The psychology of control

Are you getting through to her?

A husband in a Taken In Hand relationship needs to get through to his wife. If he is not getting through to her, his wife needs to find a way to let him know.

A mysterious compulsion to obey

Loise on the mysterious effect of a certain tone of voice.

Obedience - a curious and perverse pleasure

Louise muses on the peculiar phenomenon of women choosing to obey their husbands, and being thrilled by their husband's control.

Having consent to take her whenever you want assumes that you will act wisely

M.D. on when not to forcibly take your wife, even if you have her consent to take her whenever you want.

Saying "no" as code for "I care"

In many relationships, this would be experienced negatively, but Dandelion is in a Taken In Hand relationship, and it made her positively swoon!

"No" means "take me"

The aim of "No means no!" is to give men a simple way to avoid actually raping a woman. The problem is that no does not always mean no, and the denial of that reality makes it more likely that men will make mistakes than if that reality were acknowledged.

A childhood memory

Don't miss Princess4rev's charming account of a childhood memory jogged by reading this site.

Sleeping positions, rituals and control

Another charming piece by CarlF.

Why the "Wow!"?

When couples discover Taken In Hand and their relationship starts to evolve in this direction, they typically describe it as mind-blowingly thrilling. They tend to be astonished by how right it feels, even in their first faltering experimental steps. Why do so many couples experience this “Wow!”? Here is one person's answer. What is your answer?

Saying "no", leadership and chocolate

Don't miss this brilliant piece by CarlF.

Exercise authority

Sometimes the relationship needs a spanking, in which case it might be a mistake to wait for a ‘good reason’, as CarlF so rightly says.

I don't want to be submissive!

Like many women on this site who want to be actively controlled by their man, Sully finds the idea of ‘just submitting’ (to what, exactly, if the man is not exerting control?!) decidedly unappealing.

Responding to his loving control

A year ago Pondering would have scoffed had anyone told her she’d be feeling as she does now.

She may not know it yet, but I'm taking her in hand

It sounds as though GreySeal's wife is very happy that he has started taking her in hand – even if she has never heard of Taken In Hand.

An expression of his authority

Cori appreciates her man firmly exerting his authority over her.

How Taken In Hand makes the mundane erotic

Taken In Hand dynamics are very powerful, as this writer indicates.

Living the fantasy 24/7

Taking your wife in hand does not mean what some husbands fear it might mean, as Louise explains.

A happy end to marital deadlock

If your marriage is charactised by cold silences and angry fights or a lot of unhappiness, is there any way Taken In Hand might save it? Alpha Husband thinks Taken In Hand can indeed solve the problem. I think it is possible, but not unless both spouses make the effort to turn towards each other. It can't be all on the man. The woman needs to make an effort too.

How my husband set me free

Don't miss this beautiful piece by Peach.

Taken In Hand - the view of a psychiatrist

Is this philosophy of intimate relationships really as bad as some self-proclaimed ‘experts’ would have us believe?

She wants him to prevail

Women who want to be taken in hand often feel very frustrated if the man doesn't appreciate the importance, to her, of consensual non-consent.

Erotic pregnancy and afterwards...

Eroticising pregnancy brings husband and wife together and makes the whole experience very special.

Is Taken In Hand control real?

It is sometimes suggested that the control in Taken In Hand relationships is not real, but it certainly feels real to those involved.

How to read this site

Worried by something you have read on this site? Here is how to interpret what you read here.

BDSM practices in our Taken In Hand relationship

Being in a Taken In Hand relationship involving BDSM practices sounds like a source of great joy for this clearly very happy wife.

A man in charge needs to be firm and steady

Stephen has some good advice for men who want to take their wives in hand.

A man with a backbone can be very soothing

A Taken In Hand woman who is outraged about a decision her husband has made, may well be aghast if she succeeds in getting her man to change his decision. It can be very soothing to be with a man who holds firm and does not allow himself to be pushed about.

How we stopped the escalation of verbal hostilities

How Taken In Hand dramatically reduced the amount of negativity and increased the amount of positive communication in one marriage.

Is it real?

Louise wonders if it is real. Real what? That is the question.

Being with a stronger man allows a strong woman to relax

Not to live with the fear that one might inadvertently overpower the man one loves is deeply relaxing, as Milly says.

This man

This piece expresses the excitement many women feel when they are in a relationship with a man who wears the trousers.

What if your wife feels scared and vulnerable?

Advice for any man whose wife feels scared and vulnerable during the introduction of a Taken In Hand relationship.

How are things different from before Taken In Hand?

Louise says that it was when she discovered this site that she first considered the idea that it could be possible to respond pleasurably to authority rather than negatively.

Effect positive change by acting as if...

Instead of behaving badly to provoke your husband into taking you in hand, take this much more constructive course of action.

Resistance is futile

Or is it?!

My full and complete surrender

When a man is firm with her, Laura melts like butter.

Si vis pacem, para bellum

If you as a man want deep peace (and a lot of fun!) in your Taken In Hand relationship, be prepared to enforce compliance.

Saying things for effect

When a man says he doesn't care what the woman he loves wants, is he serious, or is he saying it for effect? This piece explains why you are less likely to hear so many statements said for effect in a Taken In Hand marriage than in some other kinds of relationships. (And no, this is not to say that Taken In Hand is better, merely to point out a difference!)

How do you maintain control in little ways?

Control need not necessarily involve violence or anything very dramatic.

The power of a woman who submits to her man

Do not make the mistake of thinking that a woman in a Taken In Hand relationship is not powerful. She is very powerful, as Mike explains.