"Hey, Giles," Buffy said, walking into the library with her friends behind her.
"Buffy," Giles replied, turning to her in surprise. "I thought you were going home to talk with your mother?"
The Slayer slumped into one of the library seats, and the others followed suit. "I figured it could wait a few hours, I'm not exactly up for that fight yet." She shrugged weakly, lifting one hand to touch the bites on her neck self-consciously. "There was something I wanted to ask you, though."
"What about?" Giles queried.
"Angel," she answered, a questioning note in her voice. Giles nodded, giving her permission to ask. "During this whole bond thingie I sensed a few things. One of which is memory loss, he doesn't remember certain things, and anything regarding the past . . . he's not feeling any emotions towards it. I know, it sounds totally weird, but God knows he won't bring it up to anyone, so I figured I'd intrude and ask for him."
"Hmmm . . . most interesting," Giles murmured. "My guess would be his mind is protecting him from those memories and emotions."
"The mind can do that?" Xander piped up.
"The mind can do a lot of amazing things," Giles answered, and Buffy smiled as she thought about how perfectly that applied to the recent situation. "More likely than not Angel is simply not prepared to deal with anything from the past right now. I can only assume those memories and emotions will return to him when he is capable of dealing with them."
"Well, I'll be there for him when they do," Buffy said quietly, then guiltily looked up at the others. "I'm sorry," she said, somewhat sheepishly. "I know he did a lot, but . . . he's also been through a lot and . . . well . . . "
"It's okay, Buffy," Giles assured her. "We all understand the difference between Angel and the demon." The Watcher looked towards Xander pointedly, and he just shrugged with a small smile upon his lips.
"Thanks, guys," Buffy said, relieved. "I don't know why I left . . . when I have the best friends any one in the world could ever hope for." She sighed then and closed her eyes. "Now I just have to deal with my mother. Let's hope she's in a good and welcoming mood. Ack!" She suddenly liftted her head in shock. "School! I'm expelled, I can't believe I so totally forgot that! God, and the police . . . are they . . . ?"
"Relax, Buffy," Willow assured her. "You've been cleared as a suspect, I've been monitoring it. And I think you have more than enough ammo to sue the school for expelling you. After all, you were never even formally accused of killing Kendra . . . and since you've been cleared there's no reason you shouldn't be able to come back."
"What would I do without you?" Buffy asked rhetorically, shaking her head. She stood and shuddered. "Time to face the music."
"You want us to come with you, Buff?" Xander offered.
Buffy shook her head. "No. I came back, I have to face the music. And explain to my mother that I'm the Slayer, dating a vampire who lost his soul, got it back, got send to Hell then got out and that we're bonded together because everyone was looking for me, and then I got kidnapped by an insane vampire that my boyfriend just happened to have made . . . " She trailed off and shuddered. "Leaving town again isn't an option?"
"You can do it, Buffy," Giles said firmly. "I have faith in you."
Buffy smiled at him. "Thanks, Giles. Call me as soon as Angel calls you so we can break this thing, I'm getting a little tired of getting flashes of his dreams."
"I will," he promised her. All of the Slayerettes watched quietly as she left the library.
Buffy stood on the doorstep of her house and tried to think of how she could start explaining. Actually, she was trying to think of a way to get out of explaining, and convince her mother that it was all a dream, and she shouldn't worry about it. Somehow, though, she doubted she'd be able to do that. Lifting her hand, she started to knock on the door, then stopped herself. It was her house, she should just walk in. Yet somehow she felt like a complete stranger.
Opening the door, she stepped inside, still feeling as though she were intruding. "Mom?" she called out, quietly.
"Buffy!" The voice came from upstairs, and a second later she saw her mother hurrying down the steps. "Buffy!" she exclaimed again, throwing her arms around her daughter and hugging her tightly against her chest. "Please tell me you're coming home."
"If you'll have me," Buffy replied quietly with a half smile, pulling away.
"God . . . of course, Buffy, of course! I . . . I missed you so much! Why . . . what made you change your mind . . . I . . . " Her mother trailed off, shaking her head, then reached out and once again hugged her daughter tightly.
Buffy pulled away once more. "I think you should sit down. We need to talk." The Slayer nodded her head once in the direction of the living room, and Joyce obediently followed her daughter inside, sitting down next to her. "I . . . God, I don't know where to begin."
Joyce reached for Buffy's arm and pulled her close against her chest. Buffy allowed her to do so, leaning back against her. "Begin wherever you feel you should," Joyce said quietly.
Buffy smiled weakly. "There's a lot you need to know. But first things first. I can't change my destiny. Neither can you." She moved forward to look into her mother's eyes. "I have to put my life on the line. I have to fight the dark forces, the undead, all that, I don't have any choice. If you can't accept that, then I still can't stay."
Joyce swallowed. "I don't like it," she answered firmly. "I don't want you risking your life."
"I don't have a choice," Buffy repeated. "None at all. I've accepted it, the main question is, can you?"
"I - I'll try," Joyce promised, and Buffy smiled in relief.
"I'm glad," she replied softly.
"Now are you going to explain this to me, or do I have to ask?" Joyce queried with a half smile of her own.
"No, no, I'll explain," Buffy promised. She took a deep breath, then began to tell her mother the story of her life.
" . . . then he passed out," Buffy said several hours later. "I went and got Giles, stopped off at Xander's hospital room, and worked things out with him. Then I came home. And that," she said with a sigh, "is pretty much everything."
Joyce shook her head. "I . . . I'm shocked," she finally said, it was the first thing she'd said since Buffy had begun her tale, instead she'd let her daughter explain everything in her own words. "I had no idea . . . "
"I know you didn't, Mom," Buffy answered.
"Buffy . . . I'm amazed," Joyce whispered. "Completely amazed. I never realized just how mature and responsible you really were . . . until now. You don't even need me . . . there's nothing left for me to teach you. I think you're the one who could teach me a few things."
Buffy smiled, pleased by the praise her mother was offering her. "I do need you," Buffy replied. "Mom, you're the one normal thing in my crazy life. That's why I didn't want you to know to begin with . . . I liked things the way they were. Not when you'd ground me during every apocalypse," that caused them both to laugh, "but the fact that you didn't ask me if I'd survived the night unscarred, the fact that when I came home late you weren't immediately worried that I'd finally faced a vampire I couldn't win against. That's how it always is, with Giles, with Angel, with my friends . . . with everyone, except you."
"I . . . Buffy, I wish I could tell you I won't be like that," Joyce replied quietly after a moment's pause. "But I won't be able to help myself. I can try to accept this, but I don't like it. There's no way I'll ever like what you're doing. I know, I know, you can't escape it, it's your destiny, but that doesn't mean I'm happy about it."
"You think I am?" Buffy retorted in amazement. "Believe me, I'd be so happy if my life were normal. But it's not. It never can be. God, even my love life is totally messed up!"
"I don't suppose it would do any good to forbid you to see this Angel person, huh?" Joyce asked.
"No good whatsoever," Buffy said somewhat cheerfully.
"Well . . . I never thought I'd hear myself say this . . . but vampire or not at least he's protecting you. At least when he has his soul, that is . . . this is so weird." She shook her head.
Buffy laughed wearily. "I know it is, Mom," she answered.
"It does explain a lot, though," Joyce admitted. Then she looked towards Buffy once more. "What about this curse thing, now? Shouldn't that prevent you and Angel from having an . . . intimate . . . relationship?" She stumbled slightly over the word 'intimate' not at all happy that her daughter was no longer a virgin.
"I could always just have Willow re-curse him everytime," Buffy said, and laughed when her mother's eyes widened. "I'm kidding, Mom. And I don't think he'd go for that. No, we'll just look for a way to break it. There's gotta be some way. And I don't really care about having s . . . er, intimate relations," she smiled slightly, "with him. I just care that he's back.." She paused for a moment. "I love him, Mom. I really do. With everything that I am, every ounce of my being I love him. I know it's . . . it's odd . . . but, well . .. Willow's dating a werewolf!"
Joyce couldn't help but laugh at the somewhat defensive tone in her daughter's voice. "Well, you're not Willow, are you," she replied on cue. "I mean, if Willow jumped off a bridge would you do the same?"
Buffy laughed with her, and hugged her mother again impulsively. "I'm glad to be home, Mom," she whispered against Joyce's chest.
"And I'm glad to have you back," Joyce replied, kissing her daughter's forehead. The telephone rang, interrupting their moment, and Buffy jumped off the couch and ran into the kitchen to answer it.
"Giles?" she asked.
"It's me," Giles answered. "And no, Angel hasn't called yet, and since the sun is going to rise in a few minutes I just thought I should tell you to feel free to get some rest. You need it. We won't be able to perform the ritual to break the bond until tomorrow night, assuming he wakes by then."
"Thanks, Giles," Buffy replied.
"H - how did it go?" Giles queried.
"It went well," Buffy said. "Surprisingly well."
"I'm glad to hear it. Good night, Buffy."
"'Night, Giles."
Angel awoke slowly, opening his eyes just a crack then moaning at even that slightest movement. Yawning, he fought to keep his eyes open as he looked around and realized, with surprise, that he was lying in a bed . . . his bed, in his apartment. "I feel like I haven't slept in two hundred and forty two years," he joked quietly to himself, not feeling at all rested despite the days he'd spent unconscious. As he sat up in bed, he wondered vaguely if he'd be lucky enough to find out that it had all been a dream. The note he saw on his table disabused him of that fantasy, and he reached out to take the letter and open it.
It was from Giles. The brief note explained to Angel that he'd been unconscious for several days, from hunger, exhaustion, and pain combined. Giles also asked Angel to call him as soon as he woke so that the bond could be broken. Yawning once more, Angel fought the urge to go back to sleep as he glanced at a clock on his wall, which informed him that the sun had set three hours ago. Hunger was gnawing at him, and Angel decided to give up on the starving himself notion, it just wasn't worth it.
After feeding and getting dressed somewhat bleerily, still feeling very out of it, Angel reached for the phone and dialed the all too familiar number of the library. Giles answered on the second ring. "Sunnydale High School Library, Rupert Giles speaking," the Watcher said automatically.
"Giles?" Angel asked. "It's me . . . I got your note."
"Oh! You're awake . . . " Giles resisted the urge to say finally. "Can you come here, I have the ritual all set up."
"Sure," Angel replied shortly, yawning once more. "I'll be there in ten minutes or so."
"Good . . . I'll call Buffy. See you in a few minutes." Giles hung up the phone and Angel followed suit a couple seconds later, yawning once more before reaching for one of his numerous leather jackets and heading out the door.
This time Angel felt a lot less tense as he walked into the library of Sunnydale High School, more than likely because of simple exhaustion. He was just too tired to worry about the repercussions of his past actions as Angelus, or even the crash that had caused Xander to be hospitalized. In his opinion it was just too early in his evening.
"I have the ritual entirely prepared," Giles stated as he walked in, and Angel noted that only Buffy and the Watcher were present, the atmosphere somewhat reminiscent of past days, before he'd lost his soul, before Buffy had left town, before everything, when thing's had been so very simple. "Basically, all it involves is you and Buffy holding hands, an exchange of blood . . . " Giles didn't miss the startled and vaguely amused look that passed between Buffy and Angel at his words, ". . . and for you both to recite the Latin words, in unison, of course."
"Sounds relatively easy," Angel said, sounding somewhat surprised by the simplicity of the ritual.
"It's an easy bond to form and break," Giles agreed, "It's just the actual bond that's unpredictable and hard to control."
"No kidding," Buffy joked. "Wait . . . exchange of blood . . . does that mean we have to like, drink each other's blood, cause . . . I mean, Angel may have the proper equipment for that," she looked up at him and smiled wanly, "no offense, but uh, I don't."
"No, no, you just have to basically mingle blood, a small cut on a finger should suffice," Giles answered hastily, handing Buffy a ritualistic looking knife. She looked at Angel and smiled somewhat ruefully as she brought the knife across her index finger until a small amount of blood emerged. She handed the knife to him and he repeated her action, then they both pressed their fingers together, both feeling vaguely silly. This seemed more like a blood pact then a way to break a bond. "The words to the ritual are on the table," Giles said.
Buffy and Angel both turned as one to the table where the book was open and began to recite the Latin words together, the bond making it very easy for their voices to mingle, until it sounded more like one person was speaking then two. When they'd finished speaking, absolutely nothing happened visually, but both of them could feel the bond breaking, shattering in an instant. Buffy was surprised when she felt suddenly isolated and alone, and even more surprised when she realized she'd already started to miss the feel of his mind, always mingled with hers.
Angel turned to go almost immediately, but Buffy's voice stopped him. "Before you go do your disappearing act, I think we need to talk," she said to him firmly.
He looked back at her and was silent for a moment, then closed his eyes and gave a half nod, holding out his hand to her. She accepted his grasp, and they both walked out of the library together.
"Well," Buffy said softly, breaking the silence that had suddenly dawned between them. "Now what?" she repeated her words from the warehouse, looking up at him.
"What do you mean?" he replied.
"What do I mean?" she echoed. "I mean with us. Where do we go from here?" She shrugged slightly. "I don't want to start from square one again, Angel, with lovely cryptic messages that you'd probably *mail* this time around. I can't deal with that again. Do we have even the tiniest chance of re-gaining any kind of relationship?"
"I don't know, Buffy," Angel answered honestly, stopping to look at her outside the High school. "I really don't. How can you just ignore everything that's happened?"
"I'm not ignoring it, Angel, that's why I'm asking you. I completely understand if you don't want to . . ."
"It's not that I don't want to, Buffy," Angel replied. "I don't see why you do."
"Because I love you," Buffy said, as though it should have been crystal clear and obvious to him. "That doesn't go away just because of one little . . . well, maybe not too little, and maybe not one, either, but it doesn't go away, no matter HOW many problems we've had."
Angel sighed. "Buff . . . I don't know," he repeated, shaking his head. "I don't see how we can go back . . . I don't think we CAN, or should. We don't know that it won't happen again."
It was Buffy's turn to sign. "No, we don't," she agreed. "But I'm NOT saying that we should just jump into bed and pretend none of this ever happened. I'm just saying that I don't want to lose you . . . not again . . . never again. Can't we. . . " She stopped as she felt all too familiar tears begin to overpower her. "Can't we just try?"
Angel looked at her and pulled her closer towards him protectively. "You have no idea how much I wish I could just make all of this go away," he confessed softly. "But I can't. And neither can you."
"But we can get through it," Buffy argued. "We CAN get through it . . . together. I can't do it alone, and somehow I don't think you can either. But together . . . together we can do anything."
Angel sighed once more, but nodded slightly. "I can try," he gave in quietly. "Try, Buffy, that's all I can do."
"That's all I'd ever ask you to do," Buffy replied. "Let's sit down somewhere," she suggested, and Angel nodded automatically, silently leading her towards a bench outside the school, where they both took seats, and spent the rest of the night discussing what the future might hold.
*****
The End!