Rating: G
Contents: lots of angst!
Summary: Buffy's in New York where she's met some new friends...but she can't leave her old life behind.
Spoilers: This takes place after Becoming the second part, so there
are references to it.
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters of Buffy the Vampire slayer,
they belong to Joss Whedon and Co. The story is mine though.
As she rode the bus out of Sunnydale, Buffy did not look back, not even once. She knew what she was leaving behind, she didn't need to look back. She did have one regret, her Mom, she was going to think that her leaving was her fault. It wasn't. They had had said some harsh words to each other last night, but she knew her Mom didn't mean them. Thats why she left the note, but she knew the note would not be much comfort.
She had to leave Sunnydale, she had to leave everything there, get rid of her memories of him. As if that would happen. She knew Giles would have tried to talk her out of leaving, bringing up her sacred duty as the chosen one, the slayer. Well, Buffy had slayed her last vampire. What did they expect of her? She had lost friends, she had lost the love of her short life. She had sent the man she loved to live with a demon.
Buffy had never neglected her duties as the slayer, even if it had meant the ultimate sacrifice - Angel. She had saved the world for the last time. She was going in search of peace, if it was out there.
The bus pulled into New York about nine am. Buffy had lost track of how many days she had been on it. She got off the bus and started walking, she didn't know why she had been drawn here. Maybe peace was here.
From around the corner Whistler watched Buffy walking. He said to himself "she's not ready to see me, I'll give her time."
Someone else watched Buffy walking down the street. Anna was in her mid-thirties, petite, pretty in a quiet way. She ran a soup kitchen for the homeless. She watched Buffy and thought she had never seen someone look so sad in her life. And in her line of work, that was truly saying something.
Anna went down the street after Buffy, "Hello" she called softly. Buffy turned around to face Anna. Buffys hair humg limply and she looked more like a five year old in her baggy overalls then a seventeen year old. Her eyes showed every bit of sadness she had seen over the last few months. Anna wanted to cry when she looked into those sad eyes. "Hello" Anna repeated. Buffy thought a minute and cautiously returned the greeting "Hello" she offered in a small sad voice.
"My name is Anna, and I run the soup kitchen down the block",said Anna pointing the way. She continued "You look like you could use a good meal".
Buffy was suprised at herself, she was hungry. She couldn't remember the last time she actually ate, it didn't seem important, nothing did. In the same sad voice she answered" That would be nice, thank you." She followe Anna back to the kitchen.
Anna fixed Buffy a big plate of food. Buffy ate slowly. Anna thought a minute then said "What ever is wrong, I'm sure it can be fixed."
Buffy shook her head no and said "This can't be fixed."
"Well, if you really feel that way, the least I can do is offer you a job, not a paying job, but you can have room and board, if you will help me out in the soup kitchen" offered Anna hopefully, she continued "My grandfather left me this building, this bottom floor is the soup kitchen, the second floor has tiny apartment on it, you can stay there, my husband Duncan and I live on the third floor. You'll like Duncan. What do you say?"
Buffy was deep in thought for a little while, then finally spoke "I accept your offer."
Anna nodded her head happily " lets go see the apartment!"
Buffy followed her upstairs, Anna was right , the apartment was small, but neatly kept. It reminded her of Angel's apartment. "Stop, Buffy, don't think about it" she whispered to herself.
"I'll leave you to get settled now" Anna said as she left.
Buffy was thinking that maybe this was the perfect place to start over,
to find the peace she was so desperately seeking.
Below on the street, Whistler looked up at the apartment window, he said to himself "She's going to be okay, with a little time."
* * * * * *
Buffy went downstairs to help with the soup kitchen, as she had done the last three days. She was serving breakfast to an elderly man, when she heard a familiar voice "Hello, Prom Queen" it was Whistler. Buffy turned away, she said bitterly "I don't want to see you or talk to yor or even be anywhere near you!"
"I know that" said Whistler "but you've got to tell me exactly what happened, I need details."
"Okay, Okay, will you leave me alone, if I talk to you? I will meet you outside at 10 am after the dishes are done" said Buffy with a sigh.
Anna noticed Buffy looked a little upset and she dried the last of the dishes. But she didn't want to pry. Buffy turned around and said" I am going for a walk, I'll be back soon" As she left, Anna prayed she would be careful. She went upstairs to check on Duncan.
Buffy and Whistler walked to the park. "Here are all your sordid details Whistler" Buffy spit the words at him.
"What exactly happened? Come on, Buffy he was a demon, by now it couldn't have been hard to kill him" questioned Whistler.
"Yes it should have been easy, but as the vortex was opening, Angel regained his soul, he told me he loved me, and I," Buffy sobbed and then continued "I ran a sword through him,. enough details for you or would you like to make me relive again and again, like I do in my dreams every night?" Tears were rolling down her cheeks now and people were staring.
"His soul was restored before he went in the vortex?" Whistler asked quietly.
"Yes" she replied softly.
"You're sure" Whistler looked puzzled.
"I am sure Whistler, I was there" she answered him sadly.
Whistler seemed to be in a hurry now " Okay,thanks for the details, take care of yourself kid." And with that said he left. "I've got work to do " he said to himself as he walked off.
Buffy headed back to Anna's it would be time for the lunch crowd soon. She wanted to help, she owed Anna a lot, she had been so good to her and not asked too many questiions.
When lunch was over, Buffy and Anna went up to their respective apartments. Buffy laid down for a short nap, her dreams were filled with Angel. His last words to her, the sound of the sword as she plunged it into his body, she woke up in tears.
Upstairs, Anna went to check on Duncan, he was sleeping in their room. She never got enought of looking at him while he slept. His golden brown hair fell across his forehead, she loved him as she loved no other. They had been together since she was 17, almost 20 years now.
It was time for dinner at the soup kitchen. They served a large crowd that night. It was getting dark when the last dish was put away. Anna told Buffy " Go on upstairs, you look tired".
Buffy went upstairs and tried to relax, she took a hot bath, she even tried to read something. But nothing worked, she decided to go back downstairs to offer her help in anyway. As Buffy went downstairs she heard sounds in the kitchen, her worst fears were realized, she would never escape them, there was a vampire coming up behind Anna in the kitchen. Buffy found a broken stool, pulled off the leg to make a stake and charged into the kitchen on the attack.
She had knocked the vampire over and was about to stake him. Anna was screaming "No, Don't, Stop Buffy, don't hurt him!"
Buffy stopped in her tracks "What, so you know what he is?" she shouted.
"Yes, Buffy, I know what he is and who he is, Buffy meet my husband, Duncan" said Anna as she bent down to help Duncan up.
"Buffy, I know this will be hard for you to understand, but he is a vampire and not all vampires are bad," Anna started to explain. Duncan interupted her "Anna, I don't think you have to explain vampires to her, if I'm not mistaken, she knows them well," looking at Buffy he says " You are the slayer aren't you?"
"Yes," said Buffy "I am or was the slayer."
"There is no was, unless your a dead slayer" said Duncan "A slayer is always a slayer, you don't get to choose, just like I didn't get to choose what I am."
Anna was confused, Duncan had never told her of slayers. They had actually always lived peacefully. She knew what Duncan was, she had accepted that long ago when she was Buffy's age. Duncan had saved her from a mugger one night scaring him off with his vamp face. She had been frightened at first also, but quickly realized he meant her no harm, when is face returned to its human form, he started to run away, knowing she was safe from the mugger now.
But she had chased him down and asked him to please walk her home. He did and she fell in love with a 100 year old vampire and he fell in love with a 17 year old girl, they had been together ever since. He wrote, so he always worked at home strange hours were expected of him. They did miss children sometimes though. And she knew that sometime in the future, people would wonder why she looked so much older than her husband, but she didn't want to think about it now.
"What is a slayer?" asked Anna.
"She is the chosen one to kill the vampires, demons, etc." said duncan "And Buffy is a good one, It looks like."
Buffy was still amazed that Duncan was a vampire. She also felt for Anna- someone had something in common with her. She told Anna in a calm voice everything that had happened with Angel.
Duncan smiled, "Angelus was older than me, but we have something in common-17 year old girls," he then got serious again "Buffy are you sure his soul was restored before he entered the vortex?"
Buffy replied "Yes, I am sure, trust me it haunts me every night." she silently wondered about his question, Whistler had asked the same thing.
* * * * * * *
In the dark basement of a warehouse, Whistler was talking to someone, someone special. "You've got to get your strength back and I'll answer all your questions."
The sad figure replied "I don't remember anything, I know she loved me, Why?"
Whistler replied "All in good time, Angel, my boy, I'll explain it in good time. Right now you need to rest." And with that he left to check on the Prom queen.
Whistler could see Buffy from the window. She looked okay, she would be more okay, when he could tell her the good news. But they both needed some more time. These two had a rough go in front of them no matter what. He thought he should talk them out of this love thing. But the strange thing was he felt good about this love in a weird way, and he knew it was not going anywhere, no matter what he said.
Meanwhile back in Sunnydale--
Xander was moping in the library. Buffy had been gone over a week, and all they had was the note she left her mom. Which only explained that she must go and she would be okay.
Xander was feeling some remorse over not telling Buffy that Willow was restoring Angel's soul. He did not know what happend that day, but he knew he felt responsible somehow. "Would Buffy ever forgive him if she knew." he thought to himself. giles interupted his brooding.
"Xander, have you heard?"
Xander cut him off before he could finish " No I have not heard anything."
Willow entered the library with Cordelia at her side,they were discussing Buffy also.
"Well, she'll come back, she's the slayer,she has too!" said Willow full of optimism , that no one else in the room felt.
Giles had not been himself since she left. With Jenny gone and now Buffy, he was lost. He was a watcher without a slayer. Everyone was worried about him. "If only I knew where to look for her" he thought to himself. Giles thought "Where would she go-Angel-Angel is the key- maybe she's gone somewhere where Angel has been," I'll research where he was before Sunnydale."
Giles assured everyone he was okay. He just wanted to do some research, he pulled out his books to start looking for info. on Angel.
Giles did not realize how many hours passed, he had found what he was looking for. Angel had been in Manhatten at one time before Sunnydale. Giles wondered "would Buffy have gone there? It was worth a try."
Xander walked in at that moment,"Can I talk to you Giles?" he asked
somberly..
"Maybe" said Giles and he explained about New York.
"I am going, I owe it to Buffy, I've got money, I'm going!" Xander was
adamant.
Xander and Giles headed off together. Giles knew better then to argue
with the boy. They departed the plane and took a taxi to the hotel.
"Where do we start?" asked Xander. Giles didn't have the heart to
tell him that he had no idea. So, he just said, "We'll get some
sleep and start tomorrow."
* * * * * * *
The next morning Xander and Giles started walking the streets with
Buffy's picture in hand. They asked everyone they met if they had seen
her. They ran into Anna outside a grocery store and she assured them
that she had never seen the girl in the picture. She hurried home to
warn Buffy.
Buffy was wiping down tables when Anna came in. Anna explained to her
about the man and the boy looking for her. Buffy immediately knew it
was Giles and Xander. She was not ready to see them yet.
Xander and Giles spent an exhausting day looking for Buffy, with no
luck. They went back to the hotel to call it a day.
Whistler checked on Angel, he was getting stronger every day. Whistler
decided it was time to tell him everything. Angel sat and listened
to the whole story without saying a word.
Then finally he spoke slowly "I killed Jenny Calender".
Yes, nodded Whistler.
"Buffy will never forgive me" Angel said sadly, "I can't forgive
myself."
Whistler spoke sincerely to Angel "Angel, buddy, you are wrong there,
she told you she loved you and she meant it. She had no choice but to
send you into the vortex, and believe me , for awhile she was looking
worse then you did when I found you, stink guy!"
Angel looked at Whistler with hope.
Whistler continued " You do have one problem, you can't go back to
Sunnydale yet, you have some penance to do, you will have to let her
go for now."
Angel wasn't sure he could face Buffy, but he knew that Whistler was
right he had to try. Whistler said "follow me" and they left for the
soup kitchen.
Whistler knocked on the door of Buffy's apartment. Buffy answered the
door she started shouting "Not you again! I want absolutely nothing to
do with you, nothing!"
"Wait, girlie" said Whistler putting his foot in the door. He continued
"I've got something I want to show you and then you can decide."
"Decide what" she said annoyedly.
"Decide if you want to remain a pathetic wreck, or be the slayer that
you are supposed to be. This speech is deja vu, I had the same talk
with your guy Angel once." replied Whistler.
"Don't even mention his name please, show me this thing, then leave
quickly, before I decide to do some slaying of the demon kind" she said
sarcastically.
"Follow me to the alley, please" and Whistler led her to the back of
the building.
When she got there, she saw a familiar back facing her. It couldn't be,
he was gone, her heart was beating so hard, she could hear it. Angel
must have heard it too, he turned around, their eyes met and they stared
at each other in disbelief.
Whistler stepped forward, all he said was "Work it out" and he left
them alone.
"Angel, is it really you?" Buffy asked in total disbelief.
"Yes, it's me" he replied gently," I love you Buffy, and if I could
change anything that happened I would, but I can't" he finished sadly.
"I don't care Angel, I love you. I thought I had lost you forever. Can
you ever forgive me?" she asked him sweetly.
"You don't need my forgiveness, and you never will. But you are the
slayer and you have to go back to Sunnydale, they need you" he replied.
"We'll go back together!" said Buffy excitedly.
Angel spoke sadly, but with determination " I can't go back, not now,
I have to atone for some of the things I've done. But you do have to
go back, Buffy."
Buffy was crying softly as Angel led her back to her apartment. They
sat down on the couch, looking into each others eyes. Buffy put her
hand on Angels cheek and they kissed for the first time since the vortex
ordeal. It was a long, slow kiss, full of passion. She leaned against
him and spoke " I'll go back Angel, but I need to know that I will see
you again".
"You will see me again, I love you Buffy Summers" he replied tenderly.
"I love you Angel" she said softly and fell asleep in his arms.
Whistler knocked on Giles' hotel room door. Giles answered asking
"Do I know you?"
Whistler replied "Your girl is at the soup kitchen on 5th street, she
is gonna need you in the morning" and the he dissapeared.
An hour before sunrise, Whistler knocked on Buffy's door again. He
quickly asked "Did you decide?"
Buffy nodded her head "Yes, I am the slayer, I am going home. I am
going alone."
Whistler looked at Angel "We've got to say our goodbyes now, I'll
be waiting outside" and he left.
Angel looked at Buffy long and hard as if he were memorizing everything
about her. The smell of her hair, her eyes, her lips, that smile.
"It's time Buffy, I love you and I always will. We will see each other
again. Take care and be happy" with that said he bent down and kissed
her gently on the lips. She touched his cheek and with tears in her
eyes softly said "I love you, goodbye." And then he was gone.
Buffy sat back down on the couch. There was another knock on the door.
This time it was Anna, "Buffy your friends are here, should I
let them come up?" she asked hopefully.
"Yes, let them in" Buffy answered.
Giles and Xander ran into the apartment overjoyed at the sight of Buffy.
Giles started speaking "We have missed you, please don't ever worry me
like that again. I want a full explanation later, but now I just want
to know that you are okay?" he asked somewhat emotionally for Giles.
"I'm fine" she answered " I am really okay, I'm ready to go home, to
be the slayer again1"
Xander had been exceptionally quiet, he went to Buffy now, he lifted
her off the ground in a giant hug. "I don't care what happened, just
please don't ever scare me like that again!" and he hugged her again.
Buffy went to her room and gathered her few belongings into her
backpack.
She found a small object in the bottom of the pack. She pulled out the
small silver claddagh ring, she looked at it lovingly, kissed it and
placed it on her finger, where it belonged, the heart facing towards
her.
Buffy went to Anna and explained everything and thanked her for all of
her help and kindness. Anna with tears in her eyes wished Buffy the
best of luck. Buffy asked her to tell Duncan goodbye and she left with
Giles and Xander.
Buffy was headed back home, back to her destiny, back to the world of
the slayer.
The End