Is there abuse in your relationship?

DD relationships - the view of a mental health professional

Although we seem to have been attracting the attention of a number of individuals incensed by the fact that there are several doctors, psychologists, social workers and other mental health clinicians writing for this site, here is yet another person in the field who has something sensible to say about the kinds of relationships discussed here.

Having consent to take her whenever you want assumes that you will act wisely

M.D. on when not to forcibly take your wife, even if you have her consent to take her whenever you want.

How to read this site

Worried by something you have read on this site? Here is how to interpret what you read here.

A beginners' guide to spanking

What beginners might want to know about taking a woman in hand by spanking her.

Who wants a slave?

Why are so many Taken In Hand readers uncomfortable with the idea of Taken In Hand wife as ‘slave’?

Shades of grey

Paul cautions against black-and-white thinking in Taken In Hand relationships.

Is she afraid of losing control? Topping from the bottom?

Women sometimes say they want a Taken In Hand relationship but then when they actually start a relationship, seem afraid to give up control. If you are a man who is frustrated that your woman is not acting the way you think she should be acting, or if you are a woman who is being accused of not being submissive enough, not being feminine, or controlling with complaints, hit the read article link now!

Barbie is the doll, Ken is just an accessory.

A timely warning that not everyone is ready for a Taken In Hand relationship, and especially not one involving corporal punishment.

He's in charge. . . but I do it my way

Is there one undisputed leader in your relationship? If so, what does that mean in practice?

Given a choice between two men ...

... why do some women gravitate to the one who treats her worst?

Abusive men: Hedda Nussbaum's list of red flags

Though we might have quibbles with it, reading this list could help someone in an abusive relationship to face the fact that it is.

Is it true that a man shouldn't need to get physical?

It is often said that a man should not need to get physical to remain in charge of his woman. Tevemer points out the flaws in this idea.

Are you in an abusive relationship? A quiz

This behavioural inventory quiz might be worth reading if you are in any doubt about whether or not your relationship is abusive. We might want to discuss some of the questions and in some cases add “irrespective of your wishes” or “assuming that there is no consent for this”, but if a relationship or a person makes you unhappy or destroys your self-esteem, or if the person you are with isolates you from your friends and family, I think alarm bells should be ringing. Comments, anyone?

Finding my way home

A cautionary tale about a failed marriage and subsequent terribly damaging behaviour.

An alpha female bares her throat only to her mate

A strong woman might want might well want to be cherished by a stronger man, and she might well not be generally submissive or want to be treated like a servant.

Taken In Hand means different things to different people

There is a lot to consider if you want to be taken in hand. Here are just a few of the issues you might want to think about and discuss.

My husband and I face the world as a team

Bramble's beautiful relationship sounds like my grandparents' relationship. I love the mutual respect and kindness here. An inspitation!

Being Taken In Hand doesn't mean being silent

A man in control would be wise to ensure that his woman feels ‘heard’ – accepting a man's authority should not mean ceasing to have a voice in the relationship. If only one mind were doing the necessary thinking and problem-solving, the other would be superfluous.

Violence in the garden

This piece is for all those whose desires and chosen paths in life attract disapproval from others.

Is the man's authority real if consent can be revoked?

In a Taken In Hand relationship, the woman wholeheartedly consents to being under the man's authority, but consent can be revoked. Does that make the authority any less real?

It is working as advertised!

For Louise and her husband, Taken In Hand has, as it were, worked as advertised.

Have you found a proper balance?

Noone argues that to find a good balance a man has to be a tough softy.

Too much of a good thing?

Amelia has realised that when it comes to control, you can have too much of a good thing. But what is she to do now? Has she created a monster?

Is this really consensual?

I hope that this will extinguish any doubts anyone might have that Taken In Hand is about consensual relationships only.

Is your relationship abusive?

People are often very quick to judge a relationship abusive, but sometimes they have a point. How can you judge whether there is a problem or not? And what do you do if someone else thinks that you are being abused and you think you aren't?

The dance of consent

Most consent-giving is done tacitly, through tiny non-verbal and indirect verbal signals, not directly. Sometimes a direct, clear yes or no is necessary, but especially in a long-term Taken In Hand relationship, it often isn't necessary. That does not mean there is not consent, as ConfusedofHomeCounties explains.

One person's abuse is another person's happy marriage

Tevemer points out that people often jump to conclusions about other people's relationships on the flimsiest of evidence.

Happy living in fear of a man?!

If you think that women who want to be a little afraid of their men must be in need of psychotherapy or chemical help, this article probably won't dispel your illusions. But if you are curious, hit the read article link now!

Is there consent?

When a man takes or takes a woman in hand and she seems to be resisting and complaining, is there consent? It depends.

Is your new man dominant, domineering, or a dithering wimp?

If you are in a new relationship, or have yet to find a man, and you want to be with a man who is lovingly dominant, you might like to consider this advice.

Being taken in hand is hot!

If you feel no sexual arousal at all during serious disciplinary spankings, how can it possibly be erotic? And if it is, doesn't that mean that it is all just a kinky game, and not real? Hit the read article link for my answers to these thorny questions.