Rating: General
Spoiler: Becoming
Disclaimer: Everything is owned by Joss. I just borrow it occasionally
Summary: A confession from Giles

Haunted

The corridor was full of teenagers moving to their next classes. As they chatted with their friends, collected books from lockers and grabbed emergency snacks to hold them over until school’s end, they didn’t notice the middle aged man locking the library. None of them would have cared anyway. They never went in there.

Giles took one last look around the corridor, although he knew it wasn’t necessary. He picked this time of day because he knew the children were in their various classes, and wouldn’t come looking for him for at least an hour. After pocketing the library keys, he moved toward the exit.

"See. I told you."

"We never said you were lying, Willow. It’s just so... unGiles." It was obvious Buffy was confused, and perhaps a little hurt. She thought they didn’t have any secrets from each other.

"Well, there’s only one way to find out what he’s up to. Come on, before he gets too far ahead."

"Do you think we should? I mean, if he wanted us to know, he would have told us. He might have a secret girlfriend, or something." At the looks from the other three, Cordelia tried to defend her comments. "Well, most people would. But this is the hellmouth. And that’s Giles. Let’s go."

The four teenagers hurried to keep the Watcher within their sight. Luckily, he was walking. If he had taken the car, they would have been in trouble.

"Hurry up, or we’ll lose him."

"It’s okay. He’ll turn right at the corner. Oz’ll be waiting for us a bit after that. I told you. He’s been disappearing like this for a few days. We’ve just never been able to follow him all the way before."

"Well, we will today. I don’t like mysteries. Especially when it involves my Watcher."

Sure enough. They soon met Oz. The Scooby gang then followed Giles, making sure to keep out of sight, should he decide to turn around. But if he had any idea he was being followed, he gave no indication, and continued onwards. Eventually, he came to a large abandoned building, and entered through a side door.

"Hey, I know this place. It’s the old Tivoli theatre. They used to have concerts and shows here, until the owner mysteriously disappeared." Oz was as confused as the others as to why Giles would come to such a place, and not tell them. They waited a few minutes more, then entered the building the same way as Giles.

They found themselves at the rear of the disused stage. A haunting sound could be heard coming from the front. The sound of a piano playing a sad melody. They quietly moved towards the sound. What they found there shocked them.

A piano stood in the middle of the stage. It’s condition contrasted sharply with it’s surroundings. It’s polished surface reflecting the image of the man playing it, oblivious to his surroundings. Standing atop the piano was a photograph. From where they were, they couldn’t see who it was of, but Buffy had a pretty good idea.

Oz stood in awe. Who would have known that Rupert Giles was so talented. He would love to get hold of that tune. It really tugged. He could feel tears in his eyes. They were all spellbound. Then they heard it. He was humming. In perfect accord to the tune. Such a perfect gifted instrument, and nobody knew. He turned to the others. They were all crying. Even Xander couldn’t control his feelings. But that was allright. Oz could feel the tears running down his own face.

The player continued on. The sad, haunting melody. Further drawing his silent audience into the depth of emotion. Even when joined on stage, he did not falter or hesitate.

Angel hadn’t known whether he should approach Giles or not. But the music had drawn him. He now stood at the other end of the piano, looking across to the man he had not seen in months. The man he had not been able face for months.

"You were expecting me." In response, Giles turned to glance at the photo. He then closed his eyes, losing himself once more in the song. "I..I wanted to say how sor..." He couldn’t go on. The tears clamored to escape his eyes. He wouldn’t give them that freedom. He did not deserve that luxury. "You shouldn’t have let them restore my soul!" The guilt was destroying him. More than anyone else, he wanted forgiveness from this man. Yet did not deserve it.

"Do you know why I wanted your soul restored?" Quietly, as if not to break the mood created by his fingers on the keyboard. "Can you guess the real reason?" Not in anger, but almost as if curious.

"For Buffy. Because of how she would feel if she had to kill me." Angel found him responding in kind.

"That was a factor. Yes. But I knew that either way she would lose. Kill Angelus, she would always remember she killed the man she loved. Restore your soul, she would have to watch your anguish as you remembered. Which would have been better for her?"

When it was obvious the other would not respond, Giles resumed his humming. He was patient. He would wait.

"For her. For .. Jenny." How hard it was to say her name. To sully her memory with his mouth. "It was what she was working on. What she wanted to do. For Buffy. For you."

"Yes. But, that was before you murdered her. After that, it didn’t really matter."

Angel was confused. If it wasn’t for the two women Giles cared so much about, then why? He just didn’t know. And still, the combination of the piano and man squeezed his already painful heart further. He bowed his head in defeat.

"Xander had it wrong, you know. He wanted you staked. End of story. I admit, at first, so did I. Either that, or to die myself. Then, at least, the pain would stop. But Buffy wouldn’t let me. She needed me you see." He paused, whether to find the right words, or regain control, Angel wasn’t sure. He braced himself. "No. Xander was wrong. Once you, or should I say Angelus, was dead, there would be no more. Where would the justice be? The suffering? The regret? Killing Angelus would not be true retribution. Restoring your soul. Letting you remember. Letting you destroy yourself with guilt. That. Would be true retribution."

Finally, Angel was able to do what he had found impossible for months. He cried. There would be no forgiveness. No absolution. He had done this. Destroyed this gentle, caring man. Turned him into .....this. So lost in his own pain, and feelings, he didn’t hear the approach of another.

Giles turned to look at the young woman standing beside him. Her face was awash with her tears. The pain of what she had been through for the past year stark on her face. Yet she didn’t flinch when she looked at him. She then turned to Angel, who had finally noticed her.

"You knew she was there."

"Yes."

"Then why?"

"Because she has to make a choice. And I wanted the others to know why." This as the rest of the gang moved behind Buffy. "And she had to know why."

Finally. Finally the music stopped. Giles stood and moved away from the piano. He collected the photo of Jenny, and placed it in his jacket pocket.

"You think this will make it easy for her? Do you think I will let her choose?"

"Nothing has ever been easy for her. And it is her choice. She isn’t choosing you or me. Just whether to continue having me as her watcher." With that, he turned and left the stage. Leaving behind some shocked, devastated people.

Two hours later, Rupert Giles was packing some books in the school library. He hadn’t wanted to return to the apartment. Not yet. And he knew she would come here first. He wasn’t sure what she would choose. But he was ready either way. One thing though. Ripper was back. And he was here to stay.

He turned as the library door opened. She stood there, looking at him. She had obviously shed more tears, but had somehow managed to effect some repairs and gain control. He wondered how much more he had caused her heart to be broken. He waited. She would let him know her choice.

"He’s going to L.A. He obviously can’t stay here. He’ll fight his demons and monsters there. He might return occasionally for a visit. Or if he’s needed. But he’ll never be a permanent part of our lives again."

She moved forward slowly, never taking her eyes off his face. He put down the book he had in his hands and held himself still. Still she came to him. When she was finally in front of him, she moved her arms. And held him tight in a hug. His own arms came up around her. He knew her choice. Now it was time for them both to heal.

end