Summary: Buffy tries to become a new person and find a new life.
Disclaimer: Joss, the WB, and Fox own all the characters from Buffy.
As I leaned on the bus seat, I tried to block out all thoughts of the nightmare that had only happened a few hours ago. God I thought. Then I chuckled. God. If there was a god, then how could he do this to me? Hell, I had saved humanity so many times, wasn't I entitled to one fucking moment of true happiness without repercussions? I had killed him, and he hadn't even known why. I had killed Angel, not Angelus. MY Angel. No!I mentally interrupted myself.- Don't think about that! I had to get away. I had to get away from it all. Away from the memories that seemed to now haunt every aspect of my life. I had to start a new life, a vampire free life. I had to forget. I had to forget it all. A lady that had sat beside me at the last stop asked:
''What's your name, sweetheart?''- she had gray hair, warm brown eyes, and looked about sixty. I thought. I new life... that meant the end of Buffy Summers, vampire slayer. That was exactly what I had wanted. Buffy Summers was dangerous. She had killed her only true love in cold blood. And he hadn't even known why... Angel...
''Your name is Angel?''- the granny asked. Oh god, I must have said that last part out loud.
''No, um, Angela. Angela, uh, Capulet!''- that was nice. Name yourself after one of the most tragic characters in literature. But Juliet had been happy. She hadn't been the one that killed Romeo... No!
''I'm Liz.''- she said in a faint accent.-''I'm touring the usa now. It's a nice country.''
''Yeah.''- the old lady was chatty, but I needed to get distracted.
''So why are you here?''
''I'm, running away. Starting a new life.''- I said, smiling.
''Something tragic happened to you. Somebody nicknamed Angel was in it all.''- Damn, the old lady was shrewd.
''You wouldn't believe me if I told you. I have to get away... Otherwise, I'll be worse then Drusilla. If I don't forget, I'll go crazy...''- I whispered. Liz must think I'm pretty crazy already. I thought.
''It can't be that bad.''
''It's worse. So now I said good-bye to my old self, and am going to Los Angeles.''
''It's a dangerous city for a young lady like yourself.''- she said quietly.
''Not as dangerous as me.''- I whispered, barley audible. ''I don't want any more trouble.'' Angela didn't. Angela didn't have to fight, to save the world, to kill HIM in order to save the world... Angela was a normal girl. She left it all up to somebody else...
''I hope you succeed.''- Liz said, smiling, as she got off on the next stop.
''I will.''- I told myself.''I will.''
When I got off the bus, it was morning again. 24 hours since I, no, since Buffy had killed Angel. Keeping the two separate was my only ticket to sanity. Just like Buffy had kept Angel and Angelus separate. I just walked around for a couple of hours, taking in the sights, even though I knew them by the heart. My dad had moved to New York a couple of moths ago, so there was no danger of running into him. Then I spotted a fast food restaurant with a 'looking for work sign' in it. I stepped in (I'd already changed my clothes before I got of the bus - now I was wearing a light pink dress and white sandals, my blonde hair up in a french twist).
''Excuse me, um, I'm looking for a job, could I speak with the manager?''- I asked, and was told to wait. This was it. No more slaying. Once Kendra told me that slaying isn't a job, it's who you are. Well, Kendra was dead. And I was getting a new job. A bored looking man in his thirties came, and I shook his hand.
''Hi, my name is Angela Capulet, and I'm interested in working here.''- I said.
''Do you have any experience?''- the man asked.
''Yes, I worked at McDonalds for a couple of months.''- I lied.
''Reasons for leaving last job?''- he spoke automatically.
''I, uh, I moved.'' We discussed some more things, and I learned his last name - Mr. Smith, a name as boring as he was. I'd figured I could work full time until September, and then I could go back to school, and switch to working weekends and four hours a day. Buffy Summers had never planned that far ahead. Angela did. Before I realized what was happening, I was hired, and told I started the next day. I practically skipped outside.
* * *
I found an apartment building nearby, and asked for the superintendent, who was an elderly woman. She was very nice (unlike my new boss), and found me a cheap, half furnished apartment. I explained my current situation to her, but she just shook her head. She was nice, but not foolish.
''I'm sorry, but I can't give you an apartment without a down payment of the first and last month.'' I was worried, and realized nobody would. Then my eye caught the ring on my finger, and I had an idea. A new life...
''How about you take this ring, it's pretty valuable. It's real silver. And this cross. That ought to cover it.''- I said happily. She agreed, and led me up to my new home. It was a one room apparent, with white walls, a clean kitchen, a flowered couch and black coffee table, black dresser, and in the room a bed and a bedside table. It was nowhere as nice as my, uh, Buffy's house, but it was tolerable. I had some sheets and food with me, and a couple of hundred bucks. Then I realized I had a new life, but there was still something wrong. I still looked like Buffy Summers. And when I came back home, hours later, I had very short dark brown hair, was wearing baggy jeans, Doc Martens and a basketball jersey, and had a whole new wardrobe. As I burned Buffy's clothes, diaries and stakes, I truly became Angela Capulet.
I started work the next day. I looked, and felt, and acted like a normal girl. A month passed uneventfully, a month of automatic living. I got up in the morning, I went to work, I had lunch, went back to work, came home, had dinner, watched tv, and went to sleep; day in, day out. I didn't think. Then school let out, and when I was working one morning two teenagers walked in. The girl had long, wavy dark hair and eyes, and was pretty short compared to the boy, who had dirty blond hair and looked sorta cute. Even so, the girl radiated an aura of authority, while the boy didn't. They asked for the manager, and while they were waiting, I tried to strike up a conversation.
''So you guys are interested in part time jobs?''- I asked.
''No, full time. At least for the summer.''- the girl answered.
''What's your name?''- the boy asked. If I had still been my old self, I would've thought he was hitting on me, but Angela dressed in baggy clothes, didn't wear any make-up, and had really short hair, so I just thought he was being friendly.
''Angela.''- I answered, smiling a bit.
''I'm Sara, and this idiot here's Alex.''- the girl introduced them, but right then mr. Brown came, and they started talking to him. I watched them out of the corner of my eye, and when they shook hands, I practically jumped inside. Finally, someone to socialize with! They started work the next day, and we immediately became friends.
Sara was a moody, rebellious girl who did what she wanted and took everything seriously, but she had a dry sense of humor which resolved around insulting people. She didn't show affection, and I don't think she ever felt anything. On the other hand , Alex was a friendly, happy go lucky person. In some twisted way, sometimes he reminded me of Xander... Stop it! Don't remember!. We hung out all time, and soon I met Sara's boyfriend, Will. He was a musician, and his music was all that mattered to him, except Sara; he hardly ever said anything, and when he did, it was too weird to comment on. He and Sara shared some kind of strange understanding that me and Alex never got. Alex was her best friend, but only that. One afternoon, we were walking home, joking about the matinee we had just seen.
''I thought it was funny!''- Alex said, imitating the main character. Sara, who was hand in hand with Will, begged to differ.
''It was one of the crappiest movies I have ever seen in my whole life!''- she cried. Will said:
''I find that sometimes what you call crappy humor has a quality all it's own, an artistic combo of...''- he never got to finish, because a man jumped out of somewhere, and snatched Sara's purse. A man, well, a vamp jumping out of the shadows... That had happened to Buffy every night. Not to Angela, though. Angela didn't beat up people. Angela didn't kill...
But before he had a chance to get away, Will punched him, Alex snatched the purse back, and only then was he allowed to run. There. I had survived the ultimate test! I was Angela now! I was dazed.
''Angela! You okay?''- Alex asked. I nodded.
''That was a terrible shock! We should get you and Sara home. Even I'm all shook up!''- he babbled.
''I just got the best idea for a song!''- Will said, and retreated to his own world. I allowed Alex to escort me home.
It was a Monday night, the lights were off, and the four of us were watching tv.
''Oh, come on! I wanna watch the movie!''- Alex whined, throwing popcorn at the tv. We were, at that moment, watching a rerun of Dawson's Creek. There was only one week left till the beginning of the school year, and all of us were in denial.
'' That movie is such crap! All it is is people beating the shit out of each other. I will not watch something so terrible!''- Sara said. She was sitting on Will's lap, and guarding the remote like it was Will.
''Well, at least turn to it during the commercial.''
''Oh, fine.''- Sara relented, and did what Alex had told her to. On the tv, a man was fighting another man, and the fakeness of the fight scene annoyed me. I said:
''Can we please watch something else? This is so stupid! I mean, that blow wouldn't send him flying like that, even if Spike or Angel or even I hit him! I mean, I speak from experience...''- I shut up, realizing what I was saying. They were looking at me very strangely. I thought fast.
''Uh, I mean, supposed experience, not experience per se...''- I finished lamely. They nodded politely. I couldn't let my guard down like that anymore! The only other time I had been so careless was two weeks ago, when the storage door was stuck. I had been pissed of, and kicked it down. And I mean down, not kicked it open. Kicked it down. I had muttered something about rusty hinges, and they'd bought it.
''Shit!''- I heard Alex say.- ''You're all out of triple chocolate fudge ice-cream!'' Oh great. That meant having to go get some, and since none of us had a car, that meant walking.
''Well then, let's go get some. I need fresh air anyway.''- I said. It was true. I needed to clear my head. Remind myself who I was...
Five minutes later we were walking down a dark, deserted street. Sara and Will were holing hands, and me and Alex were joking around. Then, all of a sudden, five shapes appeared. Like out of a nightmare, I saw five silhouettes, their mangled, strangely almost familiar faces, and one that I definitely recognized.
Spike.
I took in the black leather duster, the red silk shirt, the black T-shirt underneath it, the tight, black leather pants, the unmistakable bleached hair and the familiar confident grin, and for a second I froze. Then pure, black rage, surged. How dare he? How dare he interrupt Angela's life! We'd had a deal, goddamnit! He was supposed to leave the country! Well, I wasn't the fucking slayer anymore! I didn't have to fight him! I could just, run away!
Not realizing what I was doing, I pushed one of the vampires holding me (during my little internal fit, the vamps had seized us). I'd heard something about sacrifices, and an abandoned chocolate factory on the edge of town. The vamp went flying, and as I shoved the other one, I looked at Spike for a split second, just long enough to hear the words:
''No, it bloody can't be!'' Before I ran away. Oh, and I ran. I ran, and ran, and ran. Thoughts raced through my head, and they all involved hiding, running. Then I got a hold of myself. Run? While my friends were in danger? What kind of a pathetic person was I turning into? Then in a split second, I realized the stupidity of what I'd been doing, and the patheticness of Angela. I wasn't a little sniveling wuss, I was the freakin' slayer! I had to face Spike, but not like this. Not dressed like like that idiot Angela. No, Spike was going to face his worst nightmare.
Buffy Summers. She was back.
And she was going to kick his ass.
As I ran to Angela's apartment, and made a very important phone call, I
remembered when I'd first arrived in Sunnydale. I'd thought I was retired
from slaying, and didn't realize my career was just beginning. Meeting
Willow, Xander, Giles. Angel... I smiled as I remembered how I'd knocked
him flat on his back.
''I know what you're thinking. Don't worry, I don't bite.''
''Who are you?''
''Let's just say... I'm a friend.''
''Yeah, well maybe I don't want a friend!''
''Didn't say I was yours.''.
I put on a pair of four inch black heels that Sara had got me in an attempt to 'dress me like a girl'. The first time me and Angel kissed. When I found out he was a vampire. I'd faced him, and he'd told me how he'd gotten his soul back as a punishment a hundred years ago.
I put on a tight, short black dress from that same failed attempt. I
recalled how I'd faced the master. How I'd died. Xander had brought me
back.
''But you're dead!''
''I may be dead, but I'm still pretty, which is more then I can say for
you.''
I dyed my now shoulder length hair back to blonde. How I'd come back after
the summer, acting like a total bitch. How I'd hurt Angel...
'' Because you're a vampire! Oh, I'm sorry, was that an offensive term?
Should I say undead American?''
''I've moved on. To the living.''
But, he'd forgiven me. He always did. I just hoped to god he forgave me for what I'd done to him only a couple of months ago. I'm sure he does. He loves me- I thought.
I put on my make-up and recalled our relationship growing more, well, relationshippy. We'd gotten more and more serious... Until we went too far. One moment of true contentment, and he'd loose his soul. That was the rule. Until the night we... god, I still can't say it. He lost his soul. Went back to Spike and Dru, two of the vamps that he used to hang out with. He'd sired them both, not to mention drove Drusilla insane. Literally.
I broke a couple of chair legs. When Angel decided to awake Acathla, who would, in turn, suck the whole earth into hell, Spike had come to me. He wanted Dru back. I just wanted to save the world. So we teamed up, and went to stop Angel. Well, I went, he got up behind him and beat him on the back with a crowbar. Then he'd gotten involved with Drusilla, who had attacked him, and I haven't seen them since. I was left fighting Angelus, who had seized the moment and awakened Acathla. It was only a matter of minutes now. I'd blocked out all of those torturous memories of our times together, and tried to fight him like he was just another vamp. Except he wasn't. He'd beaten me to a corner.
Me, the almighty slayer. He was saying something, teasing, taunting me, all in an attempt to make me break. Well, I'd never give him the satisfaction. I fought back, my mind blank, my feelings shoved deep down. My sword was raised, his had went flying across the room. Then all of a sudden, his eyes shone with an orange light, and filled with tears. His soul was back. He said something, was worried that I was hurt... He didn't remember anything. We kissed, like we had used to. In that moment, everything had been all right... I was safe, he was safe, nothing the hell mattered except us... But, like I said, I wasn't entitled to happiness. Goddamn it, I was the savior of human race! Why did I have to give up the thing that I loved more than anything?
From behind him, I could see Acathla's mouth opening. Only Angel's blood could close the portal, he'd be sucked into hell, and I'd never see him again. Close your eyes- I whispered. He did it without thinking. God, he'd loved me so much, trusted me so. I love you. I told him. I closed my eyes, and stabbed him with the sword. I'll never forget the expression on his face, the look of ultimate betrayal, disbelief. I backed away, and just like that, he was gone. My Angel was gone. Just like that.
I'd run away, became Angela Capulet, a pathetic excuse for an alternate personality. The pain of remembering was even stronger now, but my friends were in trouble. If I was so big on responsibility, if I was that good, then I couldn't leave innocent people to be sacrificed. I walked out of my apartment, towards the factory, and I felt good. The pain was terrible, but the old feeling of power returned. I was the Slayer. And nothing, absolutely nothing, could stand in my way.
I got to the factory. Suprisingly, there were no minions guarding the doors. I just walked in, feeling invincible. I'd only known that feeling a few times before, but now it was so strong, it almost scared me. Spike was talking to one of the lesser vamps. I staked one of the minions in the back, an old move. Spike turned around.
''Slayer! You're supposed to be bloody dead!''- he exclaimed. I smiled my old, flirty smile.
''You guys never come up with any new punch lines, do you?'' I quipped. Angela never quipped. Our of the corner of my eye, I saw Alex, Sara and Will tied up. I turned to them, and smiled. I could see the disbelief on their face, and it felt good. I can't explain it, but it somehow felt good.
''Angela?''- Sara cried.- ''What the hell have you done to yourself?''
''Whoa!''- was Will and Alex's combined response.
''No, sorry, I'm not Angela. Buffy Summers, Slayer.''- I turned back to Spike, who seemed to be panicking.- ''And somebody seems to have taken my friends hostage! Spikey boy, do you remember what happened to the last person that did that? It wasn't very pretty.''
''Look, we had a deal!'' - Spike was very nervous, and just then Drusilla walked in the room. I looked at her, dressed in velvet, with a very elaborate hairstyle, cradling a small puppy in her arms, and suddenly I hated her more then ever before. She'd killed Kendra. I wasn't about to let her go.
''And you didn't respect your part of it! Los Angeles does not qualify as 'out of the country'.''
''Look, you can have your mates. I don't want to fight you yet. You bloody killed Angel!''- he said, preparing to walk out of the room, but Drusilla had heard that, and she turned around quickly.
''You killed my Angel?''- she said, like she couldn't believe it. She was about to lunge at me, but Spike held her back.
''Your Angel? In your dreams!''- I said. Spike said something to her, and dragged her out of the room. I tried to run after them, but all the vampires got in my way. They had the most powerful Slayer ever basically surrounded, and they weren't about to let me go. They underestimated me. I side kicked the one in front of me, staked another, and punched a third one.
''When the hell did you turn into Xena?''- I heard Alex saying.
''She's not Xena! She's Buffy, the almighty Buffster, Slayer of evil!''- I heard a very familiar voice.
''Xander!''- I cried. God, I'd missed him.
''In the flesh!''- he yelled, and I turned around, and saw Willow, Giles, Cordelia, and Oz, the rest of the Scooby Gang.
''I'll be right there, let me just stake them first.''- I motioned to the twenty vamps around us, and got to work. I lost track of how many I killed, it was so automatic. Just punch, jab, pull the stake out. Then I saw a vampire combust in front of me, and I followed the ashes to the floor.
Black shoes. Leather pants. Half unbuttoned silk shirt. The very familiar body. The even more familiar face.
''Buffy!''- I heard his voice, like in a dream. A very familiar dream. I stood there frozen, all my emotions just welling up, all the pain and torture of the past few months finally coming to surface, and then just disappearing. He was there. He was there!
''Angel?''- I whispered., then ran to him. Angel. My Angel. He was there, and he forgave me. It was in every line of his body, in the tone of his voice. He forgave me. Everything was forgotten, all the events of the past few months over, our surroundings pushed out of our minds. As I kissed him, the only thing that existed was him and me. The vampire and the Vampire Slayer. Angel and Buffy. For the first time in a long, long period, I was truly happy.
Spike glanced at the clock on the wall of his Parisian mansion, and sighed. He had been waiting for Dru for hours. It was almost daylight, and he was very worried that something had happened to her. He looked at the antique mahogany table at which he was sitting, and banged his fist on it.
''Where the bloody hell is she?''- he asked the clock. Just at that moment, she walked in, long skirt draping the floor.
''Speak of the devil...''- he chuckled. His girlfriend came to him, and sat in his lap.
''You flatter me...''- she smiled that smile which he loved so much. He kissed her, then asked:
''Where were you, Princess? I was worried!'' She stood up, and picked up a kitten which had been lying on the table. Kittens were her latest fetish. She petted its head:
''I saw some old, old friends of ours. Isn't that right, Miss. Jane?''- held up the kitten to her eye level, then put it gently back on the table. Amazing how somebody so ruthless could be so gentle... -Spike thought.
''What old friends?''- he asked, intrigued.
''A slayer, an angel, a clown, a bookworm, and all their friends! They haven't changed a bit, luv!''- she said, pulling him up from his chair.
''You're not talking about our old friends Buffy and Angel? The last time we saw them was a hundred years ago, and last I remembered, all save Angelus were mortal!''- he asked, amazed.
''They're immortal now...''- Drusilla told him, looking him straight in the eyes. ''All the watchers gave them a present...''
''The watcher's council granted them immortality?''
''M-hm!''- Drusilla nodded.
''Do you want to go see?'' Spike jumped up from his chair.
''Let's go, pet.''- he said, and they walked out of the room.
The End
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