I hope that this will extinguish any doubts anyone might have that Taken In Hand is about consensual relationships only.

A relationship that exists purely in your own mind and not in active engagement with the other person is not a relationship, it is a fantasy. Fantasy is great, but it is not a relationship; and despising yourself for needing attention is not the answer.

What is the difference between Taken In Hand and DD (domestic discipline)? It is a mainly just a difference of focus.

Why is BDSM so much more popular than Taken In Hand, and why is it that some BDSM folk are so disapproving of Taken In Hand?

Read this review of The Total Woman, by Marabel Morgan, or add your own review by clicking here and scrolling down to the ‘reply’ box.

Separating sex and dominance from the rest of life seems to me a decidedly bad idea. Because male authority and control is real for Taken In Hand couples, not a game, it has the power to infuse the whole of life with an erotic charge, making life altogether more exciting and joyful. Is it any wonder Taken In Hand couples are so happy together?!

If you think that women who want to be a little afraid of their men must be in need of psychotherapy or chemical help, this article probably won't dispel your illusions. But if you are curious, hit the read article link now!

Is it true that more dominant women necessarily prefer submissive men? If we are to believe some research done by Maslow in the 1930s and early ’40s, no! In fact, Maslow is reported to have concluded that whether a woman is what he called “high dominance”, “medium dominance”, or “low dominance”, she wants a man who is a little more dominant than she is.

Women who are high dominance tend to attract lots of submissive men. What is a woman to do if she is strong and possibly even dominant in some sense, but she is drawn to men who are even more dominant than she is, and not to submissive men? Try to suppress her strength? Try to become more submissive? Try to act submissive even when she doesn't feel it? What do you think?

When people ask whether you want to be “dominated” what is your answer? I never quite know whether the answer is yes or no. It depends! What does the questioner have in mind? People often think that because sexual dominance and service-orientated submission leave them cold, there is nothing sexual about their desire for their man to take charge. This piece explains what is really going on in such cases.

Being a phlegmatic sort of person, it is not often that the mere presence of another person has the power to do any more than make me recoil from the olfactory shock caused by their halitosis or their overpowering aftershave. But very occasionally (about once a decade) I have found myself intensely affected by the mere presence of a man – so intensely affected that it has taken every ounce of self-control to appear unmoved. Why?

When it comes to relationships, we all know that actions speak louder than words – I am only stating the obvious, here – but even the most rational individuals can sometimes get swept up in excitement and forget everything they know. It happens to the best of us! So this is just a little reminder.

A reader has written to ask what we have to say on the issue of so-called ‘equality’ and the criticism that Taken In Hand relationships can't possibly be healthy because they are not equal. Hit the read article link for an answer.

It is just about acceptable to speak of ravishing a woman, but the idea of taking a woman, or ‘raping’ her, is taboo and emotive. How could it possibly feel to a woman like a gift? And yet, many woman want this. You do not have to hit the read article link. Please don't do so if you might be upset. Only read this piece if this is not a difficult issue for you.

Secretary was recommended to me as “a film that brings spanking into the mainstream,” “very sexy,” and “one to show a vanilla partner.” But one Taken In Hand reader I talked to vehemently disagreed with this praise. I decided to see it for myself. If you have not seen it and have not yet read any reviews of it, it might be worth seeing it before clicking the read article link.

What can you do when every time you try to initiate sex, you are met with grumpy irritation? When, for no apparent reason, the person who once couldn't get enough now can't get too little? When your attempts to please seem to have the opposite effect? You can start by clicking the read article link!

Do we choose to be taken in hand because we want to be, such as for the connection or because the whole idea is very erotic? Or is it that we women need to be controlled because we can't control ourselves? As a phlegmatic, competent, rational sort of person, I have always argued that this is something even the most logical, sane woman can choose. If you have to be the sort of person who can't function sensibly in the world to be taken in hand, I don't qualify! But that doesn't mean that I don't want to be taken in hand. I do! From what Nina says in this no-nonsense comment, she feels the same way.

Taken In Hand is not about turning a woman into a servant or slave.

The casual observer might think that Taken In Hand readers are saying that they want to be taken or taken in hand against their will, but what is really going on here? An investigation of the psychology of consensual non-consent.

When a man takes or takes a woman in hand and she seems to be resisting and complaining, is there consent? It depends.

Do you command respect and obedience without even trying? Do you have natural authority, or would you have trouble controlling even a worm? If you don't have a commanding presence but wish you did, hit the read article link.

There is a word you can use that is highly likely to give your lover an enormous amount of pleasure. It is not a word that you are likely to have difficulty bringing yourself to say. It is not a word you could not say in front of the children or your grandmother. It is not a word that would offend anyone. What is it?

If your man won't do as he's told, it is time to stop nagging and start taking action. You do not have to allow yourself to be put into the position of being a nagging wife. There are better ways of solving problems – ways that will empower you without destroying your relationship.

If you are in a new relationship, or have yet to find a man, and you want to be with a man who is lovingly dominant, you might like to consider this advice.

If you like the idea of a Taken In Hand relationship but you have had trouble explaining what you want, or even identifying clearly what you want, this article is for you!

The other day, I heard the Queen song, I want it all, and have not been able to get it out of my head since. Sometimes I am so aware of how much there is to feel and do and experience before it's game over, that it is difficult to be patient. I want it all, and I want it now! If this sounds like you, you won't want to miss this article!

If a woman finds the idea of being taken in hand erotic, how can taking her in hand also ’work’ to modify her behaviour? Spanking would be a reward, not a punishment! Wouldn't it be more efficient to withhold spanking? Nooooooooooo! Hit the read article link to find out why not!

Why is it that most conventional people find themselves settling for stale, lifeless relationships with unsatisfying sex, whereas people writing on Taken In Hand often mention that their desire for one another is greater than ever even after many years?

We have received an important communication from a chap called Dermot, writing from England. He says:

If i want submission, I'd prefer to ... buy a sheepdog and call him ‘old faithful’

If you feel no sexual arousal at all during serious disciplinary spankings, how can it possibly be erotic? And if it is, doesn't that mean that it is all just a kinky game, and not real? Hit the read article link for my answers to these thorny questions.

Okay, I confess! I misled you. This is not about the ‘M’ word as in ‘marriage’, it is about the ‘M’ word as in ‘maintenance spanking’. If you feel, or your woman feels, frustatingly unsatisfied by ‘maintenance spanking’, you won't want to miss this!

Read this review of Liberated Through Submission, by P. Bunny Wilson, or add your own review by clicking here and scrolling down to the ‘reply’ box.

If you like Taken In Hand and you don't know this play, you are in for a treat if you read this article. (Fear not! No knowledge of archaic language assumed!) If you too love this play, you will want to know which is the best production available on DVD/video, and which ones to avoid.

Ms. Damen feels so dirty after reading Karen's piece that she feels the need to take a shower. “I honestly thought drivel like this only popped up in Penthouse letters,” she fumes. Hmmm, Penthouse letters, eh? Presumably the implication is that Karen's piece is intended to be erotic. Imagine my surprise, then, when I read Ms. Damen's next stinging blow (oops, no allusion to spanking intended)...