RATED: NC17

THIS STORY CONTAINS GRAPHIC M/F SEX [Buffy/Angel]
If you are underage or you will be offended by graphic sexual scenes STOP NOW


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They searched for her each in their way. Giles in his books looking for prophecy, Willow on the world wide web. As I watched her working I realized I need to get more into computers, their handy..

"I think I got her!" Willow erupted from her chair waving at us to get our attention. We all went over to her and tried to look at the screen at the same time. Xander flinched when I came up next to him.... Damn, it's going to take a long time for everyone to get comfortable around me, if ever.

"A small town in northern Nevada reports having vampire problems. A young blonde girl is fighting them but they need help." Willow looked up with her deep expressive eyes. "Do you think it is Buffy?"

"We need to check" Giles said as she handed him the print out with the information for contact. I glanced at it quickly, a church? Giles mumbled to himself as he walked into his office to make the call.

As we waited for the results of Giles' phone conversation, the last person I ever expected or wanted to see walked in... Buffy's mother. What was weirder, no one else seemed surprised. No one changed what they were doing in anyway.

She walked up to Willow. "Any word on her? Giles called me and told me to come over. Something was going on." She was nervous, and I wondered how much she knew and what she was thinking.

"We have a lead. She may be in Nevada" Willow continued with her web searching. "Giles is checking now" Joyce sighed and looked around and saw me. I expected her to run but she came right up to me.

"You're the One" she said to me simply.

"Excuse Me?" I replied. I had no idea where she was coming from, and I wasn't sure I wanted to know. I remember Angelus stalking her, telling her Buffy and I had made love, and then was stalking her. God that must have made life difficult for Buffy and her mother must think I am a psycho!

"You're the one who broke my daughters heart and then stalked her." She hissed at me, the mother protecting the offspring. "She said she was going to kill you when she left that night"

"I never meant to hurt anyone" I stammered. I sounded lame in my own ears. I looked around as Giles came up and put his arm around her... Giles and Joyce?

"Joyce" Giles got her attention from me. "I told you what happened the night of her birthday. Angel lost his soul. What happened afterwards was the demon... NOT Angel. Angel didn't hurt Buffy on purpose, there was nothing he could do. Angel loves Buffy and she loves him." He pulled her into a hug and kissed her forehead.

Joyce pulled away and yelled at me "So why the hell are you showing up now? Why didn't you show up then?" Anger and pain warred in her eyes. I didn't want to hurt her further by letting her think I abandoned Buffy by choice in anyway.

"Buffy sent me into Hell that day. Literaly. To close the portal to Hell, which if left open would have destroyed the world, she had to send me to Hell. I just now got back." Joyce just stared at me and then looked to Giles who nodded. She walked away and sat down. I watched after her. I wasn't on the best of terms with the mother of the woman I loved... but it could be worse.

"I talked with the Priest of the Catholic church, A Father Makahey. Yes I believe Buffy is there. He described her well, right down to the leather jacket, cross and claddah ring. They are in dire striates though. She has been fighting, but she but is exausted, demoralized and weak. We need to get there soon." Giles looked at the group. What an interesting crew we made.

"How are we going to get to Northern Nevada? Oz's van won't make that kind of a trip and your car isn't big enough..." Xander thought out loud for all of us. I added in my mind I can't travel in an unshielded car in daylight. I realized it was time to call in favors of old friends and go car shopping.

"Joyce, we need to get a vehicle for the trip. Will you take me?" She looked at me in surprise. I thought keeping her involved would be smart. She nodded and followed me out to her car. "Giles, be ready to leave when we return" I call to him as I left. I saw him nod.

I climbed into the car she opened the door for me. I wondered if she really understood that was a vampire or had thought I had just been cursed. Is she really that oblivious? We didn't talk beyond my instructions to go to a particular car lot.

We arrived at the car lot. I had saved the owner's life and family about 15 years ago. I was now calling in the favor. He met me with a big smile. "Angel, how nice to see you what can I do for you?" I was unused to people being happy to see me. Especially recently. Joyce wandered off. I told him what we needed as we walked.

He showed me a limo with darkened windows in the back. Large enough for the whole crowd and big enough to be a mobile lair in the daytime. The large trunk would hold the luggage and the weapons. "Write it up. The owner will be the woman with me. Speed is of the essence" I told him as I handed him my credit card.

Joyce accepted my decision to register the car in her name and gave the owner the information and then drove her car home after the inital paper work was finished. I drove the limo when it was ready. She was packed and ready to go when I drove up in the limo. She stared at it. I guess she didn't realize what kind of car I bought her...."You gave me this?" she asked in a small shocked voice. I nodded affirmative. "Why?" she asked.

"I am not completely current and up to date on my on my ID." I had alternate identities for business transactions, but I was unsure of their status since I had been out of contact with my solicitator for 6 months. "It would have caused too many problems for him. If I don't survive, you can sell it and spend the money however you wish." If Buffy was not alive I would not see another night, I vowed to myself.

"Why shouldn't you survive?" She asked. Damn, she saw more than I originally meant to say. Why do mom's always ask the hard stuff?

"My only purpose on this earth is Buffy." I told her gently. "If she is dead, or refuses me and or my help when we find her, I won't be around to worry about the car." That sounded maudlin to my own ears... maybe she still thinks I'm an obsessed psychotic. In a way I am.

"Giles tells me you a vampire" She said softly. Talk about non sequiter. I now see where Buffy gets it. The cats out of the bag... now what do I do?

"Yes" I answer simply and honestly. Honesty is the best policy... until I get staked.

"How long have you loved my daughter?" She turned toward me with her large eyes. She reminded me so much of Buffy it hurt. I wondered if Buffy would be much like her mother if she lived that long. Hopefully not as oblivious...

I decided to tell her mother the truth. " I have loved her since she knocked me on my ass in an alley behind the Bronze, right after you moved to Sunnydale. That was the night I gave her the cross"

"You gave her the cross she always wears?" Joyce seems to be putting things together. I hope I'm not getting Buffy into trouble. If I want a chance in her life, I better been on good terms with her mother... "the leather jacket?" she asked softly. I nodded as another piece dropped into place for her.

"The ring?" She asked softly. I winced. She obviously connected the claddah ring with Buffy's pain. She reached over and took my right hand with the ring on it. "What does it mean?" she asked softly holding my hand and looking at the ring closer. I felt uncomfortable, I was holding hands with Buffy's mother...

"The hands represent friendship, the crown represents loyalty, the heart, well you know.. love" As I said those words I remembered telling them to Buffy on that cold pier.. I had been too shy to tell her even then, I loved her more than life itself.

"You loved her totally, even then." She made a statement. Not a question. She looked up and tears were in her eyes. "I saw her the day after her birthday. I saw her pain, but she wouldn't tell me what was wrong. I held her as she crie. Her heart was broken, I could tell, but I couldn't help" Tears streaked down her face silently. She cries just like her daughter.

"Buffy wanted to protect you. She loves you very much. She didn't ask to be the Slayer." I took her hand in mine. We were now parked at the school. "You were her piece of sanity, her normality, her foundation. She hated lying to you, but was afraid to tell you. Afraid you would be eaten with fear, and hate her for it" Joyce accepted what I said. Imagine that, me, calming her.

"Your hands are cold" I nodded. She was beginning to pick up the differences between me and a human. This was good. Time for a lesson for the Slayer's mother in vampirism..

"I also don't breathe or cast a reflection. I cannot go out into the sunlight, or enter a human's residence without an invitation. I can be injured by holy objects" I decided to state the necessary items, she needs to know." I can be killed by the sunlight, by fire, decapitation, or wood through the heart" She looked at me with large eyes.

"How old are you?" She finally asked. She was just as much into the non-sequiter as Buffy. I smiled.

"245 years old" She startled. "I know I am older than Buffy, older than your grandmother for that fact. Between us, age doesn't matter" I winced internally. Right Angel, tell the woman whose 17 year old daughter you love, had sex with, and then broke her heart, that age doesn't matter. Sometimes I can be so stupid I even amaze myself.

"You really and truly honestly love her." She stated the truth simply. I nodded. There was nothing I could add to that statement. She continued. "I can't stop you. Rupert explained to me of the chances for her retiring from Slaying was nil until you came along. She was unlikely to live this long after she lost you. With you by her side, she may live long enough to retire." She looked out the window, tears running down her face. To realize the mortality of your child was too painful for a parent. I know that. All too well. "But so help me God, if you ever hurt her like that again... like you hurt her this last time... I'll kill you myself!"

I stared at her open mouthed. She meant it. I told her "If I ever hurt her like that again, I'd want you to." She nodded and walked into the school. Now I know where Buffy gets the attitude.

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We loaded up everyone, and since it was still night, I started the driving. I could easily drive all night. Day would be their problem. We headed north and east. I strongly dislike driving into the rising Dawn. Every bit of my essence wanted to run and hide. When the begining dawn's light became too painful for me, I pulled over and went into the back. They were all sleeping. I woke Giles, and sent him up front to drive. I crawled into a corner and tried to sleep.

I had my usual nightmares of blood and destruction. I relived the things the demon did in my body after I lost my soul for the second time. I awoke from my nightmares with a cry on my lips, to find everyone awake and watching me. I realized I had woken them with my nightmares. I apologized for waking them and mumbled something about nightmares. Xander mumbled something about knowing what I meant, and glad I had them too.

Sleep is not essential for vampires. It does however help pass the time when your trapped in a vehicle with people who used to be your friends, but now aren't. I slipped back into it in a vain attempt to avoid their stares.

The dream I had terrified me when I had gone back to sleep. I saw Buffy, she was gaunt, tired and depressed. Her spirit had been broken. She was a shell of the woman I remembered. She was an automaton who battled vampires while giving them unbelievable chances to end her life. It was almost as if she was suicidal and hoping they would do the act for her. Her clothes that were usually neat and flattering to her, were uncared for. Her hair was stringy and unbrushed. Even at the end of a full battle she never looked this bad. Not even when she died at the master's hand! My heart broke and I cried out for her.

I awoke with her name on my lips and the sound of my scream resounding in the limousine. Once again, I woke everyone up with my nightmare. Joyce was looking at me closely. I felt like a bug under glass.

I apologized again and decided that sleep was not my thing to do. I looked out the window at the daylight. Being out in the day was unusual for me. Too bad the scenery had to be the desolation of I5.

I needed to see Buffy so badly it was a physical pain. Even being stabbed and sent to hell didn't hurt this badly. What if she hates me when I find her? What if she refuses me and doesn't want me around her at all? What if she can never trust me again?

I looked into my heart. What did I want from her? Everything. That night on her birthday gave me a taste of heaven not even heaven could compete with. When she made love to me, my life was complete. I wanted her, mind, body, and soul. I wanted her in my life. I wanted to be capable to touch her whenever I wanted to. My God I wanted to be her partner for the rest of her life...

What if she hates me? What if she doesn't want me in her life not even as a protector? I am a fool if I think for one moment that she wants me, a vampire, in her life as a long term partner. I can't give her a normal life. I can't give her children. What have I to offer her as a consort. I am a fool.

By the time we stopped somewhere for dinner I was thoroughly depressed. The sun was setting enough to allow me to get out of the car. For lack of anything else to do I joined them for dinner. I told the waitress that I just wanted a bottomless glass of sprite. I also would be picking up the tab for the table.

I watched them eat. Apparently the food was good, judging by the gusto with which they attacked their meals. Xander had no qualms about seriously running up the bill. I smiled to myself. Let him feel he is getting one up on me. He deserves the feeling.

Since it was dark, I drove the rest of the way. I could feel the pull of the master that resonated Buffy ever since he bit her. I speed up, we were less than 10 miles from our destination. I sped up.

We were within 5 miles when I was pulled over by a Nevada highway patrol for doing 105mph. My first urge was to kill him and drive on. But I don't think that would go over well with the others. I really get disgusted at my darker urges.

"Going to a fire?' The officer sarcastically asked me as I handed him my ID praying it was still valid.

"No, vampire hunting" I snarled. Have I lost my mind? The last thing I need to have happen is have this over grown boyscout get a hankering to arrest me. Hunger must be making me really irritable. I noticed he was looking at the half made stake on the seat beside me... Oh good, now he is going to think I'm crazy!

"Heading into the next town I take it" he asked, seriously. I nodded. "The majority of the people are camping out in the church on main street near the town center. That's where the Slayer is staying. You may want to go there first." With that he handed me my ID and walked away.

I sat for a bit in total surprise. Buffy was known to him and the vampires? This was just too weird. I saw cattle off the side of the road and realized I really needed to feed. Hunger ate at me like acid. I didn't need to tempt fate by going into battle undernourished and under strength. Giles got out of the back to see what was going on. I told him about the interaction with the officer, and then told him to drive up the road a mile and wait 5 minutes and come back and get me. I got out and walked toward the cattle. He did as I asked. Thanks the Gods for rational Watchers. I hate chasing cows around.

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After he picked me up again, we finished the drive into the town. It was deserted. We drove until we found the church. I frowned. They thought they were safe in the church, but in fact they were sitting ducks. A vampire can enter into a church. Fledglings disliked to, it was painful for them, but an older vampire could do so easily.

Giles parked in front of the church and climbed in back. "Willow, go into the church and see if Buffy is there. You are the least threatening to her right now." Willow nodded and climbed out of the car and went into the church. We all waited in fear of her response to us being there. She had left all of them. She thought I was in Hell. What would be her response to us?

Giles looked at us and continued. "Buffy has been very deeply emotionally hurt. Remember how she was after the Spring fling? Be supportive. Angel don't be too pushy." That was an understatement. She had been a regular bitch when she had come back from the summer at her dads. I still remember her dance with Xander. I almost killed him that night because of it...

I planned to be opened and accepting. Let her control the interaction and take it where and how she wants to. I was so anxious my teeth hurt.

Willow returned quicker than expected, smiling. "I found her. I told her the 'whole team' was here. I didn't tell her Angel or her Mom were here though." Willow started to cry and took in a deep sobbing breath. "Oh Giles, she looks so horrible!" She hugged Joyce tightly.

We all got out of the limousine. People stared at us untrustingly. We were stangers in a town where stranger could mean your death. I followed behind the others at a small distance. I wanted them to see her first, to support her in the shock I knew it would be to her for her to see me. She had sent me to Hell after all. She may fear what came back out of Hell.

I saw a vampire approaching a woman who was allowing him to come too close. He was a fledgling, probably made within the last 24 hours. She probably didn't even know he was a vampire. Before he knew what hit him I buried a stake into his back and he exploded into dust. She looked at me shocked. I looked up to the stares of the townspeople. They looked at me different now too. I was a vampire hunter to them now. I guess I inocently managed to establish our credentials without even trying.

I walked toward the church. I saw they had a barricade where you had to place your hand in holy water, or touch a cross to enter the building. Not wonderful, but has showed that someone, probably Buffy was thinking. I pointed to the cross around my neck and was waved in. I guess they can't conceive of a vampire wearing a cross either.

I entered the church and looked around. The people were packed into here like sitting ducks. We needed to seal the building. I saw Giles and Joyce talking with a priest as I headed for them up toward the Altar.

When I got closer, off to the side of the alter was Buffy. She appeared just as I saw in my nightmare. She was thin, gaunt and unkempt. Her clothes were dirty and torn. She had vampire dust covering her. She obviously wasn't taking care of herself after her battles. Her eyes were closed and there were tears on her face. She looked exhausted. The fear in people's eyes as they looked at the woman they believed was the only person to save them, could only be described as blind terror.

I watched as Willow and Xander approached her and hugged her. Giles and her Mom followed, and the hugs were repeated. Was a hug too much for me to hope for? I wanted such a hug from her so bad it hurt.

She smiled at all of them, and then a painful expression came over her face and she dissolved into tears. I walked closer. I couldn't stand it anymore. I NEEDED to be closer, I needed to hear her words.

"Oh God Giles, I killed him!" She said around her sobs. The people who were around her listened to her every word. This was a legendary Slayer... not often you get to experience the legends. "He got his soul back and he didn't know what was happening, - and I killed him!" she looked at Willow who had tears running down her face. "I had no choice, the vortex to Hell was open and the whole world would have been sucked into Hell!" The people around her stared. Disbelief on their faces. "It wasn't that demon bastard... him I could have killed easily... It was Angel, Giles... He didn't know what happened, but he told me loved me...and then I sent him into hell to close the vortex!" She dissolved into tears into her Watchers arms. I wanted to be holding her right then so bad my teeth hurt. I think this whole thing actually hurt her more than it hurt me. I was used to dealing up close and personal with the demon inside me.

I couldn't stand it any more. I came up to her and dropped to my knee in front of her. "Buffy" I said gently to her hidden face. My voice was husky with suppressed tears. It sounded odd in my own ears. "You did what you had to do. You had no choice. It wasn't your fault!"

She erupted out of Giles embrace to do battle. I realized suddenly she didn't recognize my voice, she didn't know who I was. "Like hell it wasn't my fault he.." She stopped and just stared in disbelief..."Angel?" she said softly just like she did that fateful day. I nodded.

"ANGEL!" She screamed as she launched herself into my arms, hugging and kissing me hungrily. If anyone in the church had missed our reunion with the Slayer... they all were looking now, and I didn't care!

Her lips tasted better than I remembered. Her touch inflamed me, and brought my need for her to an acute hardness. She kept crying and saying " I thought I lost you forever" and all I could say was "I love you". It was if I was trying to make up for all the time I should have said it but was too scared to. I was lost in her touch. My whole body cried out for her. I absorbed her attentions like the desert absorbs the rain.

"Excuse me" Giles was attempting to interrupt us. I briefly wonder how long had he tried to separate us. I flashed him a glare that made him step back a step. He continued though. "Let's get rid of the vampires, so we can all go home?" It made sense even though it was the last thing I wanted to do right then. I was in heaven with Buffy in my arms. ... but what I really wanted to do wasn't appropriate to do in front of an Altar, or in a church full of people either. The demon in me squirmed.

Buffy whined as I released her. "Later love" I whispered in her ear. She looked me in the eye and nodded. I kissed her forehead. The fight and the Spirit was back in my love. We were going to dust some vampire ass.

"Willow, do you have the spell to seal a dwelling?" I asked her quickly going into Slayerette mode. She nodded "The faster we dealt with these bastards the faster we can get home. Impliment the spell on the church now. These people in here are sitting ducks." The priest and those nearby me looked up in fear and shock.

"Father, who has maps on the nearby abandoned mines?" He thought and when he looked like he remembered I told him "Get them to bring the maps here. We will finish this tonight" I collected Xander and Joyce and we went out to the car and brought in the weapons. We readied the stakes and other weapons and it wasn't long until the maps had arrived. Giles and the others poured over the maps while Buffy and I went hunting for a fledgling more than willing to exchange information for a quick death.

Once we had the maps it didn't take long to figure out where they were hiding. Buffy, Giles, Xander and I went to attack them leaving Willow and Joyce at the church. As we left I saw Joyce staring at the result of the damage the vampires did to the town, the mourning of the survivors of the fallen. I think that was when she finally saw the necessity of the Slayer at that time. It will make Buffy's life easier in the future.

The battle was tight and furious. We succeeded because they never expected Buffy to be in top form and with friends. They were also shocked at a vampire helping the Slayer. We fought all night, picking off the stragglers.

We returned to the church before dawn. We collected Willow and Joyce and tried to leave, except we were hugged and kissed by everybody. Being around so many mortals made my skin crawl and I escaped to the limo. It took the others awhile longer to get out.

While alone with my solitude, I sat in the dark limousine and thought. She loves me. All those horrible things I did and she still loves me. Granted she stabbed me through the chest and sent me to Hell, but in the total picture it was minor. I sat in the dark waiting for them to come out... I needed her so badly it hurt.

Eventually they climbed in... Buffy came over to me immediately and curled up beside me, putting her head on my chest and instantly fell asleep. She must have been exhausted. Feeling her hair and her soft breath on my chest was erotic. I looked over at her mother embarrassed. I felt uncomfortable snuggling with Buffy while everyone watched. But, I was more than willing to experience the embarrassment to be able lay there as her pillow and enjoy her trust in me.

Joyce sat there and watched us. I felt uncomfortable with the scrutiny. I looked at her as I put my arm around Buffy who smiled in her sleep and snuggled closer to me, running her hand under my shirt to rest on my chest. Buffy let out a contented sigh. Joyce smiled. I relaxed.

Buffy was exhausted. She slept all day. When night fell and it became my turn to go forward to drive, she became upset and restless until she joined me up front where she promptly laid across the seat with her head in my lap and went back to sleep. She seemed to need physical contact from me. I didn't mind, I loved it.

I tried to keep my mind on the road, but all I could think about was her head in my lap. She snuggled right up against my erection in her sleep, and the pressure of her head wasn't helping it soften in the least! I drove on, realizing her attentions to me were in total innocence. She needed the physical contact... it was just too bad for me it was driving me crazy in the process. I didn't think it was possible to drive eight hundred miles with a hard on... I learned otherwise. By the time we reached Sunnydale the sun was close to rising within the hour, and I was nearly setting.

Buffy awoke finally. I realized she probably had the first good sleep in the six months that I was gone. She looked at me and took my hand and kissed it. "I thought you were a dream." She said so softly, running her tongue over my hand. My erection snapped back. It was getting painful! "How did you get back from hell?" She unconsciously stroked my thigh. I had a problem making complete sentences, but I finally told her the entire story.

"I thought I lost you forever" She started to cry. I put my arm around her and pulled her into me tight.

"No Buffy" I told her softly. "I thought I lost you forever! I knew you would never go to Hell, so I knew that I couldn't even look forward to seeing you when it was your time to cross over." I don't know where it came from but it just came out. "I love you. I tried not to but I can't help myself. I know we have a lot to work on, but I want you in my life forever." OOPS, so much for letting her set the pace, I just blew that plan all to Hell.

"Are you proposing to me?" Shocked at her assumption, I glanced at her. As she asked, her face lit up with a bright smile and she unconsciously licked her lips while her pupils dilated and her heartbeat had increased. I hadn't officially been, but since she seemed to like the idea so much, I grabbed the opportunity.

"Yeah. I guess I am." I looked out to the road. I didn't want to profess my love then kill her in a car accident. "Will you marry me Buffy?" So much for romance. Proposing in the car while both of us need showers, covered with the dust of dead vampires and her mother in the back. Should make my record for the inane. I distracted myself. I was terrified she didn't want me. Never had I put so much on the line.

"Yes Angel, I will marry you." She kissed my hand as she told me that, and I stared at her. She had to redirect my attention to the road. I was happiest I had ever been, and no curse would break it now!

Continues