To Hell and Back:Chapter Two

"But why would she do it?" Cordelia asked with a puzzled look on her face. "And why would he? I mean, normal Angel wouldn't pull the sword thingy out . . . so why? What went wrong?"

"I wish I knew," Giles replied quietly. "However I think Willow is right . . . it's the only explanation that makes any sense."

"So what's the big deal?" Xander wondered, clueless. "He killed Ms. Calendar! He deserved to die! I don't see why we're all acting like that's such a big deal, so Buffy left town, she'll deal, she'll come back, the end."

"You don't understand," Giles told him, at the end of his patience with the teenager. "And there really isn't enough time to explain it to you. We must get Buffy back here if there's to be any hope of saving him."

"Whoa!" Xander shouted, rising to his feet. "Back up the train here, people. What the hell is this saving him crap? Am I the only one with a brain around here? Hello! He's a murderer! How many times to I have to say this before it sinks in? He would have killed Buffy in a heartbeat if given the chance, and I'm sure he's having a grand old time down in Hell with the rest of his demonic buddies!"

Giles whirled on the teenager, his patience gone and his temper ignited. "You act like you've lost so much more than the rest of us," he told the teenager, his own dark side coming to the forefront. "You do NOT act like you're the only one who cares about Jenny's death, are we understood?"

"I -- "

"Are we understood?" Giles interrupted furiously.

"Yeah, I got it," Xander replied coolly.

"Good," Giles stated. "And, for your information, the demon who replaces the body of the person who's died bears no resemblance to that person in personality. Believe me, if Angel had had one ounce of control over the demon's actions I would not even be considering this."

Xander nodded and sat down, realizing that his opinion was obviously not wanted. Still, he crossed his arms over his chest and took several deep breaths to calm his own temper before he said anything else he would regret. Willow was glaring at him from her wheelchair as she read through books with Giles, Cordelia, and Oz's help. Xander looked back at her steadily, refusing to lift a finger to help the person he considered the enemy, even if it was the only way to get Buffy back to Sunnydale, and back to herself.

The library doors opened and Buffy's mother walked in, her hair a wreck, her eyes bloodshot, and her clothes wrinkled. "I came," she said, in a clipped and tired tone of voice. "Now what's going on?"

Giles motioned her over to the other side of the library, away from the researching teenagers and towards a quieter area. And then, after taking a deep, calming breath, he began to explain.

*****

She was watching the news, half expecting to see herself on it after the reaction she'd received from the Sunnydale police department. A dinner she'd picked up at a fast food restaurant on her way to the hotel was laid out in front of her on the bed, untouched, except for two missing fries, as she stared at the small television, but didn't really hear it. Her own thoughts were all she heard, echoing in her mind and inevitable.

Buffy glanced up from the television when a knock intruded on her thoughts. She stood in surprise, wondering why anyone would be disturbing her when she'd put the little sign on the door and everything. Opening it, she stared at the bell boy in annoyance. "What?" she asked, not meaning to sound as harsh as she did.

"I just came up to deliver some more towels," the acne troubled worker said pitifully, holding them out to Buffy.

The Slayer sighed and accepted them, then closed the door and tossed them down onto the dresser before heading back to her bed. The temptation to call Giles, to call her mother, to call Willow was almost overwhelming. She longed to hear a friendly voice, to talk to someone she knew, to just cry for hours and hours on end. But she knew she could never have what she wanted, not any more. Because what she wanted more than anything else in the entire world was to cry on Angel's shoulder, to hear him whisper words meant to comfort her into her ear as he gently stroked her hair, to see the spark of concern in his eyes whenever he looked at her. She would never get that. Not any longer.

It was a relief when the tears finally came. She welcomed and embraced them as she curled up onto the bed, holding a pillow tightly to her chest as she cried. The tears physically hurt, creating an ache in her chest as she sobbed soundlessly. After several minutes passed that way she bit her lip in an attempt to make them stop, but they continued in spite of her, quiet as a whisper, and more painful than the loudest wailing she'd ever in her life heard or personally experienced.

Finally out of pure exhaustion she fell asleep, the food still on the end of her bed, the news still on the cable television. And in her dreams the moment Angel had come back to her replayed itself in a continuous loop she knew she'd never be able to stop no matter how long she lived.

*****

"Let me see if I get this now," Joyce said hesitantly, holding up her hand to stop Giles in the middle of his third attempt towards explaining. "Buffy's the Slayer. Her boyfriend, Angel, is a vampire . . . or was a vampire. He had a soul, he lost that soul, tormented her, killed her computer teacher, etcetra. Now you're saying he was chosen when it came to opening this portal, only you guys gave him his soul back by performing a ritual or whatever, and that for whatever reason she killed him when he had his soul instead of the non-souled version. And she's feeling so incredibly guilty about this that she's taken off for parts unknown?"

Giles blinked, surprised by the brief summary of what he'd been trying to explain to her for the last two hours, then nodded. "Essentially, yes, that's about it," he replied.

Joyce took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly, shaking her head in disbelief. "And while all of this was going on I was completely clueless." She shook her head. "Talk about not keeping good enough tabs on your children. Here I was thinking she was in a gang."

Giles smiled sympathetically at Buffy's mothers confusion. "I understand it can be a lot to take in all at once," he told her gently.

Joyce closed her eyes for a moment. "And now you're trying to do . . . what, exactly?" she asked.

"Um . . . " Giles trailed off uncomfortably, then decided that if Joyce had been able to deal with all that he'd just told her, she should be able to handle what they were going to attempt to do. "We are currently trying to find a way to open a portal into hell," he explained.

Joyce blinked twice and her eyes widened. "You . . . you're what?" she queried in shock. "Isn't that why Buffy killed her boyfriend? To keep him from opening a portal into hell?"

"We're not entirely certain what went on in that mansion," Giles explained patiently. "Right now we're working under the assumption that the portal was opened, and Buffy closed it, unfortunately sending Angel into hell was the only way do so. It's possible that we are also wrong and she simply killed him to prevent his opening it, but our first theory seems the most logical one at this point."

Joyce blinked and took another deep breath. "And what's this going to do for Buffy?"

"She'll have to come back," Giles replied. "The only one who can get him out is the one who sent him there. Only she can save him, now, and she doesn't realize that."

"Okay . . . so . . . " Joyce shook her head and licked her dry lips, leaning back in her chair. "So how's she going to know about this? I thought we didn't have clue one where she was."

"We don't," Giles answered. "But if we can find the ritual to open a portal, we're one step closer. Our next step will be locating Buffy and informing her of our plans, the only way we can get her to come back is if we have the ritual ready to be performed. Otherwise she won't believe us."

"Step one's accomplished," Willow said, from her position in her wheelchair. Giles looked towards her and Willow handed the book she held to Oz, who delivered it to the Watcher and showed him the page Willow had been excited about.

Giles read it and had to smile, not at all surprised that it had been Willow to find the ritual even though all the others, with the exception of Xander, had been looking just as long as she'd been. "Good," Giles complimented her, and she beamed back at him, always glad to be helpful.

"Now we move on to the step where we find Buffy, right?" Joyce asked, determination in her eyes as she stared at the Watcher.

Giles nodded his head in answer. "I'll begin calling all hotels around town, Willow will search the internet and see what she can find."

"And what am I supposed to do?" Joyce wondered. Now that she had all the information she was more than ready to do whatever was necessary to get her daughter home.

Giles shrugged slightly. "Call family members, see if she's contacted any of them," he offered. Joyce nodded, stood, and left the library. Giles shook his head as he watched her go, surprised by her reaction. She was talking all of this better than he'd ever thought she might.

"Xander," Giles said firmly as he walked back, beginning to feel the strain of not resting after his experience at the hands of Angelus, "if you're not going to help, leave."

Xander looked up at him and sighed heavily. "I'm debating," he answered with a slight nod.

"Well, debate elsewhere or begin using a phone book and start calling buses and train stations and see what you can find out," Giles demanded.

Xander closed his eyes for a moment, then stood, and took two steps towards the door, aware that everyone in the library was watching him. He sighed once more and turned back, making his way towards Giles' private office and the phone books inside. Cordelia and Willow exchanged small smiles with one another as they watched him in a female moment of affection towards the teenager. Then Oz walked back to wheel his girlfriend towards the computer.

Cordelia, having no assignment to complete, walked into the office where Xander was and waited until he'd hung up with the first bus station he called. He looked up when he saw her and motioned for her to come in. "Hey," he said to her.

"Xander," Cordelia said gently, "we need to talk." She sat down on one of the chairs nearby and looked at him for a long moment until he closed the phone book heavily to give her his full attention.

"What?" he asked, still sounding angry.

"What's your problem, Xander?" Cordelia asked bluntly, but with an uncharacteristic note of concern in her voice. "This is going a little past wanting to protect Buffy and into some serious issues. I mean . . . I'd think you'd at least want to help us try and get him back, for her sake, if for nothing else." She sighed slightly, obviously unused to being patient and concerned.

Xander rolled his eyes heavenward. "Excuse me if I'm not jumping on the 'let's save Angel' bandwagon, Buffy's sake or not. He's still a killer."

Cordelia shook her head and huffed slightly, rolling her eyes. "Look, Xander, I'm trying to be supportive here, but you're making it a little difficult." When she received no reply she stood. "If you want to be a jerk, get out. Giles said it himself, either help, or leave. No one's holding a gun to your head forcing you to be here, Xander. You think you're the only one with feelings? You think you're the only one who cares? Imagine what Giles must be going through . . . and yet here he is trying to get Angel out of Hell or whatever. So what is your big trauma that's so much worse than what we've all been through? What makes you so special that we should all listen to your opinions? You know, if you'd just told Buffy in the first place who knows? Maybe none of this would have ever happened. You think on that, Xander, and you come talk to me when you get a clue." Cordelia spun around and stormed out of the office.

Xander blinked, shocked, and stared after her. For a moment he couldn't think of what he should do, if he should go after her, or if he should stay where he was. Finally he decided to do neither, instead standing up, walking out of the office, and walking out the double doors that lead out of the library.

*****

Buffy woke up slowly, the rays of the morning sun shining across her through the blinds that covered the windows over her bed. She sat up, rubbing her eyes and wiping away the tears her dreams had caused at the same time. She got out from under the covers, standing and stretching her sore muscles after the long night.

The towels the bellboy boy had brought up remained on the dresser, and she walked towards them, then headed towards the bathroom to shower and change before setting off again. She wasn't sure where to go from here, but then, she hadn't been sure where to go when she'd left Sunnydale, either. She figured as long as she was away, nothing could hurt her. She was resigned to dealing with the ghosts of her past until the day she died, but maybe being away from Sunnydale would stop any new ones from haunting her.

Once she was finished with her shower she dressed and got ready to leave the hotel. She threw out the remains of the fast food she'd bought last night, shut off the television, and straightened up the bed out of courtesy, then left the hotel room and wandered back out onto the streets of the town she was in. She tried to think where she was, but the truth was she didn't even know. At least that would make it harder for anyone to find her, if she didn't know where she was she doubted anyone else would be able to figure it out from so far away.

A few drops of rain began to fall from the sky and she looked up at the clouds, which were dark and omnious of the coming storm. She ignored it, even as the rain got worse she continued to walk with determination towards nowhere.

*****

At the same time Buffy was walking through the pouring rain, Xander was sitting in his bedroom thinking. He'd been thinking for hours about everything that had happened recently, and thinking about what Cordelia and Giles had been trying to tell him, and thinking about Buffy. There was so much going on now, so much more than he would have liked. He could still remember, so distantly it seemed a dream, when he'd known nothing about vampires, or the Slayer, or demons of any sort. His worst fear had been having to take summer school or failing a class and having to retake it the next year, now he couldn't even name what his worst fear was, there was so many of them. The thing that got to him the most, however, was trust. It had never once been an issue with him, who to trust, because what was there that was so important to make it an issue? Cheating on a test? There was no real reason to worry about such things, or, at least, there hadn't been. Now, however, there was, and it bothered him immensely to think about. The Slayer and Slayerettes, all of them, himself included, had trusted Angel. And so quickly that trust had been betrayed. Did it matter if he had a soul or didn't have a soul? The person was still the same, wasn't he?

And if he wasn't, then who was to say that anyone could be trusted? If in the time span of one night an ally could become an enemy, well, then why should there even be such things as trust? As friends? As allies? Betrayal was such an easy thing to do, Xander realized, betraying someone was more than easy, it was simple. A simple emotion to conjure. And he had to wonder, is that what he'd done? When he'd told Buffy she didn't care, that she only wanted her boyfriend back, was that in itself a betrayal? That he didn't trust her enough to only want what was best?

Xander sighed heavily and stood from his bed to shut off the country music. His thoughts were far to complicated for the depressing sounds of country. He was already far too depressed, and confused, and scared. He never would have thought that he'd long so badly for the old days, when it had been him and Willow, and the end of the world had never even crossed their minds.

But those days were gone, he told himself firmly, and now it was time for him to decide once and for all what to do. He could go back to the library, help find Buffy, so she could save an enemy. Or he could stay home. Even as he thought about his choices he was already out the door, down the stairs, and putting on his coat.

*****

Cordelia stared at the local map of all towns near and far to Sunnydale, then at her listings of bus and train stops. She rubbed her eyes as she reached for the telephone to call another bus company as Willow continued to type away at her laptop, checking every and all hotels and motels in pretty much all of California.

"Bingo," the hacker murmured triumphantly. Cordelia and Giles both looked towards her, then walked over to her computer to lean over her shoulder as she showed them the hotel records. "Buffy Summers," Willow continued, "she checked in to the Hotel Seven at around seven last night, she checked out at an hour ago."

"Well, that's a plus," Xander said as he walked in through the double doors. All eyes turned to look towards him and he shrugged. "Yup, I'm here," he added, deciding not to comment on the events of the previous evening.

"Good, you can do your own job," Cordelia said, rolling her eyes as she motioned to the map and notebook across the table from Willow. "I've got one more final to take."

Xander nodded and walked obediently towards the map, after receiving the location to look around from Willow. "Like any of these people are going to remember one girl getting on a bus," he thought aloud as he stared at Cordelia's lists of bus and train depots.

"We're not looking for that," Willow told him flatly. "Just any hotels she might check into come nighttime. There's nothing we can do until we can find her checked in and not checked out, then at least we can attempt to call her."

"Or drive out there," Giles added.

"So . . . what're we supposed to do until tonight?" Xander wondered, annoyed. He'd made this big decision to come back to the library, only to find that his services weren't needed any longer.

"Go to classes," Giles answered with a shrug. "Willow, is there any way you can hook that thing up to monitor all hotels near to where she is?"

Willow blinked in confusion as she looked up at him, but then caught on to his meaning. "Yeah," she replied after a moment. "It'll monitor to see if a 'Buffy Summers' checks into any hotel or motel, as soon as one does it'll beep. But that only works on computerized hotels, if she goes into one without computers, we'll have no way of knowing unless we call up and ask."

Giles rubbed his eyes tiredly and nodded. "Well, just keep monitoring those. If we don't get anything by eight tonight we'll start calling any other ones."

Willow typed in the appropriate commands on the laptop then yawned heavily. "I think I'm going home for awhile," she told the others as she glanced towards Oz, her designated chauffeur.

"Probably a good idea," Giles confirmed. "There's nothing we can do at the moment, except wait."

*****
End Part Two