he thought. Willow was just as nervous as he was. She was delightful company, always full of energy, and talking about Buffy like the girl was her sister. Then he found out about the Slayer, which was fine with him. Sunnydale was a strange city. The fact that it was a hotbed of vampire activity didn't bother Oz. Buffy had always seemed different from the rest of the kids. He remembered the rumors, mainly from Cordelia's clique, about Buffy being a psycho, or a pyromaniac. Oz liked to make his own opinions of a person.

He had his own strangeness to deal with, once he realized he was a werewolf. Giles had helped him understand this facet of his life. Giles had also given Oz a very boring lecture on the subject.

Willow stirred in his lap, interrupting his reverie. Oz felt a hot blush come over him when he realized what Willow' motions were doing to his body. He could feel his erection growing. He tried to ignore it as Willow's eyes opened slightly. She looked around, disoriented for a moment, then focused on his face.

"Hey." Oz let a grin spread across his face. She was so beautiful when she woke up. Oz wanted to share more moments like this with Willow.

"Hi," Willow answered, stretching sleepily. She sighed and rolled over, snuggling against his body. "Mm, you feel good." Willow reached up and touched his face with her hand. "Thanks. I've been a real bitch."

"I won't comment on that," Oz said, smirking cutely. Willow smacked him playfully on the knee.

"I know you guys mean well." Willow locked gazes with Oz. He could see shame in her eyes, and felt his heart lurch in his chest. " I think about her all the time. Buffy was the strong one, she could get through anything." Willow closed her eyes for a minute. She sighed heavily before continuing. "It was eating her up, you know. That she would have to kill Angel. She blamed herself for Ms. Calendar, and all the others Angelus killed." Oz kept silent, but kept holding Willow tightly as she spoke. 'Let it out,' he silently urged.

"When we found the disk, I could see it in her eyes. Angel could be brought back, her Angel. I wanted to see her happy again, I was willing to try anything." Oz shuddered as he recalled what had happened soon after. Willow had been badly hurt, pinned under a bookcase. At the hospital, the cold fear in his gut was like a knife. Thankfully Willow had made a full recovery.

"And then... and then she left. I tried to find out what happened, but her mother didn't know." Willow rubbed her eyes dry. "Mrs. Summers was so angry. Giles and I tried to explain, make her understand, but we couldn't. She just kept drinking and yelling at us."

"Shh," Oz soothed, gently running his fingers over her hair. "It'll be okay. You will be okay. Resolve Face, see?" he joked, trying to make his face look serious. Willow laughed at the sight, her giggles sending a warm pulse through his body.

"So, happy to see me, huh?" Willow teased. She noticed his erection; it was hard not to when it was right under her head. Oz blushed even brighter, if that was possible. Willow watched Ozs' face turn red. It matched his hair. Willow thought it was very cute. "I'm going to sit up now, just sit next to you."

"Is it you?" he asked her, kissing her forehead. "Because I don't like this other Willow person. She's not fun to be around, and it's not even that time of the month."

Willow frowned at his words. She knew she had been awful to her friends. Ozs' kind prodding had finally gotten through. She felt her eyes start to tear up as images of the past few days flashed in her mind. Oz noticed the tears starting, and immediately regretted the gentle teasing words he had spoken.

"Baby, I'm sorry," Oz said, wiping a tear dry as it rolled down her cheek. Willow shushed him with her fingers.

"I'm the one who should be telling you that," she said. Willow's eyes widened. "And Xander! I've been so mean to him. I've got to apologize." Willow reluctantly pulled away from Oz. She carefully jumped off the rock and was walking quickly towards the cabin. Oz grinned, relief flooding through his body. The old Willow was back.

CONTINUE