SPOILERS: Becoming, part 2
SUMMARY: What Buffy's thinking during her confrontation with her mom before she left to stop Angelus. This isn't the best thing that I've ever written, but I just had to write it. Joyce was so damned *stupid* in this episode that it amazed me. ::Deep breath... Calm... Deep breath...::
CONTENT: Some swearing. Nothing big.
DISCLAIMER: They don't belong to me.

:::I've saved this entire city in one fell swoop before. Thousands of lives in a heartbeat. Something to consider:::
Uncanny X-Men #351

"If you leave now, don't even think about coming back!"

Those words hurt me more than I would ever have believed. I've died before. I've lost people that I should have protected. The man I love turned into a demon that delights in torturing me. Those words are right up there on the pain scale.

Why is that? Why do those words hurt me more than I could have imagined?

It takes me a moment to understand what I felt as my mother flung those words at me.

It's betrayal.

I finally told mom what it is that I do, though it was by no choice of my own. I told her of my destiny, my curse, my duty. I spilled the pain in my heart out to her when she confronted me in the kitchen. What I said was true, I don't want to be doing this. I let out my anguish expecting her to understand.

God, it hurt when she didn't.

She didn't even seem upset or shocked when I told her about my being a Slayer-- just angry that I wasn't about to put off saving the world to spell things out to her. The woman who I thought would love me no matter what I may have done, betrayed my belief in her.

I can't believe that she wanted me to choose between her and saving the world from being sucked into Hell! What did she expect me to do?!

Believe me, I would have told her everything that she wanted to know if I'd been able to. But I couldn't! Why the hell couldn't she grasp that! Did she think that I was joking about all of this? Did she think so damned little of me?

Mom or the world. Bet I'm the only girl whose ever had to make that particular choice.

I wish that there had been a choice. But there wasn't. I couldn't stand by, chatting with mom, as the world went to Hell. So I pushed her aside to go and save the world from the grasp of evil once again.

And that's when she said *it*.

"If you leave now, don't even think about coming back!"

Like it's really that simple!

But apparently, she thought that it was. My need to save the world versus her parental authority.

Is she fucking stupid!?

Not nice, I know. But what else am I suppose to think?

Damn it! Why am I always faced with this kind of crap!? I wonder if any of the other Slayers had to put up with this. They probably didn't, because if they did, I doubt that they'd have gotten anything done.

She just looked at me, waiting for my answer.

Mom.

The world.

I left.

And as I did, I knew that no matter what happened, I wasn't going to be back.

The End